Are we really worth it?

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What's your job? I'm betting it'd Lower income no?

Most aspies who work in good jobs have gfs. Even what's his name from Australia has gotten more female interest and gfs since he got into that higher paying tech job.

Most men who work good jobs in general are in relationships unless they prefer to just sleep around.

It's not my autistic traits that make me think, "am I worth it....?" It's my physical health. I'm ill again this week.

Ok so maybe the autistic traits stifle my ability to get to know someone. I don't behave like NT women and I guess that's confusing for men. My communication and signals are all a bit off.

But

I've met someone who seems to like me, but i can't cultivate this because I'm sick again and I don't get to see him.

He's not a mind reader. He doesn't know I'm not going out with our friends today because my head is killing me and I ache all over. He probably thinks I'm away having fun with my own friends and have no time for him.

Even then. Who wants a sick partner? Who wants to keep cancelling plans because she's ill? Maybe I need a homebody. The annoying thing is, at heart, I'm very outdoorsy and like being active. Im trapped in a body that doesn't work.

Find someone like me. 75%homebody and 25% outdoors. Doesn't help me none though. Makes me hard for homebody and outside women, cause I like staying home(anxiety recovery time) but I want to go camping and hiking. Most women are either one. Not both. That woman that hunts:( fishes:( all the time wouldn't work out with me, but neither does the woman who thinks camping is icky and would never do it.

If a guy loves you he'll be fine cancelling and caring for you. If he's not then you're better off without him and he likely just wants a activity partner.

Sorry to read of your health issues.

Perhaps someone who travels a lot would be a good fit?

One thing you should not do is decide for someone else what they deserve or should want.

Do take the time to tell your current date what is going on, and how much you wish you could be spending the time with him. And consider inviting him over. After that, the ball is in his court.

If I'm going to be brutally honest I will have to admit that you have a point. I don't know if it is the money so much as that the same factors that allow an Aspie to be successful in the job world are likely to also play well in the dating world, but successful men do have an easier time dating.

Still, nothing is 100%.

As for the original question:

There are women interested in my ASD son, and I think he has a lot to offer, even if there are ways he will always fail to fit the standardized version of an ideal boyfriend.

My son has had enough training to have his ASD not be noticed, although he is proud of his ASD (he creates it for his creativity and loyalty). He can carry on conversations with strangers comfortably. He follows the social norms. His grooming is a bit quirky and inconsistent, but that tends to give him this absent minded professor image (even though he is a student, not a professor). He learned how to successfully take on leadership roles in Boy Scouts, and he does that at school clubs. He did a lot of acting in high school and is comfortable being the center of attention. Between having a sister and spending all that time in drama (which is 80% female), he is really comfortable talking to girls just as friends and acquaintances. He is high IQ, studying in a high demand field, and headed towards a decent career (he already has some decent work experience, so he is capable of getting through interviews and being well respected in a job).

He was always one of those outgoing Aspies, although he wasn't always good at getting the results from it that he wanted. That was something he had to learn.

What he doesn't do is provide the feedback girls usually need. He gets lost in his own projects and forgets to call. It takes a very secure woman to date him.

One of the things I respect about him is that he isn't interested in a girlfriend for the sake of having a girlfriend. He has been so busy and focused that he wasn't really planning to date. But, being as involved on campus as he is and as easy around strangers as he is, he does get to know girls as acquaintances. If there is someone that shares a lot of his interests and that it is becoming obvious he is compatible with, then that is someone he will consider a next step with.

He currently has a girlfriend, much to my surprise. While I feel sorry for all the ways my son is likely to confuse her and drive her nuts, I think she is with a genuinely good person and, in the balance, doing well for herself. She seems like a genuinely good fit; if it works for them, then they both win, IMHO.

Thanks.

Current date? Lol. I'd have to get a date first.

This is a striking example where the one who is giving advice is living (or lived) an entire different reality than the one who is receiving the advice, an entire different wavelength.

I've just realised I took DWAMOm too literally. She means current guy I'm interested in. And her advice is good. There's nothing unrealistic about it. She's advocating honest communication.

