Climbing but not getting anywhere
17 Feb 2018, 2:39 pm
XFilesGeek wrote:
Marknis wrote:
I've read that the more impressive climber is the blind one who slowly but surely makes it to the top of the mountain than the one who can see and makes it there quickly. This was in a book called The Love-Shy Survival Guide by Talmer Shockley, someone with both love-shyness and Aspergers. His book tried to convey that it's still possible to learn the social skills to establish relationships even if you missed out on them in your developmental years.
Unfortunately, I always feel like I am climbing but I am never actually getting anywhere. It's like I keep slipping and falling no matter how hard I try. With each fall, I get more and more damaged to the point I wonder why I am even still alive. Even Talmer himself said he felt like his chances decreased the older he got and he eventually disappeared without a trace. I am afraid my fate will be the same.
Unfortunately, I always feel like I am climbing but I am never actually getting anywhere. It's like I keep slipping and falling no matter how hard I try. With each fall, I get more and more damaged to the point I wonder why I am even still alive. Even Talmer himself said he felt like his chances decreased the older he got and he eventually disappeared without a trace. I am afraid my fate will be the same.
The way I've come to understand it, gaining relationships with other people comes down to "salesmanship."
You need to be able to "advertise" your good qualities via your personality and through social interaction. And you need to be able to either minimize your bad qualities, or even try to paint them in a positive way.
I've seen plenty of poor blokes with chicks, but that's because they have "game."
They don’t last. I eventually the woman leaves them for s better guy. So year poor men with high arrogance and salemenshipmcan get sex big woop
17 Feb 2018, 6:56 pm
sly279 wrote:
XFilesGeek wrote:
Marknis wrote:
I've read that the more impressive climber is the blind one who slowly but surely makes it to the top of the mountain than the one who can see and makes it there quickly. This was in a book called The Love-Shy Survival Guide by Talmer Shockley, someone with both love-shyness and Aspergers. His book tried to convey that it's still possible to learn the social skills to establish relationships even if you missed out on them in your developmental years.
Unfortunately, I always feel like I am climbing but I am never actually getting anywhere. It's like I keep slipping and falling no matter how hard I try. With each fall, I get more and more damaged to the point I wonder why I am even still alive. Even Talmer himself said he felt like his chances decreased the older he got and he eventually disappeared without a trace. I am afraid my fate will be the same.
Unfortunately, I always feel like I am climbing but I am never actually getting anywhere. It's like I keep slipping and falling no matter how hard I try. With each fall, I get more and more damaged to the point I wonder why I am even still alive. Even Talmer himself said he felt like his chances decreased the older he got and he eventually disappeared without a trace. I am afraid my fate will be the same.
The way I've come to understand it, gaining relationships with other people comes down to "salesmanship."
You need to be able to "advertise" your good qualities via your personality and through social interaction. And you need to be able to either minimize your bad qualities, or even try to paint them in a positive way.
I've seen plenty of poor blokes with chicks, but that's because they have "game."
They don’t last. I eventually the woman leaves them for s better guy. So year poor men with high arrogance and salemenshipmcan get sex big woop
Not in my experience.
_________________
"If we fail to anticipate the unforeseen or expect the unexpected in a universe of infinite possibilities, we may find ourselves at the mercy of anyone or anything that cannot be programmed, categorized or easily referenced."
-XFG (no longer a moderator)
17 Feb 2018, 7:55 pm
XFilesGeek wrote:
sly279 wrote:
XFilesGeek wrote:
Marknis wrote:
I've read that the more impressive climber is the blind one who slowly but surely makes it to the top of the mountain than the one who can see and makes it there quickly. This was in a book called The Love-Shy Survival Guide by Talmer Shockley, someone with both love-shyness and Aspergers. His book tried to convey that it's still possible to learn the social skills to establish relationships even if you missed out on them in your developmental years.
Unfortunately, I always feel like I am climbing but I am never actually getting anywhere. It's like I keep slipping and falling no matter how hard I try. With each fall, I get more and more damaged to the point I wonder why I am even still alive. Even Talmer himself said he felt like his chances decreased the older he got and he eventually disappeared without a trace. I am afraid my fate will be the same.
Unfortunately, I always feel like I am climbing but I am never actually getting anywhere. It's like I keep slipping and falling no matter how hard I try. With each fall, I get more and more damaged to the point I wonder why I am even still alive. Even Talmer himself said he felt like his chances decreased the older he got and he eventually disappeared without a trace. I am afraid my fate will be the same.
