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Do love can come with time??

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Sweetleaf
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19 Jun 2017, 6:11 pm

ltcvnzl wrote:
It's not that I feel I *deserve* his love or him own it to me because I'm nice. It's just that... why do he prefer to stay in a relationship with someone who doesn't care for him? and why can't he change his mind about me hence I had changed my behavior a lot?

the thing that worries me more about it is that we are in long distance (by itself it wasn't a problem, because his actual gf is also on distance) so if we were in a relationship we could plan to be together, this would be so great because we offer a lot of support to each other I really miss having him near me, but if we are just friends we are probably never getting to live close to each other again :/ if i could live near him, i think i wouldn't mind much...


If he has a girlfriend it would be disrespectful for him to have an intimate relationship with you to...unless he and her have agreed to have an open relationship. Otherwise it would make it cheating on her if he has anything with you aside from platonic friendship. I'd say if he has said he doesn't want a relationship with you...then that probably means he doesn't want a relationship with you.

Of course you mention you and him have had sex...was this before he had this other girlfriend or whilst he's been with her? If it was while he was in a relationship with her I wouldn't trust him even if he did break up with her and claim to want to try dating you...because how do you know he wouldn't be having sex with other women on the side while being with you? Or i that something you'd be ok with.


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ltcvnzl
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19 Jun 2017, 6:56 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:
ltcvnzl wrote:
It's not that I feel I *deserve* his love or him own it to me because I'm nice. It's just that... why do he prefer to stay in a relationship with someone who doesn't care for him? and why can't he change his mind about me hence I had changed my behavior a lot?

the thing that worries me more about it is that we are in long distance (by itself it wasn't a problem, because his actual gf is also on distance) so if we were in a relationship we could plan to be together, this would be so great because we offer a lot of support to each other I really miss having him near me, but if we are just friends we are probably never getting to live close to each other again :/ if i could live near him, i think i wouldn't mind much...


If he has a girlfriend it would be disrespectful for him to have an intimate relationship with you to...unless he and her have agreed to have an open relationship. Otherwise it would make it cheating on her if he has anything with you aside from platonic friendship. I'd say if he has said he doesn't want a relationship with you...then that probably means he doesn't want a relationship with you.

Of course you mention you and him have had sex...was this before he had this other girlfriend or whilst he's been with her? If it was while he was in a relationship with her I wouldn't trust him even if he did break up with her and claim to want to try dating you...because how do you know he wouldn't be having sex with other women on the side while being with you? Or i that something you'd be ok with.


no, it was before. i don't want him to cheat on his gf... but honestly, it seems that not even them are sure if it's a relationship? he doesn't get into details about it with me, but he said it's more superficial than he thought it was, and i honestly think it's just a matter of time to them to break up.

it's quite clear that he have difficult committing to things – not just to relationships, but everything.



ltcvnzl
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25 Jun 2017, 7:22 pm

I talked with this guy today and I'm sure that doesn't matter how good I am for him he will never notice and value it. I feel so sad about it. I love him too much, I don't know what to do.



The_Face_of_Boo
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26 Jun 2017, 3:06 am

You are confusing again between lust and love.

Yes, love comes with time.



ltcvnzl
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26 Jun 2017, 10:37 am

I didn't understand. I don't think i have only lust for him?



The_Face_of_Boo
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26 Jun 2017, 10:51 am

ltcvnzl wrote:
I didn't understand. I don't think i have only lust for him?


He is confusing between lust and love; so I meant if you think like him then you are confusing between the two too.

Love *always* comes with time.

It doesn't happen just like that.



ltcvnzl
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26 Jun 2017, 11:53 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
ltcvnzl wrote:
I didn't understand. I don't think i have only lust for him?


He is confusing between lust and love; so I meant if you think like him then you are confusing between the two too.

Love *always* comes with time.

It doesn't happen just like that.


AH ok. I also think this way but he seem to can't... actually it seems that doesn't matter what I do he can't change the first impression of me? It's quite weird. He can momentally assume he was wrong on his first impression, but it doesn't affect the overall image he has about me.



rdos
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26 Jun 2017, 12:56 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
You are confusing again between lust and love.

Yes, love comes with time.


Love is an extremely overused word, and lust seems to be attraction or something. I'd use the terms infatuation and attachment instead. They are a lot clearer. It is attachment that comes with time (and which we typically refer to when we talk about love), while an infatuation can start more or less instantly, and is partly involuntary.

What I think this guy refers to is that he doesn't have an infatuation, so cannot fall in love. At least that is how I reason. Without an infatuation, I won't fall in love and form a romantic attachment.