Coping With Prolonged & Involuntary Romantic Isolation?

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Agreed.





But those men don't understand themselves or their situation.

The Incel/Chad myth is a fantasy-concept borne of an ignorance of how things truly work.

It would be akin to joining an organization about people who have Parkinson's - but believe they have that condition due to their body being plagued by demons.

- The Incel/Chad-crowd doesn't understand the true cause of their problem.

So the OP should avoid them and avoid spreading their fantasy-ideology (as everyone should).

- Also, every male that has trouble finding a girlfriend, has a problem that is most likely easily fixable.

If every problem a male has is preventing them from satiating romantic desire is always fixable, then how come so many members of this certain subset of males exist?

Because there are also many women who are after the wrong thing.

They date the wrong men; marry the wrong men - and then get divorced and finally in their late 30's and early 40's, find a nice-guy to "settle" with, for financial reasons.

This happens in such a noticably high volume, that it causes problems for a large number of males who are trying to find a decent mate.

So the main problem most men have, is not knowing that they should seek an intelligent-woman to be with.

Yes, men should keep themselves in shape and treat women with respect - but also understand that you might be wasting your energy with most women.

Men need to know that the key is finding a woman of intelligence - who values self-respect and love above all else.

Understand the problem, and then the solution becomes easy.

For exercise, try anything and everything until you find something you enjoy.

The best exercise programme is the one you will stick with be it strength training, bodyweight exercises, crossfit, GGP, cardio, etc.

As Boxman said, you should exercise fr health, self esteem, stress relief and fun, not for social approval.

Being fit doesn't have to mean shredded abs or bulging biceps but its okay if you do want these things. It's about what you can do and how healthy you feel as well on the inside.

Pro bodybuildrs pumped with anabolic steroids may 'look' healthy but internally the roids give their body all sorta f ngeatovew side effects.

That really skinny underweight guy with the shredded abs might be unhealthy too.

I was that guy at one point. I dangerously underate and over exercised, I could run fast but certainly was not fit or healthy. I felt sick, insomniatic and tired all the time due to malnutritional as well as physical weakness.

I suggest slowly changing your habits to a healthier siey and first and foremost working on weight loss. Making sure your diet is high in all the necessary nutrients, protein, fat, carbs, vitamins and minerals and losing the weight slow and stedily rather than crash dieting is the way to go.

To maintain muscle mass try doing a beginner weighlifting routine like all Pros Simple Beginner Routine.

Once the weights gone aim for whatever you want to. Get shredded? Gain muscle? Simply exercise and keep a healthy weight? Whatever, its up to you, you're a free man and should life by your own terms.

A lot of people don't like exercise but i suggest you try anything and everything. I'm sure there could be something you enjoy even if its just walking or light cycling.

Give something a chance for a few months before Deciding if you want something else.

Just.make sure you don't overexercise. Also, diet and how many calories/kilojoules you consume from food has more of an effect on your appearance than pure exercise alone.

Thanks everybody for your responses.

@wanderlust77 I've done and continue to do a lot of self-reflection, introspection, generally trying to figure out my place in the world, etc. I've come to learn my strengths and short-comings, and everything is piecing together and making more sense day-by-day. As for traits blocking my success, issues with self-esteem hinder my motivation to go out and meet new people, as I just figure that most won't be interested in me. I've tried going to events alone to meet new people before, but I have difficulty integrating myself into group conversations, especially when others there already know each other and I know no-one.

I can identify traits I want in a partner. I think I'd be best with someone who, like myself, feels like they belong to a different breed of human than most. Someone who is loyal and honest, who values intelligence, but who also is creative, and who invests in a creative pursuit/s. I could say more but I think you get that I have considered this.

When people say "you shouldn't change for someone else", I think of that more as "don't compromise who you are fundamentally to appease another" than "you don't need to bother working on yourself". I understand at least some level of physical attraction is required to make a relationship work, which is largely why I'm doing very little to pursue women at the moment.

There are things that I want to do, but my current financial situation is making it difficult to achieve most of them. I'm holding out hope that my employment agency will be able to help me get a job, but at the time being, I feel I have little power over the situation. When I start making money, I know I'll be more confident, but I've still got to deal with my situation until then.

I'm learning to largely not care what most people think. I care about what my friends and family, and prospective romantic partners and employers think of me, but that's about it.

@ShyGirl7 I don't think women are attracted to abusers simply because they're abusers, nor do I think they crave abuse. I think the more likely explanation is that abusers display particular qualities that are attractive to women (confidence? control over one's situation?), and as a result they are able to woo women into being with them until later on in the relationship when they reveal their true colours, at which point some women hold out hope that they can "change" the guy they're with, and mould him into a more idealistic and less abusive partner.

I don't see myself as a "nice guy" or a "jerk". I'm happy to help people where and when need be if I have the tools to do so, but I'm not the kind to kiss a woman's feet and attend to their every single desire. A partnership works both ways as far as I'm concerned, so I'm quite happy to give of myself to a woman, but only if it's reciprocated. I would be happy to treat a woman like a queen, but only if she's happy to treat me like a king.

I do have a gym membership that I hadn't used in like a year until my mum managed to talk me into going for a bit a couple of days ago. I chalked not going all this time down to laziness, but it probably had more to do with the unfamiliar environment/people and a lack of an established routine/rapport. I also probably put too much pressure on myself to find the "perfect" way to work out and achieve my goals, and in doing so, I metaphorically paralysed myself, as figuring that out requires more mental energy/interest in the subject than I have. As Outrider said, and as I'm starting to realise, just showing up and getting comfortable in the gym should be my first goal. I can keep building on it from there, but if I don't start, I will continue to get nowhere with it.