The way I've come to understand it, gaining relationships with other people comes down to "salesmanship."
You need to be able to "advertise" your good qualities via your personality and through social interaction. And you need to be able to either minimize your bad qualities, or even try to paint them in a positive way.
I've seen plenty of poor blokes with chicks, but that's because they have "game."
They don’t last. I eventually the woman leaves them for s better guy. So year poor men with high arrogance and salemenshipmcan get sex big woop
Not in my experience.
Your telling me these women stay with loser men who’ll never amount to anything neber be able to provide for their children, never pay bills, never?
I’ve seen tons of break ups and I’ve read a lot of women seeking advice cause their bf is a loser and they want to leave him but they look him, willing make them a bad person to leave him they ask.
AngelRho
Veteran
Joined: 4 Jan 2008
Age: 46
Gender: Male
Posts: 9,366
Location: The Landmass between N.O. and Mobile
17 Feb 2018, 9:02 pm
sly279 wrote:
XFilesGeek wrote:
sly279 wrote:
XFilesGeek wrote:
Marknis wrote:
I've read that the more impressive climber is the blind one who slowly but surely makes it to the top of the mountain than the one who can see and makes it there quickly. This was in a book called The Love-Shy Survival Guide by Talmer Shockley, someone with both love-shyness and Aspergers. His book tried to convey that it's still possible to learn the social skills to establish relationships even if you missed out on them in your developmental years.
Unfortunately, I always feel like I am climbing but I am never actually getting anywhere. It's like I keep slipping and falling no matter how hard I try. With each fall, I get more and more damaged to the point I wonder why I am even still alive. Even Talmer himself said he felt like his chances decreased the older he got and he eventually disappeared without a trace. I am afraid my fate will be the same.
Unfortunately, I always feel like I am climbing but I am never actually getting anywhere. It's like I keep slipping and falling no matter how hard I try. With each fall, I get more and more damaged to the point I wonder why I am even still alive. Even Talmer himself said he felt like his chances decreased the older he got and he eventually disappeared without a trace. I am afraid my fate will be the same.
The way I've come to understand it, gaining relationships with other people comes down to "salesmanship."
You need to be able to "advertise" your good qualities via your personality and through social interaction. And you need to be able to either minimize your bad qualities, or even try to paint them in a positive way.
I've seen plenty of poor blokes with chicks, but that's because they have "game."
They don’t last. I eventually the woman leaves them for s better guy. So year poor men with high arrogance and salemenshipmcan get sex big woop
Not in my experience.
Your telling me these women stay with loser men who’ll never amount to anything neber be able to provide for their children, never pay bills, never?
I’ve seen tons of break ups and I’ve read a lot of women seeking advice cause their bf is a loser and they want to leave him but they look him, willing make them a bad person to leave him they ask.
Because they’re in looooooooove, or the men are just that manipulative. Dunno if that’s what she meant, but I’ve seen that scenario dozens of times.
17 Feb 2018, 9:45 pm
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
sly279 wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
What are you doing towards finding a partner? What are you doing towards making yourself more attractive to a partner? Like no offence but as far as I can tell most women aren't particularly interested in 30 year-olds with unhealthy diets who still live with their parents and aren't really advancing career-wise. It's just the way it is. If you want someone to be with you, you have to give them reasons to want to be with you, both superficial and substantial. I don't doubt that you're a nice enough guy, but that on its own isn't going to win many hearts.
And for the millions of men who can’t ? Do we get provided cyanide capsules?
Oddly most men aren’t interested in fat women but most fat women have relationships so why do men lower their standards but women don’t 0.o fairer sex my but
I don't believe there are millions who can't. Maybe thousands who don't, but if you really can't, whose fault is that? It's not women's fault if they're not interested in you, nor is it their responsibility to lower their standards to suit you. It's your responsibility to be interesting to them
Out of 3.5 billion men or so on the planet you don’t think theirs millions?
It’s not men’s fault they don’t like fat women then.
If they want to have relationships a great many will have to lower their standards there’s not a lot of middle class men certainly it enough for all the women.
Would you tell women this? No you’d say don’t change those men are just stupid and wrong, you’ll find someone your good enoug. Men you tell tough luck you suck it’s your own fault.
