How do I apply business skills to relationships and dating

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And yet a lot of the preferences expressed by WPers lean in what you refer to as NT relationships.

And I think a lot of this is a misunderstanding or even a deliberate misrepresentation of what NT relationships are like. If you actually read my post, you'll find more agreement than not, so I'm not sure why your responses seem to have me saying things I never said.

Also, I'm less concerned with attachments or bonds or whatever. That's a different topic, and more your area. If that's what it is, that's what it is, but I'm not arguing one way or another.

The tit-for-tat thing--I never said in this thread that relationships are, not even in business relationships. A mutually beneficial relationship ideally pairs up two people who support each other simply by being who they are. Let's say I'm a songwriter/pianist but not a good singer. The ideal mate for me is a talented wannabe recording artist/singer/poet with no instrumental skill or theoretical knowledge. There's no condition that she MUST cowrite with me, but a desire to cowrite is a defo plus in dating her--or if we're not dating, it's a good business arrangement. BTW, mixed cowriting teams are generally a poor decision as they are often relationship killers if you're already involved. There are ways around it, but cowriting is by nature an intimate activity. If you have a gf and decide to take on a female cowriting partner, it's best to break up right away.

Anyway, business arrangements are not inherently tit-for-tat. If you need, say, toilet paper, you can get it at our local grocery. You CAN get it for free. But that means mining and processing ore to build tools and machines to build more machines that cut and process trees for fiber--and I'll be laying a lot of cable in the meantime, so that's not really helpful. On the other hand, by spending less than $5 at Kroger, I just helped feed thousands of families who mined the materials and built/maintained/operated those machines and cut/processed trees for fiber. And don't forget everyone involved in distribution and the store itself. Think about it, it takes thousands of hands just to wipe your butt. Sure, they could do it for free. But they could also starve since nobody will take care of them. We pay people to do stuff for us because we need each other. They need us to stay alive. We need them to keep our anuses clean. I can dish out $5 every few weeks for it because someone else is taking care of my needs while I help them with something they can't do themselves. And by helping that person, I'm also serving whoever is giving THEM the money they give me to do whatever it is we enjoy doing for them.

I don't do what I do with the expectation of a reward. The trouble is that without compensation, I cannot do what I enjoy and continue to survive. I'll be glad to help you "out of the goodness of my heart," but that all ends when I starve to death. So let me figure out where my next meal is coming from and I'll get back to you as soon as I can. Of course, you could buy me a cheeseburger NOW and I'll have that much less to worry about.

So basically if I were to grossly oversimplify your point, AngelRho, it would be that if you are a truly good and useful person to everyone, people will be drawn to you?

There's another community I'm a part of where I help pretty much everyone with stuff. There's only one girl in the entire community, so of course she has a boyfriend already, but she and everyone else there does like me. Being useful to people certainly seems to have paid off in this small way.

Of course that doesn't take individual compatibility into account, which with me is pretty damn hard to get right, but it's a start.

I don't believe I want to introduce business principles into my love life.

I've had enough of that for it to turn me off for life.

That's pretty much it.

My premise always begins with human nature being selfish. What draws people to you is how well you exploit their selfishness. Which is easier, being rude or nasty to people or being kind and generous? In terms of getting what you want, I mean. So people tend to be awesome to each other out of fear they might actually need someone else one day.

The OP referred to business tactics and relationships. Romantic relationships and business relations are both HR concerns. So if you have some amount of HR skills, you can survive at least lower level business involvement as well as LTR's.

Problem is, even if girls find you useful, it doesn't mean they want to take it any further than an acquaintance or a friendship. They also need to be attracted to you, and attraction doesn't equal being useful.

My premise is that relationships should not be built on selfishness. I think being kind and generous is not something you should be to get what you want, especially not from a partner. For me, kindness and generosity are something you are without expectations, otherwise, it is all fake.



No, a relationship is not an HR concern.

That's because so many people have been brain-washed with dating and NT preferences.



I exaggerated, just like you did.



Yes, because of dating and matching interests, but that is also NT. I've said it before, but I can repeat it, temporary beneficial pairs tend to drift apart over time, which is partly why interest-matching in dating is such a bad idea. It takes away the incitement for compromise, which most successful LTRs have. But, sure, if you expect your relationships to be "until something better comes along", then I suppose you should be fine with it.



Let's say one of you want to pursue something else or go into your area. That will be a relationship killer since you cannot handle the change. Just like if you are business partners, and you get new interests, you will break up and move on.



Neither can I, but that is work, not a relationship. I don't need rewards in a relationship. A relationship should not be about survival or mutual benefit.

Left out the final part of my comment; "Of course that doesn't take individual compatibility into account, which with me is pretty damn hard to get right, but it's a start."

Ummm...you know what HR is, right?