My gym (which is on my street) does offer yoga classes. When I get comfortable going there, I'll start attending the yoga and other classes they offer (for free with the membership).

In relation to your suggestion about the book store, it's something I'm open to doing if I can appease the slight concerns I have about it. Whilst I do read, it's seldom in the form of books, so I would be worried that being in a book store, a woman I'd approach might have expectations that I am an avid book reader when I'm not. I do think you're right in thinking I should be looking for an intelligent woman though. Fortunately that's what I want anyway.

Shygirl7 has some really funny conceptions of female psychology, good on you that you're not listening. She's probably filtering her opinions through some really negative personal experiences that she lived or witnessed. Same goes for the incel crowd, those guys have some really toxic ideas and should be 100% ignored.

On health, I'm not exactly a model of good-living myself but I've been dropping weight at an alarming rate by simply cutting out most of the crap I hate (do miss my Doritos sometimes tho ) and using good ol' bipedal locomotion for mostly everything. Need to do groceries? Grab a large tote-bag and get them legs moving! Bored at home? Stick your legs under you and go visit a park or something. Hungry? How 'bout you walk to a restaurant instead of ordering in? Sounds like a chore at first, but much less so that going to the gym or jogging or whatnot. I've found that gym memberships are more often than not abandoned within the first month or two (could just be me there mind you).

You call it toxic, I call it leaving the plantation. But if you want to keep picking women's cotton, go on ahead.

Ask yourself. If you never have a relationship, is that a problem? If you stay single for the rest of your days can you still live an enjoyable life?

If the answer is, yes, you can enjoy your life without a relationship than you'll be fine, with or without a relationship.

If the answer is, no, you can't enjoy your life without a relationship than you've got a problem because there's a chance you'll never have a relationship so if you don't find a way to enjoy the single life there's a chance you won't enjoy your life.

If you do find a way to enjoy the single life then you can enjoy the rest of your life, without a girlfriend and maybe there's a chance (just a chance) that you'll find the love of your life along the way.

Provide more details about yourself

Are you for real?

Why would I make this post if I was okay with the prospect of being single for the rest of my life?

What kind of details?

I agree with this. No point being miserable over something we can't change.

Not as easy as it sounds.

I think you have to give up and go through the 5 stages of grief first.
I'm at the depression stage. Hopefully I'll hit acceptance soon.

I suggest running. It will give you the rush of endorphins that will make you feel good and happy for some hours. As an added benefit you will start looking fit and that again will make you feel better. Start simple, maybe just jog on the spot inside, and then gradually start doing it outside, I started out doing it in the evenings when it was getting darker outside. Then I felt less visible. Now I usually don't have any trouble doing it in full daylight. And this might sound strange but I prefer doing my running where other people do it, like most parks. Than it looks like I'm just one of the other people running around and that is viewed as perfectly normal by onlookers walking by. It will be hard in the beginning but if you keep it up it'll start be a routine you just do without much thinking. Whenever I start feeling down I now just go for a run. It always works, it's like resetting my state of mind. Whatever bad mood I was in before the workout goes away when I have found the steady rhythm of running, then you'll feel the rush of endorphins released in your body, also called a "runner's high" https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neurobiol ... l_exercise

I too used to have low self esteem but not any more after I started running many years ago.


And one other tip. If things seem impossible watch this video - "The obstacle is the way" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2rQfr7XAQi0
A wise Aspie friend of mine once recommended me this. Hope this helps

Sometimes I do that myself. It doesn't last. If I'm in a happy mood I'll say I can be happy without a relationship. If I'm in a sad mood I'll say I'll always be unhappy with or without a relationship.

[sarcasm]mood swings are fun[/sarcasm]

Rubbish. Absolute rubbish. Women hate short men, period. Of course there are outliers but a short man is way more likely to be dateless and overlooked than a tall man. These short 'jerks' you talk about must be masculine-built or have high status amongst their male peers I highly suspect. There's also racial bias and discrimination in height. We are used to the short 5'4 Philipino man, so it's more normal and socially accepted for certain racial types to be short. But not the white man. Not the West African man either.

A study in Scotland also proved short married men had heavier and less attractive wives when they tied the knot than taller men, and reported more marriage dissatisfaction. A Polish study showed short men had way less romantic partners throughout life than tall men and had fewer children and were paid less for the same job.



I'm 5'9.5 (176cm) with naturally narrow shoulders (18 inches). I'm 2cm shorter than the average white Scottish male, yet my older brother is 6'2.5 (189cm) with naturally wide shoulders (21 inches). Guess who always brought home attractive women since he was 13? Guess who brought home nothing and struggles to even get a healthy weight average looking woman? Yes. Me. And no, my brother doesn't have a great personality or smooth talking skills like de Niro. I've even gone socializing with him (on those rare times he's been single) to meet women and its like light and day how women are so eager and enthusiastic to talk to him and 'ice me out' before even getting to know either of us very well. No special chat up lines from my bro. Its all reaction to his better looks. I'm broken down before I even speak. He's even had pretty girls who are complete strangers hit on him at train station platforms and ask for his number. I've never had a pretty or even average girl hit on me in my entire life! (40 years). And no, its not down to my dress or negative body language (slumped, glum, sad.. whatever you might say)

Looks has paid a huge part in my inceldom. The Chad & incel disparity is very real.

I think the point is it's not impossible to be short and find love. Maybe a lower chance, but i know a couple of short Scottish men married to attractive ladies. When i say short i mean 5 ft 3 height.So it can happen.

It's a bit nuts that Scottish women aren't into short men. By and far the majority of Scottish women are short. I feel like a giant when I'm in Scotland.