Picking up strangers is impossible.
Yeah , we are definitely crazy... we want and don't want the same thing at the same time...
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?I have learnt this, at least, by my experiment; that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams in the night, and endeavors to live the life he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.? (H. D. Thoreau, Walden)
I have the same problem, in social situations I can't think of anything to say, that kills the conversation. I wouldn't even attempt to pick up a stranger because I know this would happen, so i spare myself the trouble and humiliation.
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I am the steppenwolf that never learned to dance. (Sedaka)
El hombre es una bestia famélica, envidiosa e insaciable. (Francisco Tario)
I'm male by the way (yes, I know my avatar is misleading).
perhaps it's all the presssure you put yourself trough.. it seems to be going fine, so if you mess it up Now you have no excuse, then all you think about is 'i really wanna impress this girl' (that's at least what you Should be thinking) and then, your mind goes blank.. it's perfectly understandable, tough inconvenient.
OR.. you react to the pressure by doing an unlikely stupid thing, and doing a stupid thing on purpose (subconsciously perhaps) is better than acctually doing your best and failing. So you rather just....fail. misserably.
Or does it happen at the same time in the conversation? when you run out of the 'where do you live/what do you do's...
If it's the first reason i'd recomend having some teniques for calming you down, if it's the second you should get some balls, if it's the third... just tell me i'll figure something out.
(ah, i love playing psychoanalyzing)
OR.. you react to the pressure by doing an unlikely stupid thing, and doing a stupid thing on purpose (subconsciously perhaps) is better than acctually doing your best and failing. So you rather just....fail. misserably.
Or does it happen at the same time in the conversation? when you run out of the 'where do you live/what do you do's...
If it's the first reason i'd recomend having some teniques for calming you down, if it's the second you should get some balls, if it's the third... just tell me i'll figure something out.
My problem is partly the first point, partly the 3rd. The 1st happens particularly when meeting people for the first time (I still have difficulties after I relax once I know the person, but not as bad). The only party I've been able to socialise in normally & have a good time in was one in which I a) did not know almost anyone there and b) was extremely unlikely to ever see any of them again in my life after a few weeks (was moving to another continent). It was also an extremely friendly and relaxed environment, etc, so it certainly wasn't just that it didn't make any difference whatsoever how badly I messed up, but it did contribute.
If I get past the hurdle of the 1st point, then the 3rd point takes over. This happens with both people I've just met and people I already know, and is therefore the more problematic of the two.
_________________
I am the steppenwolf that never learned to dance. (Sedaka)
El hombre es una bestia famélica, envidiosa e insaciable. (Francisco Tario)
I'm male by the way (yes, I know my avatar is misleading).
hm, i'm not t he best girl to ask advice off about this. But here goes.
Don't underestimate your own interests and knowledge. Perhaps you think they're not intrested but if you never talk about them you'll never find someone who does find them interesting.
i assume most of the time you mind isn't blank, you always must think about Something or have an opinion of something; share it! if the other person is mildly sociable you should be able to get a conversation starting.
the person you are facing is probably not The Most Interesting person in the world, and they are not expecting you to be.
it all depends of course, if you are trying to fit into a crowd with the oposite interests of yourself it might not go so good. But you can always try, people like new things (if they don't have AS:))
And consider this! the person is talking to you. thus far you are thinking it is going pretty well. That in itself is a sign that the person will willingly listen to your opinions/interests without being jugemental..
cal, i can relate to quite some of the things you were typing.
signs... i hate them. are they there for real? were they meant the way i took them? or did i make it all up from wishful thinking? i never could be sure about those things... if in doubt, ill rather refrain to having probably misinterpreted all and everything.
an even worse problem with me and strangers is that i grow less and less interested in them by the day. for someone to catch my fancy, someone must impress me with intelligence and the impression that in this persons head could indeed happen as much as does in mine - that this someone could make a real counterpart to me, not someone whose programming i grasp within the first three sentences and find boring from there on. yet, to get these vital impressions from someone, i need to have at least minimal contact - which ill usually not have because i wont believe first hand that someone could actually exhibit these traits. i know its circular, but thats how i feel all day.
to like someone, i need to know them first. to get to know them, i need to like them first (to have enough interest for the whole process).
signs... i hate them. are they there for real? were they meant the way i took them? or did i make it all up from wishful thinking? i never could be sure about those things... if in doubt, ill rather refrain to having probably misinterpreted all and everything.
Yeah, and the problem is that I believe some things
which are seen as absolutely impossible, in the same
manner as I believe the signs that I get off of people.
Don't have the guts to just fly off a bridge either.
i assume most of the time you mind isn't blank, you always must think about Something or have an opinion of something; share it! if the other person is mildly sociable you should be able to get a conversation starting.
the person you are facing is probably not The Most Interesting person in the world, and they are not expecting you to be.
it all depends of course, if you are trying to fit into a crowd with the oposite interests of yourself it might not go so good. But you can always try, people like new things (if they don't have AS:))
And consider this! the person is talking to you. thus far you are thinking it is going pretty well. That in itself is a sign that the person will willingly listen to your opinions/interests without being jugemental..
I think this is, in general, good advice. In my specific case, though, there are so few people I have any common interests with (I am interested in very few things, actually) that it doesn't really work, so I really, really hate the what-do-you-do-for-fun type of conversation, which seems to invariably lead to us discovering more and more things we don't have in common. Also, I'm tired of being seen as a freak and prefer to hide dirty secrets like the fact I like classical music. of course, if I discover someone actually shares an interest, I will talk to them about it - the last time I made a friend it started due to our similar tastes in literature.
_________________
I am the steppenwolf that never learned to dance. (Sedaka)
El hombre es una bestia famélica, envidiosa e insaciable. (Francisco Tario)
I'm male by the way (yes, I know my avatar is misleading).
you know what i hate these conversations too, because i have few things to say up front. if you're a thinker instead of a doer (lol)then it's hard to find something to say. Make it about opinions instead.. discuss something.. Try to pick something from your surroundings or the news or her/yours background, whatever!
Speak about the music or the reason you are there, ie. some common ground to build upon. Then you compliment or notice her to let her know that you are interested. Be confident and relaxed. Don't speak too much, keep her wondering. Anticipate her desires and you have it made! Good luck
yeah, it sounds so easy
I went through sort of the same thing. She showed me that she was insulted but I realized it too late. I did not let myself think, I just ran. I was distracted and now I think maybe I have ADD?
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