Board index › Coping in life › Love and Dating

Is there any point to making friends?

Page 2 of 2 [ 22 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2

Previous topic | Next topic

Cad
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 17 May 2009
Gender: Female
Posts: 486
Location: Between zinc and mercury

14 Sep 2017, 3:04 pm

hurtloam wrote:
A lot of people thinking the OP is male.

As ever this forum assuming that women can't possibly be perpetually single.

............

I don't think people use friends as a substitute for relationships. Their life just changes when they're in a relationship and they just gravitate to people more like themselves.


Yeah I hear you. I am a woman, read my profile thing.

Also I love your signature. They call Alabama the Crimson Tide, call me Deacon Blues! (Sorry if it is not related to this song....)


Yeah I don't know. I've had a few friends who were super close find partners who they say have similar personalities to me and "oh you'll love to meet so and so, he's so similar to you, same sense of humour" etc. I feel like I was just the substitute friend while they were looking for a partner. Perpetually single is ok as long as my friends are still going to be my friends and still want to spend time with me. If they all leave me then I don't want to be perpetually single anymore. I don't want to be anything anymore.

I have started to view friends as temporary/transient though which helps somewhat. My problem is that I do have the ability to get attached to people as I'm extremely loyal. But whatever. So are dogs. Maybe I should get a dog.


_________________
"Three degrees. It’s too steep for your average billiard table, but not as steep as my driveway." - RB


funeralxempire
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Oct 2014
Age: 40
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 30,385
Location: Right over your left shoulder

14 Sep 2017, 4:27 pm

whatamievendoing wrote:
Cad wrote:
So is there really any point to putting time or energy into friendships when you're essentially using your friends as substitutes for a partner that hasn't arrived yet?


If that's your perspective on the purpose of friends, then probably not.


This, kinda...

But also, friends are useful, they know people and things you don't. They can give you valuable information and lend an extra hand with tasks or activities that require more than just yourself. Try swapping an engine in a car without some friends. :lol:


_________________
The Party told you to reject the evidence of your eyes and ears. It was their final, most essential command.
You can't advance to the next level without stomping on a few Koopas.


hurtloam
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Mar 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,747
Location: Eyjafjallajökull

14 Sep 2017, 4:34 pm

funeralxempire wrote:
whatamievendoing wrote:
Cad wrote:
So is there really any point to putting time or energy into friendships when you're essentially using your friends as substitutes for a partner that hasn't arrived yet?


If that's your perspective on the purpose of friends, then probably not.


This, kinda...

But also, friends are useful, they know people and things you don't. They can give you valuable information and lend an extra hand with tasks or activities that require more than just yourself. Try swapping an engine in a car without some friends. :lol:


No the OP isn't using friends as a substitute for a relationship. She feels like they are using her and then ditching her when they pair up.

And she's hurt. 'Whats the point' refers to her thinking why did they befriend me just to drop me? What was the point of that?



hurtloam
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Mar 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,747
Location: Eyjafjallajökull

14 Sep 2017, 4:37 pm

Cad wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
A lot of people thinking the OP is male.

As ever this forum assuming that women can't possibly be perpetually single.

............

I don't think people use friends as a substitute for relationships. Their life just changes when they're in a relationship and they just gravitate to people more like themselves.


Yeah I hear you. I am a woman, read my profile thing.

Also I love your signature. They call Alabama the Crimson Tide, call me Deacon Blues! (Sorry if it is not related to this song....)


Yeah I don't know. I've had a few friends who were super close find partners who they say have similar personalities to me and "oh you'll love to meet so and so, he's so similar to you, same sense of humour" etc. I feel like I was just the substitute friend while they were looking for a partner. Perpetually single is ok as long as my friends are still going to be my friends and still want to spend time with me. If they all leave me then I don't want to be perpetually single anymore. I don't want to be anything anymore.

I have started to view friends as temporary/transient though which helps somewhat. My problem is that I do have the ability to get attached to people as I'm extremely loyal. But whatever. So are dogs. Maybe I should get a dog.


Yup I'm a steely Dan fan

I feel the same. I don't want a relationship for the sake of one. I want to meet someone compatible. But I do wonder if my old friends would include me if I was a part of a couple the way they are.

It's like they don't know how to deal with or what to do with us odd single people.



wanderlust77
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 27 Aug 2017
Age: 27
Gender: Female
Posts: 140
Location: Ireland

14 Sep 2017, 4:46 pm

Who is a friend at all?
I thought I made some friends, I was happy finally I had some girls around but it was short lived. They "left" me when they found a new guy. Practically I was good to go out with as they didn't want to go alone, I was good to listen they whinging about those guys but when I had some problems, when I wanted to vent, they disappeared.
Or they used me as an ego boost, looking down on me made them feel better about themselves.
At the moment I'm just happy to be alone, no more fake friends.
I even deactivated my facebook.
Let's see who's gonna make an effort to send a friggin' text. Not even a call, just a simple text.



funeralxempire
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Oct 2014
Age: 40
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 30,385
Location: Right over your left shoulder

14 Sep 2017, 4:56 pm

hurtloam wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
whatamievendoing wrote:
Cad wrote:
So is there really any point to putting time or energy into friendships when you're essentially using your friends as substitutes for a partner that hasn't arrived yet?


If that's your perspective on the purpose of friends, then probably not.


This, kinda...

But also, friends are useful, they know people and things you don't. They can give you valuable information and lend an extra hand with tasks or activities that require more than just yourself. Try swapping an engine in a car without some friends. :lol:


No the OP isn't using friends as a substitute for a relationship. She feels like they are using her and then ditching her when they pair up.

And she's hurt. 'Whats the point' refers to her thinking why did they befriend me just to drop me? What was the point of that?


:oops:


_________________
The Party told you to reject the evidence of your eyes and ears. It was their final, most essential command.
You can't advance to the next level without stomping on a few Koopas.