This doesn't make sense to me

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I don't think that he was. His social skills were very good and he just seemed very NT in general. He also smiled a lot in his pictures and when I would smile at him he would mostly look mad or indifferent. He had dinner reservations too and I sort of felt stuck. I feel strange that someone would do all those things when they wouldn't even know if they would like me or not. It seems like a lot of people on the dating sites think I'm someone different than I am, even though I'm very honest in my profile.

Well it does happen, sometimes dates just don't go well...I mean he may have been overly upset about your reaction to the flowers, but it also sounds like you felt rather pressured so you may have came off a bit cold as well.

He was probably nervous. He might feel worried that's he's bothering you and he wants to avoid that at all costs. The flowers is because he has a certain perspective of himself (i.e. gentlemanly or classy) and he wants to show you that part of him. I don't think he's bad or sketchy, I just think he's trying to ACTUALLY avoid being that. I don't know much of the details, or if he knows if you are AS or not, but assuming he doesn't, he will continue to feel uncomfortable unless he's either gotten to know you longer or one of you ends the relationship.

No person in his/her right mind would be mad if you smiled at him/her.

Are you sure he was angry when you smiled at him? It just doesn't seem like a natural response. It seems like, perhaps, there's something wrong with that person.

How about you just ask the guy, but why even bother, when you're not interested in him.

I want to figure out because sometimes I offend people without realizing it and I want to learn from it. I don't think there would be much point in contacting him because he doesn't seem like a very honest person and I would want to know the truth. It also might look like I was trying to win him over if I asked him because it's been taken that way before with other people.

Why do you sense that he is not an honest person? That is a pretty strong indictment of a person.

It is a myth that "neurotypicals" are, inevitably, dishonest. Some people are dishonest, yes---but some people just withhold the "truth" if it might offend (somebody). Diplomacy, throughout history, has proven to be a virtue of wisdom.

I get the impression that you fear offending people---and that fear might cause anxiety which might put off people.

I've actually done the same thing---feel anxious about offending people---and I have found that it got me nowhere.

A few times, I've even thought that a person was hostilely disposed to me--when, in actuality, the person liked me very much.

Ask yourself this question: would you tell a man that you find him physically ugly?

You are an attractive person--so a person thinking you're "ugly" would not be a very perceptive one. I doubt that this person found you not attractive. I sense that it was more of a case of "not being his 'type'." You probably didn't offend him. I sense that this was a case of two people wanting "different" things out of a relationship.

I feel like maybe what I posted didn't come out the way I wanted it to. I mean, he would probably not say anything and be indirect because that's how he was when I met him. I didn't really feel interested in him either so it wouldn't really be worth it to message him. Also, I've been on dates with 12 other guys and most of them weren't interested, but they didn't act the way that he did so that's what confused me. I feel like I may have figured it out from the different posts that I read though.

I dunno, I kinda feel sorry for guys sometimes... What does a guy have to do, eh, eh, EH?

He's a gentleman, he buys you flowers, he makes reservations for dinner... No Starbucks for THIS dude!
In brief he prepares for his date with you by "planning ahead"... (offset that by the numerous posts you see about guys complaining about alleged" dinner-whores")

Anyways, it all falls flat on its face cos you don't know how to respond

Usually when given flowers on a date like that, the lady shows her appreciation by carrying it around with her, no matter how cumbersome, because it shows she's appreciative of her dates efforts (the flowers, the dinner etc)

To him you probably appeared to be unappreciative. Give the poor guy a break. He did it all by the book only for the lady to look underwhelmed.

NT perspective for you on how the date "possibly appeared to HIM", from his side of the fence

Ps. You sure he was glaring at you, and not looking at you in puzzlement because he couldn't "read" you?
I had that with my OH in the early days too, so also another thing to consider perhaps

Try not to feel bad. It's possible you're sensing a glare, when it was something else.

I know you didn't mean offense. I don't think he was offended, either. I just feel he expected you to be something you're not.

Just move on to the next date.

I'm not that worried about it. I was just confused about what happened, but reading the different post I think I understand what happened.

I hope you find a nice guy soon.

Thank you.

slw, something important you should understand is THIS: viewtopic.php?t=342818


So as you can see, dating apps are dominated by men by like 9 to 1, this is undeniable now (even sweetleaf could no longer deny it with the evidences I provided despite it's her hobby to deny lol).


What that means? That means that guys on dating apps, unlike you women, get a date once in a moon blue - so a First date for most guys there is a "big event" and a "big hope" - hence why they may act on it like that, like bringing flowers or gifts or paying for the dinner...etc

While you on the other side, can get another 12 dates easily in a week, hell you can get a two dates per day. So for you (and any other female on a dating app, it's not just you), the value of a single first date out of dating apps is way lower than how guys value it. Many guys can't have 12 dates in a whole lifetime out of these apps no matter how hard they try.

For him before meeting you he was in mode "OMG I got a first date! I must impress her! I must succeed!" - while you "Ok, It's #12 date". There's always this huge gap of expectation between men and women meeting through dating apps.

I agree with boofle there, when he saw you so obvious not appreciating his bouquet of flows, throwing it in the car as if you are ashamed of it or ashamed to be seen in a such setting by people who may recognize you, it did shatter his "OMG I got a first date" mood and realized that this enthusiasm isn't mutual at all.

You must forget that there's anything in common between men and women on dating apps - in this virtual world, they are like two entirely different species, fish and birds, with totally different views and experiences.

Anyone who tells you otherwise is being delusional.

The dates don't really mean a whole lot if they don't lead to anything though. Most of the guys that I met lost interest once they met me and 1 stood me up. The 2 that stayed interested seemed desperate. I also have over 800 likes (not sure if it's really that many or not), but they don't really seem to mean much either. A lot of the ones that like me don't send messages. I tried initiating with a few and only one replied, but the conversation didn't last. A lot of them initiate and talk a little, but eventually stop. Then there were some that I didn't feel interested in or I wouldn't know what to say to them. Part of it might be that I sometimes take a while to reply or I lose track, but I think there's something missing in me that makes other women attractive for this to happen so much.

Also, I've never had a guy give me a gift on a first date. I did thank him and everything, but it doesn't feel quite right. How could he know if he would like me to even buy me a gift? It feels like something that I shouldn't get unless it's from someone who knows that they like me. It also makes me really uncomfortable when I feel like I'm being put up on a pedestal. Especially by someone who hardly even knows me.

As I said earlier, tradition. Back before the 1960s flowers were practically mandatory: it showed the guy had true interest, and the type of flowers indicated his personality. It seems weird for you since you've never been socially trained for that to happen, but he probably came from a very traditional background and is probably something he does on all his dates. Sure, he needs to get with the times, but there's no reason to be creeped out by it, unless you're creeped out by traditional dudes in general. Also, in the current age I wouldn't be concerned about being put on a pedestal we're an increasingly grotesque culture that likes debased things, I'd be more concerned about someone playing you more than someone worshiping you.