17 Feb 2018, 10:13 pm
sly279 wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
sly279 wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
What are you doing towards finding a partner? What are you doing towards making yourself more attractive to a partner? Like no offence but as far as I can tell most women aren't particularly interested in 30 year-olds with unhealthy diets who still live with their parents and aren't really advancing career-wise. It's just the way it is. If you want someone to be with you, you have to give them reasons to want to be with you, both superficial and substantial. I don't doubt that you're a nice enough guy, but that on its own isn't going to win many hearts.
And for the millions of men who can’t ? Do we get provided cyanide capsules?
Oddly most men aren’t interested in fat women but most fat women have relationships so why do men lower their standards but women don’t 0.o fairer sex my but
I don't believe there are millions who can't. Maybe thousands who don't, but if you really can't, whose fault is that? It's not women's fault if they're not interested in you, nor is it their responsibility to lower their standards to suit you. It's your responsibility to be interesting to them
Out of 3.5 billion men or so on the planet you don’t think theirs millions?
It’s not men’s fault they don’t like fat women then.
If they want to have relationships a great many will have to lower their standards there’s not a lot of middle class men certainly it enough for all the women.
Would you tell women this? No you’d say don’t change those men are just stupid and wrong, you’ll find someone your good enoug. Men you tell tough luck you suck it’s your own fault.
No, it's not men's fault they don't like fat women, and yes, if a woman was complaining about being chronically single and the common denominator was herself, I'd tell her she'd need to up her game as well, especially if she doesn't have any attractive qualities to offer either. A relationship is a bit like a transaction and if you have nothing tangible to offer a partner that they can't get from someone they deem more attractive, you're probably not going to get anywhere.
18 Feb 2018, 5:35 am
sly279 wrote:
I suppose you equally support men refusing to date fat women and fat shaming them? After all those men are just seeking the way they want to live their lives and what they want. But most women say different that’s it’s wrong welp I say it’s equally wrong to refuse low paid men and shame them too then.
Not dating fat women is not the same as fat-shaming them. Yes, I do think that if a man is not attracted to fat women he shouldn't date them and not dating them doesn't make him a bad person. Saying "I'm not attracted to fat women, therefore I don't date them" is not the same as saying "Fat women are worthless, lazy subhumans and they shouldn't leave their house because I don't want to see them". That I think the first opinion is ok to have doesn't mean I agree with the second.
It's the same with men who have financial problems, live with their mother and don't have a car. Saying she won't date them (e.g. because she has an active lifestyle and wants someone who can keep up with that) is not the same as calling them subhuman, worthless losers etc.
Sure there are women who shame poor men who still live with their mothers, but not all women who wouldn't date them do so, just like not all men who wouldn't date fat women do fat-shaming.
It's the same with things that pertain to me too. It's perfectly all right if someone tells me he is attracted to girls with smooth skin and not to pimply faces. Pretty much every man is going to agree with him too. It's simply in our biology to think that smooth skin is attractive and pimply skin isn't. That my skin is not smooth doesn't add any moral component that that simple fact. Now, if someone told me "Ugh, your face is so ugly you should be wearing a burka" I'm going to think that this person is rude anyway.
18 Feb 2018, 1:54 pm
XFilesGeek wrote:
Marknis wrote:
XFilesGeek wrote:
Marknis wrote:
I've read that the more impressive climber is the blind one who slowly but surely makes it to the top of the mountain than the one who can see and makes it there quickly. This was in a book called The Love-Shy Survival Guide by Talmer Shockley, someone with both love-shyness and Aspergers. His book tried to convey that it's still possible to learn the social skills to establish relationships even if you missed out on them in your developmental years.
Unfortunately, I always feel like I am climbing but I am never actually getting anywhere. It's like I keep slipping and falling no matter how hard I try. With each fall, I get more and more damaged to the point I wonder why I am even still alive. Even Talmer himself said he felt like his chances decreased the older he got and he eventually disappeared without a trace. I am afraid my fate will be the same.
Unfortunately, I always feel like I am climbing but I am never actually getting anywhere. It's like I keep slipping and falling no matter how hard I try. With each fall, I get more and more damaged to the point I wonder why I am even still alive. Even Talmer himself said he felt like his chances decreased the older he got and he eventually disappeared without a trace. I am afraid my fate will be the same.
The way I've come to understand it, gaining relationships with other people comes down to "salesmanship."
You need to be able to "advertise" your good qualities via your personality and through social interaction. And you need to be able to either minimize your bad qualities, or even try to paint them in a positive way.
