How to end a 'relationship'?

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Too funny! That sounds like me, minus the "waiting" part. I had plenty of sex over the last 15 years, mainly with escorts; even did a threesome once . But today, my sex drive is nonexistent! I have absolutely no desire to have any sex whatsoever. So I if were to ever get coerced into marriage, a hug, fully clothed, is the maximum my wife would get from me. (Hey, that's form of a touch.)

I take the marriage thing seriously. That said, I also recognize it's not for everyone. That couple split in the last 2 or 3 years. She had a bout with cancer, has a host of health problems besides that, had been in a bad marriage before... So I admire her for hanging in there as long as she did. Her hubby was a real pill, though. At least you're honest about where you stand.

And then at the end of the day Angelrho would be bewildered wondering why she was so angry at him for messing her around and wasting her day just to pull the rug out from under her.

It's not at all funny. Poor lass. If the guy knew he wasn't interested in sex he should gave just admitted it from the start and let her make an informed decision.

You can't mess people around. Other people have feelings Aspi1, even women.

Anyway. How is the OP doing? You sounded really depressed girl7000. Are you feeling any better?

OK, seriously, you're overlooking two things.

1. My post was tongue-in-cheek. I was responding to AngelRho's post about the man who never touched his wife after marrying her, and pointed out how he (that man) similar to me. I'm actually very happy that my sex drive disappeared. I'm saving hundreds of dollars because I'm not seeing escorts, and I can talk to "free" women with no tension whatsoever. Women pick up on that, and feel comfortable with me, because I don't come off as a horndog, like I did when I was younger.

2. Most wives don't like having sex with their husbands. It has to with the dichotomy between the men women sexually desire (alpha) vis-a-vis the men women marry (beta). So if anything, my wife would be happy to have a husband who doesn't bother her with sex requests. Even if she agreed to have sex, it'd strictly out of her self-imposed sense of duty, so it wouldn't be good sex, anyway. And I've had good sex.

No, I'd be upset that I had to break up with a great girl I'd been in a relationship with for so long.

Stuff happens, people break up. We don't want to see people hurt, but it can't be helped. Actions have consequences. The least you can do is your best to show that in the end you cared enough about someone to at least make the effort.

It's going to hurt no matter what you do. You have a "mature f2f," I mean, really, is that supposed to actually be better? Breaking up with someone is ALWAYS pulling the rug out. Why spend the entirety of your last day together fussing and fighting?

Ghosting, emails/text, etc. don't even ATTEMPT to release the person from the relationship. There's no closure, no questions, no conversation.

On the other hand, if things have been questionable for some time and suddenly you're right back where you started, he or she is going to KNOW something's going to happen. When you're evasive about what's really happening, it will start to become clear. You sit down together, rehash the good times, and tell your ex it has to end and you're sorry. You stick around as long as it takes, but within reason. Your ex might have a lot to say, but the answer to questions of second chances, forgiveness, and so on will always be "no." Not that you can't forgive someone for what they did wrong, because you should, but forgiveness doesn't change the nature of the former relationship. It's over. Done. You've got a 3-4 hour window to wrap things up. This is mainly for the person you're breaking up WITH, but the important point is you give no hint or suggestion of any possibility of getting back together.

They always know it's coming. They might be in denial, but they always know. You're not pulling any rugs. So give 'em a good send-off. Close the circle. They may not deserve closure, but give them what you can.

I don't buy the whole alpha/beta thing. Marriage provides stability and security. The downside of that is it allows couples to become lazy and take each other for granted. We're pushing 40 and the sex is STILL great. But you have to moderate any number of dynamics that affect libido. The closer you get to middle age, the more your hormones and mind play evil tricks on you, like waking up one day and thinking "What the hell happened to me???" Uh...nothing. But then you take out that great big car loan and buy the new red Corvette or the vintage 70's hemi or whatever. And you're going to the bar making eyes with the pretty thing down at the other end who does NOT seem to be really enjoying her night out with the nerd next to her.

If you resist it and push through another 10 years, the drop in testosterone will help ease those feelings. I have nothing to worry about personally, but at my age it's all about wondering whether my life was just a waste. If the Grim Reaper showed up right now for me, I'd feel relieved. But I have kids to raise. And my reproductive years aren't quite over yet. We'll revisit this in a year and see how I feel! lol

Angelrho. Why do you keep mentioning ghosting in your replies to me? I have not once said anyone should be ghosted.

I will never ever agree with you. I think your idea is cruel and misleading. We will not ever see eye to eye on this.

Do it ike a band aid. Rip it right off.

You're assuming things about all women.

But as long as you're upfront from the beginning that this is how you feel then you'll hopefully be on the same page.

Ghosting is a breakup tactic that lies on the opposite end of the spectrum, one of any number of strategies one can use to end the relationship. In terms of moral ground, it's the most heinous thing anyone can do. It warrants special mention because of the fact that it doesn't actually end anything. It's a non-breakup breakup. Avoids confrontation, BUT doesn't communicate anything. The ghost has to figure out on his own that he's been dumped.

As such, there's a time/place for it. My point is out of a range of ways you can leave someone, that's the lowest.

Like a band-aid, you say? I don't think you understand the nature of the wound. The function of a band-aid is to cover a surface wound and to promote healing while protecting the skin.

We're not talking about healing wounds or protecting anyone. We're talking about PURPOSEFULLY INFLICTING a wound. You're gonna rip someone's heart out, crush it, and feed it back to him. The least you can do is put 'em under before you make the first cut. You stitch things up as best you can and leave the healing up to him.

Good grief...I mean, forgive my frustration here, but you'd think no one on here had ever been dumped before! Look, relationships are always about the other person. Both people on both sides have to think about the other person, not just what they can get out of being with someone. So when things fall apart, you're going to have "that talk."

A contentious person will do all the yelling and screaming before he or she walks out the door. The coward will just vanish without a word. A decent person will ask to meet you somewhere and ask, "are you happy with me? I mean, TRULY happy?" After that, "the TALK" starts something like this: "Because we've been fighting for the last month and a half. I don't know how you possibly be happy with me. I'M not even happy with me right now! lol But we've had some great times, right? Hey, you remember that time when ____? That was so amazing! I could have lived in that moment forever. And today has been a wonderful day, too. I've really enjoyed it. I think we should just remember THIS, don't you think? Thank you for everything! Let's go our separate ways now. I know you'll find the happiness you deserve!"