Giving women gifts is desperate, but stopping is entitled?

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They're not going to know that you have Aspergers unless you tell them and most people don't know what Aspergers is. They may have heard of it but really all they know are stereotypes that may in some cases not even be true.
At most if you seem naive or inexperienced that could make you an easy target to take advantage of. Generally women who do that don't necessarily need a guy with Aspergers though. It probably works on enough NT men.


First of all since you mentioned 50 shades of grey. I haven't seen the movie but as far as I know many of the things in 50 shades are abuse and not SM. I mean something like that could happen in real life and people could refer to it as SM but it really isn't what it is supposed to be. There's sort of this 'rule' that, at least if you don't know a person well enough sexually already, you should discuss in detail before what each of the persons wants and doesn't want. You also should have a safe-word - something you (or the other person) can say and then the both of you immediately stop (something that's not 'no' or 'stop' but that you wouldn't say as part of the 'role play').
I don't have any personal experience with this but at least in theory it's not abusive and if both people know what they want and are responsible about it it won't lead to trauma.

In my case, if a man were to ask me out to a restaurant, I would have no idea if he intends it to be a date or not and typically bring money to pay for myself, despite the fact that regardless of whether or not it's a date, men have always insisted on paying. It seems that many men thinks it makes them look bad when the woman pays.

But would you get upset and call off the date cause they guy would rather take a stroll through a park and talk? Imagine you met on OkCupid. It’s pretty clear it’s a date.

Some maybe I wager most is because other women got upset when they didn’t want t pay. I don’t think most men are stuck in the past where their manhood relies on them paying for women’s food.

I don’t mind walking in the park. I don’t mind movies, either.

I wouldn’t feel right if I didn’t pay for the date.

When I was dating, I expected the asker to pay. I always waited to be asked on a first date, so he always paid, but I'd also get drinks in if I was there first, etc. I always VERY happy with cheap dates and much preferred them as a first date. It puts neither of us under any great expectation.

I would, however, be uncomfortable with a 'walk in the park' as a first date. The sad truth is that when you are meeting someone, especially from the Internet, you don't really know who they are and you need to meet first in a well-attended public space. I have gone for a walk in the park on a first date, but only after chatting for a while over coffee. Meeting in the park means you may be alone with someone you don't know well with poor lines of sight and no easy escape route.

Parks here are usually well attended. Your first date was at the coffee place then. 2nd was at the park.
$5 cofeee is a lot for me. And I’d have to buy two drinks so now it’s $10 which is 75% of a weeks food budget for me. So I’d have to barely eat a whole week to take a girl to coffee. Unless I have money left over from supplies. And in all likely hood she won’t every talk to me again.

Are you middle class?
Middle class people really don’t understand how expensive things are to the poor they middle class consider cheap.

A restaurant date would take me a while to save for unless I use my savings. For two people it’ll be around $40-70. I usually only eat at restaurants once a year.

Anyways what’s why I meet at Parker parks are free. Maybe if she wants a second date I could use my savings. But to blow a lot of money on first dates seems stupid to me. Most women won’t like me cause I’m fat ugly and poor so why waste my money on them?

Have you thought of a certain yellow bird?

Another problem with people telling me to "be nice to others without wanting anything in return." You can't choose to want something or not. You either want something or you don't. That's not how people's brains work.

Giving women gifts is a very outdated thing that shouldn't exist anymore in today's 'equal' world, if they are able to get the same payment as men then they shouldn't feel entitled to get gifts from men that they can full well afford themselves. And if we're going to discuss about the gesture then why can't women do the same for men? It's just ridiculous how these old mindsets dating back from the 50's are still ingrained in today's women's heads and they are absolutely refusing to let go of these ideals.

Well that is rather selfish and disrespectful of her in my opinion. But also at the same time why didn't your friend tell his date that it was getting to expensive? Sure maybe she would have been a jerk and just left, but then he'd have dodged a bullet in a manner of speaking. It is always ok to say No.

But yeah ordering the expensive meal could have been a minor slip up, like maybe not having paid attention to the price...but then ordering additional things like hors d'oeuvre trays that are 20$ each and lots of drinks, yeah I'd say she was definitely taking advantage.

Generally if you invite someone to do something with you, your implying you're treating them...unless you state beforehand that they have to pay part or all of the expenses for said activity. If a woman asks you out, than unless she states otherwise it should be equally assumed she means to pay for it.

There is no good argument for the claim males should expect sex anytime they take a woman on a date, so I think its a good thing that is not a popular attitude. Going on a date is not the same thing as consenting to sex after said date...that still needs to be agreed upon by both parties separately.

Also, I would not have been able to pay for me and my boyfriends first date, so if it had been up to me to arrange it then it would have been sitting in a park or something but I think drinks at the metal themed bar was more fun.

I think its 'don't expect expect anything in return' wanting and expecting aren't the same thing. And there is some truth to it, of course you can't help what you want, but that doesn't mean you should expect to get everything you want. Also doing something with the sole purpose being getting what you want from someone else, is called manipulation.

Being 'nice' to a girl for the sole purpose of getting her to have sex with you would be manipulation for instance.

One time a date insisted on me to go dutch (I paid her meals in the previous dates) - I said ok for this time.

Then on the next day she told me that guys who accept going dutch are stingy - it was a test.

If I were meeting someone from the internet, I would only meet in a public, non-secluded place. Parks in my area are out of the way and not the best places to meet. Perhaps if I lived in New York, I would agree to meet in a non-secluded region of Central Park.

She doesn't sound like a prize I would want to win if I were a straight man. Good riddance to her.

Exactly, problem is ....many women have a such belief.

There's also this extremely stupid social belief , which is very common among woman, is that if the bill is split , they no longer consider the tête-à-tête dinner as a date - or even a coffee setting. Like what else is it? A tête-à-tête "friendship dinner"?

The cheer amount of stupidity in this area is fascinating.