Anyone else find relationships/'love feeling' difficult?

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I hope it's an amiabe separation, Beady.

Hi again everybody,

I just wanted to say thank you once again for all of your replies and help, it really is so confusing trying to understand my feelings sometimes and generates so much anxiety, all of your different comments and wisdom really give me something to think about, and I guess a reference point to help me understand what's going on

Alexythymia makes a lot of sense... I don't mean to keep churning out life stories, but a few years ago my mum died and it took me a month to get upset, I remember just slowly feeling an increase of anxiety inside me, like a physical feeling of tension, that got so big I eventually couldn't eat or sleep and it was only after that the feelings of missing her and shock seemed to arrive. It felt like ice slowly slowly melting. At the time I was very close to a guy who wanted to be with me but I said no, only to realise months and months later I was in love with him. I've ALWAYS found it so hard to understand what I feel, but like you say Kraftie, it often seems to materialise into clarity much much later. With my last boyfriend I literally used to experience my feelings 'switching off', if we had an argument or anything too emotional, it felt like a short circuit would happen in my brain and I would go numb for a couple of days.

I have speculated that sensory overload and social exhaustion might contribute to the difficulty feeling things emotionally too, as this numbness and irritation seems to correspond to times when I just feel more overwhelmed in the world anyway, but I'm trying to work this all out. It's almost been 2 years since my diagnosis and there's so much I'm still trying to understand.

Today I am VERY happy from riding my bicycle through the sunshine. I don't know what 'love' is, but having just meditated, I would say physically, when I think of him I feel sunshine inside me, warmth, a big inside-smile and an excitement to see him. I think that's good enough for me right now It also helped that he left me alone until late last night so I could work

Beady I am sorry about your separation. I hope whatever comes in the near future brings you happiness and whatever you're looking for. And Kraftie, it makes so much sense to me that you wouldn't know how to respond to the phone call from your wife! A very similar situation happened between my dad and my sister, except he told her he'd speak to her in the morning and went back to bed, so at least you only took a few minutes to respond

Stick with this guy. You've got something special with him.

I'm glad you're feeling sunshine!
I think you sound like the type of person for whom sunshine is never far away.

I'll be fine thank you both, and I am quite excited for the next adventure. I always feel quite loosely connected to life which has it's good and bad sides.