Why do people want to get married?
AngelRho
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Well that sounds lovely, but what about those of us who have antisocial parents. Am I not marriage material because I come with difficult parents?
Should my close friend not have married her husband because his parents are difficult even though they both work as a team and are happy together?
Ideally, yes it would be great to marry into a unified family, but the reality is that's not always possible and I'd rather not write someone off because of who their parents or brother or sister are.
That depends. Can you marry someone whose parents suck without expecting parents to interfere or causing your mate to choose between you and parents?
There's not a right/wrong answer to that. In-laws are frequently a divisive issue. You do best when you can minimize their negative impact. If my in-laws were still alive and I told my wife it was either me or her mother, I'd likely be living with my mom right now. Her parents adored me, though. Before we married, our families got to know each and were on great terms. My mom treats her like the daughter she always wanted.
My step-dad...well, he hates me regardless, so it doesn't matter...
But it's often tough when you can't get everyone on the same page. I'm not saying it's impossible. Many people are unwilling to sacrifice their families for love. If that's you, good on ya. It just sucks if and when it comes to that, or that it has to sometimes.
For me, marriage is a social institution and a legal contract. It only makes sense if you plan to get children, so you can stay together for at least as long as it takes for them to grow up.
I don't think marriage is the solution for long-term relationships. Instead, you need to make sure it will be long-term before you get married.
For me, marriage was mainly about making it clear to everyone - we are married, it's firm and meant for life, no one has right to stand between us. It has been our free decision and we go on with it.
I know some people don't get it that way but in the society I live it is widely accepted, so the family is cautious not to feed any conflict between us and other people look for someone else to pick up.
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I think one reason why marriages fail is because those involved don't take them seriously to begin with. If you think marriage is "just a piece of paper", you probably shouldn't be getting married. The vows taken are solemn promises, only to be broken by death or in very extreme situations (adultery, spousal or child abuse, capital crimes). Marriage is not an "until you don't feel it anymore" situation, and people need to quit treating it that way. Both involved need to look past the surface, and ask themselves how far they're really willing to go. If you can't see yourself providing for them if they're seriously injured, very sick, or dying...then you're better off apart. The feelings of romance come and go, but real love is about selfless commitment.
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AngelRho
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I've said this in another thread and it bears repeating...
My father was diabetic and a long-time smoker. I saw what happened to other diabetics, and watched my father almost literally fall apart in front of me--from vomitting breakfast EVERY morning, to the daily dialysis routine when his kidneys failed, to the wounds that wouldn't heal, and the apprent tendency of the disease to skip generations... I made up my mind I would do all I could to not develop the disease myself, to never marry a woman with the disease or even family history of it, and to teach my children to do everything possible to avoid it or people living with it.
It's possibly my worst fear.
And yet...
When I met my wife, a doctor told her she showed signs of pre-diabetes. Her mother had it from an early age. Her grandfather died from the disease--both of these dropping dead right in front of her. The more I knew this woman, the more I fell for her, the less all these things mattered. Because if she was going to fall apart like my dad, her mom, and her grandfather did, I'd hold her every step of the way. If she had to puke up her breakfast every morning, I'd hold her hair back for her. I would help with dialysis if she needed me to. I would still think she's the most beautiful woman on the planet even if I had to watch doctors cut her limbs off piece by piece.
Her abusive bf threatened to kill me once. It wouldn't have been the first time I've been bullied over a girl. But I'd never stand my ground if I actually believed a guy meant it. And I knew this guy would. And I'd have let him do it if it meant getting her away from him. For the first time in my life, another life truly was worth more to me than my own, and I knew this could potentially turn into my worst nightmare anyway.
None of that ever mattered with her.
She was different, unlike any other woman I've ever known. Everything just made sense with her. Everything you ever heard in lame love songs, well, that was her and us.
I'm not so foolish as to say we could NEVER split. It's just that the kind of dealbreaker it would take is such an extreme as to be unlikely with us. I think couples with that kind of history and resolve are the ones that last lifetimes.
It takes the union from deep water to sanguine twin orbiting, at least that's how I consider the prospect, it's not exactly a necessary leap to take but if you want to encircle and absorb one another and get as close as you can to one another in every aspect of living alongside, why not go for the heaviest of distances and marry, I like the notion even though I have not got as far as that, I've had cause to consider the concept so I know I am capable of it, it's not for everybody though and we all have our own scale of feeling we have to consult.
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