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The_Face_of_Boo
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17 Mar 2018, 7:46 am

Ichinin wrote:
If any of you find out how to find that special someone, feel free to PM me and tell me wtf you did to succeed?

I recently spent a week on a dating site and i closed it down fast. It's like no one is interested in talking or dating any more and girls/women are just interested in looking at your pictures. I tend to revisit internet dating every 6-8 months, just to learn the same lesson again and feel like i have wasted my life trying to find someone there.

Btw: I'm using a free site that have no use of creating fake accounts, and i've actually met girls there earlier.





The_Face_of_Boo
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17 Mar 2018, 7:49 am

yellowtamarin wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
yellowtamarin.... I have a serious question, I am not trolling this time, just doing the armchair psychologist: Do you fall in love?

I have done, yeah.


and are you totally out of options to make this thread on WP?

How many from Melbourne are here?



yellowtamarin
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17 Mar 2018, 4:37 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
yellowtamarin wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
yellowtamarin.... I have a serious question, I am not trolling this time, just doing the armchair psychologist: Do you fall in love?

I have done, yeah.


and are you totally out of options to make this thread on WP?

How many from Melbourne are here?

I don't understand what you mean. I made this thread because another thread was getting derailed but with a topic I thought was still interesting, and I thought it would be good if there was a place where people could go to continue such discussions, or to start a new discussion when they don't care if it goes off track after a while.

I'm not currently looking for a partner. I just like to try to help others where I can! As you can see in the early post, I described a few things about me so people can judge whether my advice might be relevant to them, not in an attempt to attract someone!

E.g. I say I have no experience with marriage. So maybe someone else can speak up that successful marriage is their forte, so anyone who wants to talk about a marriage issue can consider that person's advice.



yellowtamarin
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17 Mar 2018, 4:43 pm

Ichinin wrote:
I recently spent a week on a dating site and i closed it down fast. It's like no one is interested in talking or dating any more and girls/women are just interested in looking at your pictures. I tend to revisit internet dating every 6-8 months, just to learn the same lesson again and feel like i have wasted my life trying to find someone there.

Yeah, I think online dating has changed a lot recently. The free sites are becoming geared towards quick glances and superficial searches, rather than anything substantial and meaningful. Because of that, I'm not sure a week is long enough to stick with it. You have to put more effort into finding the needles in the crappy haystacks. But I also get that it's just not as much fun to do the online dating thing anymore (for those who prefer substance), so maybe a week is all you can tolerate!



yellowtamarin
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17 Mar 2018, 4:46 pm

cberg wrote:
Might as well pose my own question here, having likely phrased it wrong plenty before:

I don't fall in love easily but it happened anyway although I've found it's best to leave the pace of things up to her, my own pace being so awkwardly slow. As a result things are going nowhere although I know we enjoy one another's company & a good party among friends. How does an impossible geek stick around a mischievous raver lady?

Are you both interested in each other, or is that unclear at this point?



cberg
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17 Mar 2018, 11:14 pm

I know we're both interested but I'm out of ideas on how to clarify my appreciation.


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20 Mar 2018, 6:21 pm

yellowtamarin wrote:
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yellowtamarin wrote:
My main issue with L&D is finding the right person for me. I'm super fussy and I have very particular needs. I know myself very well and so I know what I want. What I want may or may not even exist out there, but I'll never give up looking.
I prefer to be single than with someone not well suited to me. It's healthier.

Same here. I know exactly want I want. I have actually met a few girls that have the qualities that I am looking for, but for some strange reason, they either aren't available, or something doesn't work out. You can't believe how frustrating and annoying that is.

I sure hope that if I find someone, it works out with them! I can imagine it'd be devastating otherwise.

Has there been a pattern to what hasn't worked out, or were they all different situations?


Well, the main issues, are that they are either already in a good, healthy relationship, I only get to meet and talk to them for a short period of time (not long enough for me, where I would feel comfortable asking them out), or they show up at a bad time (I met one at a family funeral). I don't think there was any issue between us, but it was mostly a timing, and logistics issue.



yellowtamarin
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20 Mar 2018, 8:45 pm

SilverStar wrote:
Well, the main issues, are that they are either already in a good, healthy relationship, I only get to meet and talk to them for a short period of time (not long enough for me, where I would feel comfortable asking them out), or they show up at a bad time (I met one at a family funeral). I don't think there was any issue between us, but it was mostly a timing, and logistics issue.

Online dating seems so much easier, because you know (or at least can assume) that the people there are available. And I certainly get most of my dates that way. But sometimes, somehow, I manage to meet a partner in the real world. I actually don't even know how to explain how I manage it, cos until it happens, it always just seems so unlikely!



