My struggles in finding a girlfriend

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Some groups of people indigenous to the Arctic have a near exclusively ketogenic diet and are just fine.

I don’t seriously think iron overload is a sure thing, on a side note. We’re talking liver, red meat, and oysters for, like, 3 meals a day—and plenty of it. If you’re pre-diabetic or have a family history of diabetes, why risk it?

And diabetics really CAN’T do ketogenic. One effect of diabetes is the runaway metabolism of fat into ketones resulting in a high-acid environment. Your organs will begin shutting down if that happens.

For pre-diabetes, I strongly recommend intermittent fasting, aka window fasting. For example, you could only eat during daytime hours but never from sunset to sunrise. Blood sugar spikes during sleep. So starving during peak times would help stabilize sugar levels across the whole day and possibly completely reverse pre-diabetes.

I will typically fast from sunset Friday to sunset on Saturday. If I must eat on Saturday, I may fast for two days elsewhere in the week. I do allow some days to overeat, but we’re talking usually no more than once a month. I’ve found doing this generally helps overall.

I think people should stop setting up so many restrictive rules.

Eat some more protein, eat some more fiber, monitor your calorie intake, and enjoy your treats in moderation.

In 4 words, eat properly and exercise.

I don't think my weight is my only issue or even the most pressing for that matter. My emotions are probably the most important struggle. I can't go through the day without thinking about my singlehood and if it will ever end or if I am going to continue walking this life alone until I die.

What if your weight is what's keeping you single?

It could be a factor but on the same token, I've seen overweight guys with girlfriends. In fact, I saw one with a nerdy/geeky girlfriend at college earlier this year.

College was also a disappointment despite how others told me it was going to be better for me than high school. I've dropped out twice in the last few years.

No way bro!

Didn't you hear?

Zero fat, zero carb, Organic vegan gluten free intermittent fasting paleo diets are the key to weight loss!

Certainly not simply "eating healthy" or "calculating calories" or "generally avoiding very processed foods".

You need to go on an intermittent paleo fat free fruitarian synergy quinoa/flax bar only diet for the best metabolic burning detox cleansifying muscle memory process.



/s

Goddamnit people overcomplicate things to avoid counting calories.

The distinct difference being that they have managed to garner interest and judging by your post, you haven't had the same luck.

Just because some overweight guys can get by on other traits to attract a partner, or find a woman who is into overweight guys doesn't mean it's possible for all overweight guys. If women aren't buying what you're selling, your only real options are to improve the product and/or do a better job marketing it, or hold out hope that you'll be lucky enough that doing what you're doing now will one day result in finding a buyer, despite the fact that you're struggling to find one now.

Don't get me wrong. I can empathise with you in struggling to find a girlfriend and being depressed about it, and to a degree with weight struggles too, but my experience is that women don't tend to be interested in you just for existing. If you don't have many sought-after qualities, you won't be sought-after many times. It (usually) takes the ability to generate both physical and emotional attraction in another person to form and build on a romantic relationship, and a lack of interest from the opposite sex is indicative of difficulties with one or both of these things, so the only solution I see is self-improvement. That includes for myself.

Blimey, did you have to make another thread? They just keep getting taken over don't they.

Ok, so you have persistent depression and eat food which is loaded with calories. You also have some very negative thoughts about life and your past which has stayed with you. I do wonder if you are an emotional eater? (I know I am).

I keep hearing you say things like being overweight isn't really the issue or you see others getting together and this leaves you feeling worse. Because of the depression you seem to be focusing on what you don't have (negative) rather than what you do have (positive).

I would see if you can combine your therapy and not only focus on the depression but also on whether the eating is a way of sabotaging your goal.

