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But how are you so sure that it means that they want you? Given that they aren't saying so, isn't that jumping to conclusions?

Maybe she's just being nice. Maybe she looks at everyone like that. Or maybe there's something she disapproves of.

In any case, it's beyond me why that would bother you.

Yes, possible subtle indications cause me some upset, because I have to either risk disregarding something important, or risk presuming something that isn't so.

But you've decided for sure that it means that she wants you, and that's jumping to conclusions.

Michael829

I'm just going to add that I've asked several girls out based on "the look" and "the smile" and I've later found out that they all, equally like me or anyone else, are not interested based on that. I might as well say that you should marry your television screen, because of watching Saturday Night Live late at night while looking at the screen intently with a big smile and laugh.

Thank you, Kiprobalhato, for the genuine response.

I've started a why do people stare thread before and not had much interest in it.

Maybe we're just really attractive lol.

What would you prefer over staring? I'd like for the person just to come and start a conversation or invite me to hang out.

Well, it is quite obvious that you don't know what "ND eye contact" looks like if you confuse "the look" with "the smile". Smiling is so definitely not part of it, but quick glances are, which cannot be reduced to "the look" at all because that could be about anything.

Besides, as a guy, you are breaking the rules by "asking out". Dating is not a part of neurodiverse courtship, so you don't ask out.



Sure, if you rely on the wrong signals, that will certainly be the case.

Yes hurtloam I agree! I much prefer to have a conversation. The usual thing is people make eye contact from across the room, smile at each other and the guy goes up and talks to her. But the staring part just bothers me. I feel creeped out when I do it to someone and I feel creeped out when someone does it to me. I'd much rather one of us just walk up and be like "Hey I like your shirt" or something like that. Eye contact is a big autism thing and I'm fine with it while conversing with someone but that blank staring just makes me uneasy. I figured other aspies would have similar problems.

Yes, eye contact is a big autism thing, but not in the way most people think of it. Autistics are both accused of avoiding eye contact and of staring. Does this make any sense? Yes, it does, but only if being accused of staring causes them avoid eye contact. Eventually, some autistics learn to use quick glances so they can escape being accused of staring by NTs.

Does it make any sense that aspies feel uneasy when stared at? Not really.

Oh so if a member of the opposite sex stares at you, it means they fancy you?

I always thought it meant they want to fight me.

That's where I've been going wrong all these years.

I must come here more often.

rdos... I think you just gave me the answer I was looking for. Thanks.