I've seen plenty of poor blokes with chicks, but that's because they have "game."
No one around me had those outlooks or atleast they didn't put them like that to me. It was all about calling yourself a Christian so you aren't "immoral" but at the same time, you had to party like crazy and be an alpha male. This is partly why I lost my faith in God. I found it extremely contradictory why so many Christians proclaim to be Christian but they don't take their faith seriously.
Again, they're just "advertising" themselves as "Christians.
Most of this life is about how well you can spin bullsh_t.
And I am too authentic as a person to do either of those things.
Unfortunately, being authentic is frowned upon where I live.
AngelRho
Veteran
Joined: 4 Jan 2008
Age: 46
Gender: Male
Posts: 9,366
Location: The Landmass between N.O. and Mobile
18 Feb 2018, 2:01 pm
Marknis wrote:
XFilesGeek wrote:
Marknis wrote:
XFilesGeek wrote:
Marknis wrote:
I've read that the more impressive climber is the blind one who slowly but surely makes it to the top of the mountain than the one who can see and makes it there quickly. This was in a book called The Love-Shy Survival Guide by Talmer Shockley, someone with both love-shyness and Aspergers. His book tried to convey that it's still possible to learn the social skills to establish relationships even if you missed out on them in your developmental years.
Unfortunately, I always feel like I am climbing but I am never actually getting anywhere. It's like I keep slipping and falling no matter how hard I try. With each fall, I get more and more damaged to the point I wonder why I am even still alive. Even Talmer himself said he felt like his chances decreased the older he got and he eventually disappeared without a trace. I am afraid my fate will be the same.
Unfortunately, I always feel like I am climbing but I am never actually getting anywhere. It's like I keep slipping and falling no matter how hard I try. With each fall, I get more and more damaged to the point I wonder why I am even still alive. Even Talmer himself said he felt like his chances decreased the older he got and he eventually disappeared without a trace. I am afraid my fate will be the same.
The way I've come to understand it, gaining relationships with other people comes down to "salesmanship."
You need to be able to "advertise" your good qualities via your personality and through social interaction. And you need to be able to either minimize your bad qualities, or even try to paint them in a positive way.
I've seen plenty of poor blokes with chicks, but that's because they have "game."
No one around me had those outlooks or atleast they didn't put them like that to me. It was all about calling yourself a Christian so you aren't "immoral" but at the same time, you had to party like crazy and be an alpha male. This is partly why I lost my faith in God. I found it extremely contradictory why so many Christians proclaim to be Christian but they don't take their faith seriously.
Again, they're just "advertising" themselves as "Christians.
Most of this life is about how well you can spin bullsh_t.
And I am too authentic as a person to do either of those things.
Unfortunately, being authentic is frowned upon where I live.
If what you’ve said about people where you live is true, then I have to disagree with you. Those people are authentically @$$holes.
18 Feb 2018, 5:24 pm
AngelRho wrote:
sly279 wrote:
XFilesGeek wrote:
sly279 wrote:
XFilesGeek wrote:
Marknis wrote:
I've read that the more impressive climber is the blind one who slowly but surely makes it to the top of the mountain than the one who can see and makes it there quickly. This was in a book called The Love-Shy Survival Guide by Talmer Shockley, someone with both love-shyness and Aspergers. His book tried to convey that it's still possible to learn the social skills to establish relationships even if you missed out on them in your developmental years.
Unfortunately, I always feel like I am climbing but I am never actually getting anywhere. It's like I keep slipping and falling no matter how hard I try. With each fall, I get more and more damaged to the point I wonder why I am even still alive. Even Talmer himself said he felt like his chances decreased the older he got and he eventually disappeared without a trace. I am afraid my fate will be the same.
Unfortunately, I always feel like I am climbing but I am never actually getting anywhere. It's like I keep slipping and falling no matter how hard I try. With each fall, I get more and more damaged to the point I wonder why I am even still alive. Even Talmer himself said he felt like his chances decreased the older he got and he eventually disappeared without a trace. I am afraid my fate will be the same.
The way I've come to understand it, gaining relationships with other people comes down to "salesmanship."
You need to be able to "advertise" your good qualities via your personality and through social interaction. And you need to be able to either minimize your bad qualities, or even try to paint them in a positive way.
I've seen plenty of poor blokes with chicks, but that's because they have "game."