Eating in a more healthy way is not the same as being on a diet. My friend who was diabetic had a plate ratio method and it worked well for him. Half a plate of veg, a quarter carbs and a quarter protein. He was told not to restrict himself too much and have treats when he wanted but not to go overboard. I use his method often and I was going pre-diabetic now I am not. Portion sizes are not to be ignored either. You can have thai food and tex mex but in a different way with more veg. He did see a dietitian and did take the advice.

Yoga and similar exercises are very good for strengthening the muscles as well as using breathing for a more healthy inside. This could also help with your diaphragm strengthening.

Having the motivation to do all of this is key - if you don't have the want to do what you think you need to to improve your life then you will indeed stay stuck. Keep going with the therapy and believe you can do it.

This made me laugh

Anything but eating less!

I wouldn't normally quote a whole post, but this is very good advice so make sure you read it.

As for diet and exercise, the best way to achieve this (in my opinion) is through incremental change rather than a single, rapid change. As a starting point, is there any foods that you could completely remove from your diet? For example, I would eat one or more bags of potato-crisps a day. When I decided that I wanted to improve my health, I decided that I would limit myself to one bag a week (on a Sunday), without replacing the other I would eat during the week with any other food. I also started going to the gym twice a week with a similarly overweight friend. Is this something you can do?

Have you considered going to weight watchers? A lot of women use that. You’ll lose weight and meet people to boot.

If you are autistic (and male) then you are NOT going to get a girl without losing the weight.
It's hard enough for most overweight NT males to get one but with autism? Forget it.
Our kind have to look as good as we possibly can in order to make up for unintentionally 'weirding out' the female with basically EVERYTHING we do and say.

Best strategy I can recommend would be to focus on losing the weight (and figure out how to keep it off).
Then look into dating ONLY females that first show an interest in you. How do you know they're interested? Plenty of videos about that on YouTube and elsewhere.

And of that subset of females that show interest do NOT go for the prettiest.
Instead shoot for the ugliest but that you think you could still live with.
She will need to be at least a cut less attractive than you.
Why? Because you will need this advantage in looks * to make up for the autism 'weirding her out'.
Without that advantage she won't stick around long enough to get to know you.


*Take heart. If you're autistic then you are almost certainly good looking (thin). Almost everyone on the spectrum is. It really is too much of a coincidence.

hypothesis: The genetic defect(s) that cause autism kill embryos (or prevents their development) if there are too many OTHER genetic defects present (as would be the case if one or both parents were 'ugly')
So that about the only autistic people we observe walking and (barely) talking are those conceived by parents with few genetic defects (i.e. attractive parents).

And I suspect the same principle applies in cases of Down Syndrome, Williams Syndrome, Fragile X, and etc.
They too have attractive parents (or else the baby never makes it out of the womb).
But in these cases the effect on the phenotype is profound enough to be detectable by sight.
While in the case of autism the effect on the phenotype is so mild that it takes a computer to detect our own brand of 'ugliness' (google 'autism', 'faces', 'computer' if you're interested)

I changed women to people as it happens vice versa. This is pretty much something every aspie has to remember. If you don’t make the effort to engage, and hell, half the time I don’t want to, people won’t notice you. They just don’t.

The only times I’ve ever been popular or cool, I’ve really talked to people on a personal level, said hello and asked about their lives daily, spoke to them for more than 2 minutes, took an interest in what they were doing(In my early 20s, this meant drinking every Friday after work. Not once a month, every Friday), and forged some form of connection.

I’m 32 now and I really cannot be bothered, as I don’t care much any more about drinking and being the life of the party, but you do notice, that it’s a lot lonlier when you don’t put in that effort.

The boy in the cafe downstairs knows the name of all the people at my work, but forgets mine.

Next week, I’m going to take my own advice, and will report back after that how long it takes for him to start calling me Fi. I guarantee you it will work.

I don’t really care about being remembered, but I want to prove to you it works.

It sure is interesting how a thread about not finding a girlfriend quickly became a weightloss-thread, like it's the most important thing in finding a girlfriend.

It’s one of 4 most important deal breakers.