Stopping Yourself from Having a Crush

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it's a horrible feeling when I fall for someone
I know in my heart I will never have them-it's a terrible thing for me
love...
it never has done me any good-just pain

The optimism in my sad little soul
keeps me certain that I will end
up with them. Wrong as it may be.

well I don't have that
I successfully make myself not like people
it's helpful and keeps me a tad happier-though miserabl because I'm alone (but I won't let myself like anyone-it's a vicious circle)
nothing ever rreally works out well for me
and when it does there's always a weird twist to it

I wrote a very precise answer, which I lost when my browser crashed. I think rebound might be the wrong word. Basically it's just that I would be better off abandoning the brooding, moody type, even if they are very seductive and make me want to kiss their owies. Intelligent and melancholic is fine. Self-destructive or gloomy is not. I just don't want to patch up anybody's aching empty spaces ever again. I want to be freely chosen, cherished, and desired by someone who feels content alone.

I have little crushes all the time. Sometimes, tho, I have to get rid of them...for instance, when I have a crush on a friend...that just can't happen...to get rid of it, I make myself have a crush pn someone else, someone I know I would never actually date...for instance, the cute Objectivist at the school. Good looking...but he's an objectivist, and I object to that. But...the new crush takes my attention off of the friend I don't want to have a crush on.

I always think I am cured, but then suddenly comes the time that I feel emotionaly attached to a woman, and start to feel sad and depressed because I can't have her.

I try not to befriend people and to like people so I don't have to suffer from that pain again.

Ah, so it's just the type - and you wouldn't want
to mistakenly end up with something like that.
So, it's not the fact that they were dumped, but
that they're acting like what you don't want?
Seems a sensible way. Saddens me to wonder
how many people are instinctively turned away
from my type, but viva la difference.

By "type" I meant more ... what the person is like at a given time. Not a fixed and unchanging thing.

I mean, like, several years ago, I was the witchy histrionic type of girlfriend. And now I'm not.

I think.

Right, but a person quickly gets over their
moodiness in a new love. Something like
my brooding nature, whilst hidden by the
flush of new love, is really a permanent
condition, just ameliorated by comfort
or happiness.

It would be illegal for me to pursue my crushes in some cases, so I'd rather just forget about them.

I don't even bother trying anymore

If brooding means possessing a contemplative nature, which is a temperament vulnerable to more sadness than others, I am sure that would be a permanent condition. A good one, even.

But if brooding means depressed... why, I don't think anybody is meant to be permanently depressed.

Overly contemplative. To the point of paralyzation. Ever read Dostoevsky's
"Notes From Underground"? Had to read it for a class a couple of years ago,
and almost all of my fellow students seemed appalled by it. I had never seen
anything that so closely described the inner reaches of my black soul. Bitterly
blaming all my flaws on humanity as a whole, whilst seeing myself as above
it all - all the while hiding in my dark pit of misery. Nothing good in it.

And no, not permanently depressed. But more screwed up than one
can imagine a person being, without living as such a one. Ah, I had
my good days, to be sure. Back when I had love. Will again, if I am
once more slain by that fell and terrible beast. Which given my particular
makeup is frighteningly likely.

Nothing good in raw, honest, poignant humanity? Beg to differ, sir.

Of Dostoevsky, I've only read The Brothers Karamazov. I am not sure I could handle Notes from Underground yet, since from the looks of it I'm sure it would dredge up memories that are not yet sufficiently remote for me to regard with a cool eye.

We're all wretched enough, anyway, but it takes honesty to see it. We're not hopeless though.

(I'm sooo sleepy. Apologies for any incoherency.)

Nothing good in brooding the way that I do.
But, I'm a man (if I can be called that) of
thought, and not of action. It's what comes
naturally.



I had read Karamazov, as well as Crime and Punishment, but neither struck
me with the same sense of hopelessly finding myself. Kinda felt some of
that again, when I found this site - but there seem to be a number of
people here much more capable of handling the day to day existence.



No, sadly even I, who should know much better, am
plagued with hope. Forever to be crushed by my
inabilities.



Coherent to me. Enjoy your sleep, I've still got work to do.

I've had the crush problem. I have the opposite problem now. I'm having trouble having a crush. Believe me that is a lot worse.

If you really want to stop having a crush, show yourself how you can have a crush over anybody or even reproduce that feeling over nothing. Then get supper complacent and develop emotional blunting (can't help you with that). Also fear of rejection can help. Don't say I didn't warn you.

I don't really want to have pointless crushes. But I do want to be able feel that way. So when it is actually meaningful I could.