Sabreclaw wrote:
Marknis wrote:
I read an ebook by someone who is in his late 50's who's never had a girlfriend despite his attempts and he's accepted he will most likely die alone. Back when I first learned I had Aspergers, I read similar stories and they molded my outlook. With every passing year, this fear becomes more and more apt.
Nobody on this site seems to understand how brutal it is to watch everyone around you effortlessly attract people while it's impossible for yourself to do so. And you'll just get conflicting advice; be yourself, change yourself, ask out a huge number of women to try and get a few dates here and there, only ask out special women, get out more, focus on your hobbies, abandon your hobbies and develop new ones, focus on yourself, give up, keep trying, etcetera.
Nobody can agree on the magic formula because there is none. People in our situation are fundamentally flawed to begin with, the standard advice doesn't apply to us because we're bad fits with society in the first place.
You might be right.
However, that’s about as helpful as “standard advice.” I’m more a proponent of meeting large numbers of women. I dislike targeting specific women because it sets you up to obsess over someone who is, based on pure chance, NOT going to reciprocate—or even if she does, the long-term outlook isn’t good, or at least not in your favor.
But even if you don’t take my advice, the main thing that gets you there is consistency, and that’s with anything you want to do in life. People who get dates all the time on websites are people who’ve been at it enough to learn the tricks. Some are quicker than others. And I think that creates the illusion that they possess something we do not. My wife and I are a very unlikely couple, but we got together. You owe it to yourself to at least try.
This reminds me of something my daughter did. She really wants to get into art, and I’m totally clueless. I can do some crude pencil sketches and that’a about it. So she’d Take pieces out of this art kit she got for her birthday and spend the next hour sobbing because she couldn’t figure out how to make it work. This went on for nearly a month. So I took a look. One part was a spiral art stencil. So I fit the two pieces together and ran a pencil through it. She’s like, whoa... Now I can’t keep my kids away from making spiral art.
You aren’t missing anything. You just haven’t stuck with it enough to understand it. You can’t just try one thing a few times and expect results. My daughter thought the art kit was something like the Trolls movie where the lead character cuts a few things with scissors, adds glue, opens up a scrapbook and it instantly spits glitter at you.
Real life doesn’t actually work that way. I’m uncomfortable with the idea of going up to one girl you like just to ask her out on one date and spending the rest of the year crying because she rejected you. I’m uncomfortable with most early emotional attachments, period, for that very reason. It sets up unrealistic expectations and messes you up inside. Save it for when the attraction is mutual.
I know your stance on this. However, plenty of other people have the exact opposite stance. So when there's so many gurus around with differing opinions, all insisting insisting their way is the right way, all the advice ends up being a meaningless blur of concepts. Marknis has to find his own way, not rely on the opinions on some random folks on the internet as gospel.
04 Feb 2018, 8:35 am