They don’t last. I eventually the woman leaves them for s better guy. So year poor men with high arrogance and salemenshipmcan get sex big woop
Not in my experience.
Your telling me these women stay with loser men who’ll never amount to anything neber be able to provide for their children, never pay bills, never?
I’ve seen tons of break ups and I’ve read a lot of women seeking advice cause their bf is a loser and they want to leave him but they look him, willing make them a bad person to leave him they ask.
Because they’re in looooooooove, or the men are just that manipulative. Dunno if that’s what she meant, but I’ve seen that scenario dozens of times.
Pretty much this.
Never underestimate the ability of certain people to be bullplop artists.
_________________
"If we fail to anticipate the unforeseen or expect the unexpected in a universe of infinite possibilities, we may find ourselves at the mercy of anyone or anything that cannot be programmed, categorized or easily referenced."
-XFG (no longer a moderator)
18 Feb 2018, 7:45 pm
Marknis wrote:
I fear waking up one day being 35 and I will still be making posts like this. Even though I was doubtful, a part of me atleast hoped my 20's would be better than my teens. I really should just destroy my brain already.
If you don't do anything to change your trajectory, you're probably right. Try becoming closer to what women want if you want women to want you. Women aren't going to want to be with you for no reason.
18 Feb 2018, 9:06 pm
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
Marknis wrote:
I fear waking up one day being 35 and I will still be making posts like this. Even though I was doubtful, a part of me atleast hoped my 20's would be better than my teens. I really should just destroy my brain already.
If you don't do anything to change your trajectory, you're probably right. Try becoming closer to what women want if you want women to want you. Women aren't going to want to be with you for no reason.
I don't know if my trajectory can even be changed. I missed out on learning advanced social skills in my developmental years and my brain feels fixed.
19 Feb 2018, 2:31 am
This quote has just popped up on my Facebook feed as a memory from 2014. From Brian Tracy
"You are where you are and what you are because of yourself.
Everything you are today, or ever will be in the future, is up to you. Your life today
is the sum total result of your choices, decisions and actions up to this point. You
can create your own future by changing your behaviors. You can make new
choices and decisions that are more consistent with the person you want to be and
the things you want to accomplish with your life.”
19 Feb 2018, 2:41 am
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
Marknis wrote:
I fear waking up one day being 35 and I will still be making posts like this. Even though I was doubtful, a part of me atleast hoped my 20's would be better than my teens. I really should just destroy my brain already.
If you don't do anything to change your trajectory, you're probably right. Try becoming closer to what women want if you want women to want you. Women aren't going to want to be with you for no reason.
Again what’s your suggestion for men who can’t become successful middle class men?
Worlds aleways going need low paid workers, there what keeps the world turning.
19 Feb 2018, 2:44 am
NorthWind wrote:
sly279 wrote:
I suppose you equally support men refusing to date fat women and fat shaming them? After all those men are just seeking the way they want to live their lives and what they want. But most women say different that’s it’s wrong welp I say it’s equally wrong to refuse low paid men and shame them too then.
Not dating fat women is not the same as fat-shaming them. Yes, I do think that if a man is not attracted to fat women he shouldn't date them and not dating them doesn't make him a bad person. Saying "I'm not attracted to fat women, therefore I don't date them" is not the same as saying "Fat women are worthless, lazy subhumans and they shouldn't leave their house because I don't want to see them". That I think the first opinion is ok to have doesn't mean I agree with the second.
It's the same with men who have financial problems, live with their mother and don't have a car. Saying she won't date them (e.g. because she has an active lifestyle and wants someone who can keep up with that) is not the same as calling them subhuman, worthless losers etc.
Sure there are women who shame poor men who still live with their mothers, but not all women who wouldn't date them do so, just like not all men who wouldn't date fat women do fat-shaming.
It's the same with things that pertain to me too. It's perfectly all right if someone tells me he is attracted to girls with smooth skin and not to pimply faces. Pretty much every man is going to agree with him too. It's simply in our biology to think that smooth skin is attractive and pimply skin isn't. That my skin is not smooth doesn't add any moral component that that simple fact. Now, if someone told me "Ugh, your face is so ugly you should be wearing a burka" I'm going to think that this person is rude anyway.
Describing what a real man is is shaming all men who don’t meet those requirements. Telling men they aren’t real men is shaming. Calling such men losers , man child, etc is shaming. I see lots of it everywhere from women and some men too.