I'm afraid that I might already have made mistakes with people that could turn the tide against me. I try to present my best self, but sometimes I fail on an epic level.

I generally feel that its not worth it for anyone to date me or to even pursue me. Dating for me becomes troublesome really quickly because despite that I'm well over the age of 21 my parents are very strict about who comes into my life. Now granted part of it is my fault because I've not really done much to change the situation despite being well aware of sheltered of a life that I've grown up in.

I'm not sure what my folks' stance on me dating actually is but what I do know is that their desires for who they want me to be with is very unrealistic ... They feel that for 1 I should only date other christians because as a christian to date anyone else outside the religion is not going to work out because we're "unevenly yoked" and I've had them literally tell me to my face that the relationship won't work because the person isn't a christian. 2 on the list is again, I grew up very sheltered so as a uterus owner this makes them fearful of any potential human contact that comes my way because "all people have an alternative motive" and out to "take advantage" of me. Assuming 3 would be that they'd want someone to relate to me on a similiar lvl I don't feel they'd want me with someone else that's disabled because that person wouldn't be able to "take care of me" and "give me the life that I am used to having".

Its all pretty complicated to say the least but the latest thing is that my mom told me about a week ago that I shouldn't date or even bother to pursue a relationship because "all men want kids". I've made it very clear to her and everyone else that I don't want kids and I'm even willing to get fixed to keep from having kids. So far I have a boyfriend who I've been pretty steady with for about 6 months despite moving 2 months after getting together. I don't know how long his patience will withstand considering that my dad has made it pretty clear that he doesn't want him seeing me. My dad told me several months ago and my mom the other night(for the second time) that my current boyfriend "isn't the right person for me" and that I should just get over it.

I've been married for some time and have two kids. I do not have a high paying job. My wife is not AS. However, me being a bit odd did not stop her. It also did not stop several other ladies who showed interest over the years. Many women are attracted to quieter, more thoughtful men and of course there are female Aspies as well.
There are thousands of happily married Aspies. It can just be a case of waiting for the right person. Dating websites are not a bad idea, so long as you are careful and there are some just for people like us. Do not give up hope.

Who is "we"? The entire AS spectrum?

Maybe it doesn't make sense to lump all AS together, just like it does not make sense to lump all NTs together

Plenty of people with AS do not have official diagnosis.

Everyone has their own flaws

What one person labels as a flaw, someone else sees as a strength

Nobody is perfect

In the united States, half of marriages end in divorce.

So, if you do not get married at all. Ever. What difference does it make?

Plenty of people with mental illness and medical diagnosis get married

Current interest?

I should have been more careful in my word choice. And also more careful paying attention to your specific word choices. I should (and usually do) know better after all these years. But it doesn't change my suggestion.

I hope something comes together.

How far are you from being able to live on your own?

While I think that good parents often have good instincts, in your case I think your parents are rigidly sticking to a concept of Christianity that isn't likely to work for you. I am a Christian but I don't believe as they do. At all, really, and we could probably spend hours and hours discussing all the theology but that wouldn't really be the point. The point is that it sounds like the adult life you are envisioning for yourself is nothing like the one they are, and my instincts tell me that you are probably making the wiser call, and may know what God wants for you as a unique individual better than they are capable of seeing. Parents, and I know it because I do it myself, can get locked into these ideas of what life should be for our kids, but those really are our ideas, not Gods. Raising a child with special needs and another with mental health challenges has taught me that incredibly clearly, but I had to let go of a lot of my own assumptions before I could see it. The problem is, when faith is as rigid as your parent's seems to be, I don't know if they will ever let go of enough assumptions to see other paths.

Your parents will not be around forever, and you need to give some thought to what will happen at that point. Do you have the better chance pursuing your own vision for your life, or theirs? You are correct, your situation is complicated, and I wish you the best of luck trying to figure it out.

When true, is it always a bad thing?

No two people on earth live the same life. The beauty of message boards is that you reach a lot of different people and, thus, can listen to a lot of different ideas. One never knows what will make sense to someone seeking input, or where the inspiration they need will come from.

I did misspeak, however, and should have been more careful and precise.

And it's definitely not a tramp stamp!