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Do you ever meet a girl who will not meet?

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cberg
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15 Jun 2017, 6:55 pm

Finally now that's out of the way & we can all stay at our keyboards. :lol:

In other words, we can all do anything electronically hence we should give our fancypants electronics better stuff to do than enabling avoidance & continue our old electronic habits AS PEOPLE.


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TheSpectrum
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15 Jun 2017, 6:59 pm

I think women do not want to meet as they fear it might give many the impression they are taking a friendship "further" even if that is not the intention - to them it means being a closer friend, whereas to the guys in question they might see it as them putting out the feelers, going on a date, or making the move from friendship to "something more". When I was younger and more naive I definitely made the mistake of misinterpreting a meet up going back a decade or so. The meeting did sour the friendship a bit, and I think the eccentricity of our online conversations really didn't translate in the real world.

A lot of what I say here I just wouldn't in real life. The same could be said about others. Not because it is a false persona, per se, but because memes, various types of humour and topics don't translate into real life conversations very well.


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Richardf269
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15 Jun 2017, 7:05 pm

Gallium wrote:
I am one of those girls (sorry guys!).
There are a couple reasons for this. The first is safety. From a young age girls are taught to be afraid, especially of strangers and strangers online. We are told horror stories and yelled at and cautioned. We are told to be afraid of men online in particular so meeting someone you know online is often a big "no-no" for us. Its much safer for us to never meet IRL because we can't always trust you to be who you say you are.
The second reason is that online friends have a special dynamic that is kind of fun, and meeting in person can ruin this. From my point of view, my online friends only know as much about me as I want them to so I can be whoever I want to be to them. This is the benefit of the internet and sometimes its good to take advantage of that benefit and not ruin it with real-life interactions.

I know it can be frustrating to not be able to meet IRL but you need to consider how this girl might feel and whether she might be concerned about her safety (this is not a reflection on you, its just something she has been taught todo), you also should consider if meeting IRL is really good for your friendship at all.

Hope that was helpful


Have to agree with you, no matter how frustrating it is. It happened to me a month ago. I suggested maybe we could meet just to hang out a few days after my Bday, and totally blew me off. She stopped talking to me after that, even after I left her another message just wishing her well.



The_Face_of_Boo
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16 Jun 2017, 1:05 am

^ If she liked she you would have met you.

It's not about the safety thing at all, you're not going to meet her in a dark alley but in some cafe or restaurant where there are tons of people and in plain daylight.

She rejected you because she doesn't see you as a potential boyfriend, she is not attracted to you; not because she's afraid of you, if she was really afraid of you and perceive you dangerous then she would have blocked/ghosted you way before.

It's not a coincidence that she ghosted you just after you ask her for a meet up.

This was just an excuse; TheSpectrum's theory is more true.



Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 16 Jun 2017, 4:33 am, edited 1 time in total.

Sabreclaw
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16 Jun 2017, 1:36 am

If they want nothing to do with you IRL it means they're not interested in you, neither platonically nor romantically. "Safety" is a load of crap because people become irrational when they're attached to others and don't think about consequences.

Internet "friendships" are rarely anything more than simple amusements. Don't get attached to people online; they're probably not attached to you and even if they were there's no guarantee you'd click IRL anyway.



cberg
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16 Jun 2017, 2:17 am

Logical flaw: guys do this all the time, for considerably lesser reasons.


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Mr_Miner
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19 Jun 2017, 6:58 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Mr. Miner, I am gonna ask you this question, and answer honestly:

Did any of these online-friend girls ever made the effort to initiate a text/chat/call with you during the day (without you starting first)?

Do you think that did they ever scroll their contact list on their device/computer/whatever, to find your name, and clicked on your name and send a "Hello" to you (instead of Replying)?


No, the people I am thinking of were back before text message was a thing. I'm 32 and I am talking my high school days. Back then it was online messaging. But I always said hi first. It's probably true she was not really interested in being my friend. I see that now.



The_Face_of_Boo
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20 Jun 2017, 3:35 pm

Mr_Miner wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Mr. Miner, I am gonna ask you this question, and answer honestly:

Did any of these online-friend girls ever made the effort to initiate a text/chat/call with you during the day (without you starting first)?

Do you think that did they ever scroll their contact list on their device/computer/whatever, to find your name, and clicked on your name and send a "Hello" to you (instead of Replying)?


No, the people I am thinking of were back before text message was a thing. I'm 32 and I am talking my high school days. Back then it was online messaging. But I always said hi first. It's probably true she was not really interested in being my friend. I see that now.



Back then there was MSN messenger and email ;) (Btw kids, it had features better than any of your chat apps today)

This same rule always existed: Guy always saying Hi first = girl is not interested.



Sweetleaf
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20 Jun 2017, 6:32 pm

I met my boyfriend in person after meeting him online, also met other guys in person after initially meeting online before that, but none of them really proved to be interested in a relationship with me. So I am a female who has wanted to meet in person sooner than later, but I have certainly talked to guys and not ended up meeting them in person...really depended on how the online conversing went whether I wanted to meet them or not.


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