Blocked by crush, what did I do wrong?

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Chronos
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01 Jun 2017, 7:24 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

if she really likes him, she wouldn't block him - regardless of whatever life difficulties she may have.

Probably true. But just so the OP knows, not liking enough doesn't equate to hating or him having done anything inappropriate.

whomstdvell
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02 Jun 2017, 4:47 pm

Thanks for the comments guys.

I'm starting to move on a little, but I'm still pretty bummed out. I just need to keep on telling myself that if a relationship is meant to be, then both me and the girl would know. Problem is, it's hard (especially being an aspie and all, not to mention my lack of experience with this stuff) to differentiate the feeling of having a crush/being infatuated and being in love.

Chronos
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07 Jun 2017, 9:22 pm

whomstdvell wrote:

You can have a crush on someone you barely know. You cannot be in love with someone you barely know.

You can both love and have a crush on someone you've known for a long time, and you can love someone and not have a crush on them.

whomstdvell
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06 Jul 2017, 10:18 pm

Sorry for the long bump, but OP here with an update a month or so later.

I'm doing better overall. I've used this time to try to better myself, like my social skills and whatnot. I'm getting better at eye contact too. Sometimes I still feel sad that she rejected me and blocked me, but I have to remind myself that she probably wasn't ever interested to begin with, and a girl that would be interested would have wanted to talk to me more, and would have at least initiated from time to time. Also my anxiety and OCD has spiked the past month, possibly stemming from this situation, but that's actually helped get my mind off of her.

The_Face_of_Boo
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07 Jul 2017, 1:08 am

whomstdvell wrote:

Quote:

I have to remind myself that she probably wasn't ever interested to begin with

YES! She wasn't

Quote:

and a girl that would be interested would have wanted to talk to me more, and would have at least initiated from time to time.

YES! All men must learn this.

886
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07 Jul 2017, 2:51 am

i don't really think you did anything wrong, she probably told you the truth. doubt you could've done anything differently.

it isn't worth overthinking at all

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AngelRho
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07 Jul 2017, 7:54 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

whomstdvell wrote:

Quote:

I have to remind myself that she probably wasn't ever interested to begin with

YES! She wasn't

Quote:

and a girl that would be interested would have wanted to talk to me more, and would have at least initiated from time to time.

YES! All men must learn this.

Agreed.

If you don't have much experience with relationships, it's going to be tough trying to consciously navigate that area between friendship and romantic love. For probably most people, getting a gf/bf is the easy part. It's keeping a relationship long-term that's tricky. And once it's over, you have that lost feeling of wondering how exactly to start over. Not directly relevant to the OP, just what you have to look forward to in this game!

You're quite a few steps ahead of many, though. At least you're making an effort. There are those of us who struggle with just getting the first date without appearing to be or coming across as a creep. You've learned a good lesson here. The next thing for you is to build on that. Keep getting acquainted with as many potential dates as you can and go from there. Always start casual. See who keeps coming back. Figure out who YOU feel chemistry with most. Take it to the next level. It really "just happens" most of the time, so keep hanging in there.

rdos
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07 Jul 2017, 10:14 am

Chronos wrote:

whomstdvell wrote:

I don't think it is that easy. "Being in love" is so diffuse. If being in love is similar to being attached, then there are people that are in love already after a month or so (especially NDs). If being in love is not similar to being attached, then I have no idea what it means at all.

Anyway, I wouldn't worry about it. Having a crush is the first logical step in a LTR, so there is a rather natural path between them which you should rely on, and so stop worrying about what love is. I'm sure there are almost as many definitions of being in love as there are people.

rdos
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07 Jul 2017, 10:18 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

if she really likes him, she wouldn't block him - regardless of whatever life difficulties she may have.

You have a point there, yes.

rdos
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07 Jul 2017, 10:22 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Quote:

and a girl that would be interested would have wanted to talk to me more, and would have at least initiated from time to time.

YES! All men must learn this.

I think that is too strict. I'd say that a girl that is interested would provide regular feedback that she is interested (in whatever form is used, doesn't need to be verbal). For instance, in pre-verbal contact, a girl being interested could often be noticed by returning eye-contact. Interest could also be expressed in a number of other ways (besides simple messaging and conversation): Setting up IRL things through friends and/or self, sending fake friend requests, generating notifications on Facebook and probably a 1000 other ways. It's all up to the creativity of the girl, and the sensitivity of the guy.

You can also test interest by changing (lowering) your messaging / contact frequency substantially to see if she reacts to that. If she doesn't, she is not interested.

There are no absolute messaging intervals, rather those can vary greatly. Only having contact once a day is certainly not a sign of somebody not being interested. I've had contact only once a month, and that was enough for me to conclude she was still interested. However, if I had gotten used to daily contact, then I wouldn't be able to go back to monthly. Just like a girl wouldn't want to do either.

hale_bopp
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06 Oct 2017, 9:23 pm

You didn’t do anything wrong. She just lost interest.

ShyGirl7
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07 Oct 2017, 2:44 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

OP

As a rule of thumb, if a girl doesn't initiate texting with you like every couple of days; then she is not interested. Never.

You mean Neurotypical-girls, of course.

Because Autistic-girls with romantic intentions can go weeks without initiating texting a guy she likes, correct?

Sabreclaw
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07 Oct 2017, 9:00 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

if she really likes him, she wouldn't block him - regardless of whatever life difficulties she may have.

A normal person wouldn't do that, but somebody with a mental disorder, like depression for instance? There's self-destructive tendencies which include lashing out at people you really like as an irrational defense-mechanism. I've been guilty of this myself, and I know a couple of others who've done this too.

It definitely isn't a good sign though. She either doesn't like you or is kind of messed up. Either way, probably best to leave her alone.

The_Face_of_Boo
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07 Oct 2017, 10:16 am

ShyGirl7 wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

OP

As a rule of thumb, if a girl doesn't initiate texting with you like every couple of days; then she is not interested. Never.

You mean Neurotypical-girls, of course.

Because Autistic-girls with romantic intentions can go weeks without initiating texting a guy she likes, correct?

No offense, but you aspie girls are like less than 1% of female
populatiom - guys here better not to focus on a category who may they never meet in their lifetime.

ShyGirl7
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07 Oct 2017, 2:01 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

ShyGirl7 wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

OP

As a rule of thumb, if a girl doesn't initiate texting with you like every couple of days; then she is not interested. Never.

You mean Neurotypical-girls, of course.

Because Autistic-girls with romantic intentions can go weeks without initiating texting a guy she likes, correct?

No offense, but you aspie girls are like less than 1% of female
populatiom - guys here better not to focus on a category who may they never meet in their lifetime.

Good point.

kraftiekortie
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07 Oct 2017, 2:44 pm

I hope, OP, that you are not precluding yourself from talking to other girls.

Don't give up, Sir. You're still a very young man, even in NT terms.

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