Guys, do you hug girls you don't fancy?

Post Reply New Topic

A hug can communicate a lot. A kiss, even more. In some cultural settings, people exchange lots of kisses as a greeting. It can be anything from the haute European air peck to full on mouth to mouth. Physical affection does not always imply sexual interest. That said, it's easy to tell when someone wants to convey more with a kiss than a mere greeting; you'll know when it happens to you.

Sorry, I didn't reply, I am reading the comments and digesting what I read.

Careful, you may end up vomiting crap.

sounds like a medical emergency.

I do hug some of my female friends, usually when we are going home and give each other a kiss on the cheek. It is just a friendly thing.
I have also occasionally hugged with friends in front of a film for example, even if we are just friends and we are not attracted to each other. It can be nice with a close friend.

I'm antiaffection with everyone including my family except I love being affectionate with my girlfriend.

Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. (Sigmund Freud)

A hug is a greeting. Just that: a greeting, like shaking hands. It doesn't mean that a girl wants to have sex with you. It doesn't mean she wants you to escalate into kissing or fondling. It doesn't mean she likes you romantically. It does mean that she's not repulsed by you, and that she respects you enough to allow close body contact with you. It took me until age 22 to fully grasp this concept. Prior to that, I remember getting overly eager about "having a girlfriend" when a girl hugged me. To say nothing of making her uncomfortable when I escalated things.

The social circle I currently hang with skews toward hug-heavy. My good friend (female) of 1.5 years gives me great hugs, that she puts a lot of emotional warmth into. Girls in the group hug virtually everyone, except for people who previously made them uncomfortable. Guys usually shake hands with other guys, although a few exchange bro hugs (one-arm hug while shaking hands). I allow those with no discomfort on my part, since I know they're a gesture of respect, but I don't initiate them, since I lack the intuition of knowing what a specific guy would prefer. Now, most people in the group have not slept with each other. And those that did are exclusive couples. (I refrain from saying "serious" because it implies "unfun".)

In a way, I feel like I beat the system that leaves a lot of American men hug-deprived. (Women don't have this problem, since they usually hug their friends.) Several people I know had to settle down into very serious relationships, to gain access to the good hugs I frequently get in platonic contexts.

I'm ok with hugs. I think I prefer them to handshakes. Although I usually think the other person needs them more than I do.

But if it makes you uncomfortable you should say something.

I'm also prone to LONG speeches sometimes, and have followed people a long way before, talking at them and not really realizing what I was doing. It happens.

I met a lot of people yesterday, and a lot of them offered hugs. I saw no sign of physical attraction.

I don't like hugging men; I don't mind hugging women I don't fancy--though that's still awkward.

I feel sexual attraction when I come in contact with a woman's body via my body.

I always saw hugs as a greeting, so it was never an issue for me. But I do understand why you would've mistaken hugs for a sign of romantic interest back in the day. I may be tremendously off here, but maybe it has something to do with the mentality that "real" men don't show their emotions, and hugs are essentially a way of showing them.

I don't think the "showing emotions" thing is it. I think the real causes are these two things. One (1), I used to be hideously, disgustingly ugly. So it used to take girls a lot of mental effort to overcome their visceral hate toward my looks, and greet me with a hug. Only to regret it, because I'd get too close and too eager. Because the hugs happened so rarely, it wasn't a big stretch of imagination for me to interpret them as indicators of interest. Two (2), it's a matter of desensitization. After I aged into my looks and built up my social skills, women became more comfortable with hugging me closely, even within minutes of meeting me. As hugs became more frequent, their significance in my mind decreased. Plus, I'm still a beta male as I always was, so it'd be ridiculous to think that every girl who hugs me is romantically interested in me.

Women don’t hug me. I haven’t been hugged or touched even in years.

If hug/touch is your main concern, then the following environments seem to be heavy on it: cruises and Meetup groups.

The women in my Meetup groups are quite generous with the hugs. Of course, don't make the same mistake I used to make 10 years ago (when Meetup didn't exist), and lean in full-body, when it was meant to be a light, shoulders-only "good to see you" hug. Although, some of the women who know me well allow fuller, "you're a lot of fun!" hugs, which are still strictly platonic. Of course, DO NOT join a Meetup group just "for the hugs". If women catch wind of it, they will think you're creepy.

Oh yeah, cruises. I jokingly call them "oxytocin therapy at sea". Both times I went, I had women get touchy-feely or affectionate with me within minutes of meeting me. It wasn't out out of the blue or uninvited; those things just seemed to happen naturally, even with women I knew would never be interested in me. This behavior seemed most common in situations involving music, alcohol, and dancing.

If nothing else, these activities will help you view hugs as friendliness, or playful flirting at most, rather than romantic interest.

Maybe he's been watching stuff like TOWIE, they all hug don't they (I'm not a fan) or Friends. If he's Aspie he might have studded the subject rather than form an opinion based on observation of the norm around him. On the other hand he might fancy you. Either way you are allowed to say you don't want to hug. I'm not a huger, I never know what to do when someone tries and by the time I've worked it out it's over.

Nope. I only hug the lovely Mrs Trueno. I don't even hug my mother.