314pe
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21 Mar 2018, 6:58 am

Ichinin wrote:
I recently spent a week on a dating site and i closed it down fast. It's like no one is interested in talking or dating any more and girls/women are just interested in looking at your pictures. I tend to revisit internet dating every 6-8 months, just to learn the same lesson again and feel like i have wasted my life trying to find someone there.

Dating was always like that, because people were always very superficial. Online dating only made this more apparent, because it helped to separate our requirements into physical and non-physical ones.

When swiping right on tinder you know that it's only appearance that seems attractive to you. In real life, you fool yourself into thinking that it's the personality only and appearance is just a bonus.

If we were less superficial, then we would actually use those non superficial dating sites. I know that some existed but I bet that all of them are dead by now because nobody used them. Google and maybe you will be lucky to find one such site, which hasn't died yet.



yellowtamarin
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21 Mar 2018, 7:23 am

314pe wrote:
Ichinin wrote:
I recently spent a week on a dating site and i closed it down fast. It's like no one is interested in talking or dating any more and girls/women are just interested in looking at your pictures. I tend to revisit internet dating every 6-8 months, just to learn the same lesson again and feel like i have wasted my life trying to find someone there.

Dating was always like that, because people were always very superficial. Online dating only made this more apparent, because it helped to separate our requirements into physical and non-physical ones.

When swiping right on tinder you know that it's only appearance that seems attractive to you. In real life, you fool yourself into thinking that it's the personality only and appearance is just a bonus.

If we were less superficial, then we would actually use those non superficial dating sites. I know that some existed but I bet that all of them are dead by now because nobody used them. Google and maybe you will be lucky to find one such site, which hasn't died yet.

Isn't there room for something in between those two extremes, though? Even when I use Tinder, I usually swipe left on anyone without profile text, no matter what they look like. But also, I'll swipe left on anyone I don't find visually attractive (or if there's no photo), because looks have some importance too.

So for me it's not looks only, or personality only. It's a mixture of everything.



Ichinin
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21 Mar 2018, 9:50 am

314pe wrote:
Ichinin wrote:
I recently spent a week on a dating site and i closed it down fast. It's like no one is interested in talking or dating any more and girls/women are just interested in looking at your pictures. I tend to revisit internet dating every 6-8 months, just to learn the same lesson again and feel like i have wasted my life trying to find someone there.

Dating was always like that, because people were always very superficial. Online dating only made this more apparent, because it helped to separate our requirements into physical and non-physical ones.

When swiping right on tinder you know that it's only appearance that seems attractive to you. In real life, you fool yourself into thinking that it's the personality only and appearance is just a bonus.

If we were less superficial, then we would actually use those non superficial dating sites. I know that some existed but I bet that all of them are dead by now because nobody used them. Google and maybe you will be lucky to find one such site, which hasn't died yet.


No, it wasn't always like that, i used to go on lots of dates when i was around 25-36, last one was back in 2013. Got tired after that and haven't really bothered, but dating sites have changed from being datingsites to AmIHotOrNot (if anyone remembers that site). People don't even bother to talk any more.

There are non-superficial sites still up and running but most of the women there work part time as scarecrows. I had a discussion with my penis about such sites and he told me he was leaving if i didn't stop visiting them :lol:


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Ichinin
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21 Mar 2018, 9:55 am

yellowtamarin wrote:
Isn't there room for something in between those two extremes, though? Even when I use Tinder, I usually swipe left on anyone without profile text, no matter what they look like. But also, I'll swipe left on anyone I don't find visually attractive (or if there's no photo), because looks have some importance too.

So for me it's not looks only, or personality only. It's a mixture of everything.


I haven't used tinder, but i do the same, i skip girls/women who cannot write a simple profile, and does NOT pose like a prostitute on their profile pictures that also come without a text description. Some girls who haven't got a profile picture but have an interesting presentation, i sometimes write to to have a quick chat with, but as any conversation nowadays, it runs out into the sand... If i'm not interested, i just click Block to get rid of them from my life so i don't spend unnecessary time on them again.

Optimal would be, as you say, a bit of column A and column B. I cannot date someone for example who is a racist idiot, or someone who has a "great personality" but who is severely obese. I'd rather date a somewhat plain looking girl who have balance of both.


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21 Mar 2018, 9:22 pm

yellowtamarin wrote:
SilverStar wrote:
Well, the main issues, are that they are either already in a good, healthy relationship, I only get to meet and talk to them for a short period of time (not long enough for me, where I would feel comfortable asking them out), or they show up at a bad time (I met one at a family funeral). I don't think there was any issue between us, but it was mostly a timing, and logistics issue.

Online dating seems so much easier, because you know (or at least can assume) that the people there are available. And I certainly get most of my dates that way. But sometimes, somehow, I manage to meet a partner in the real world. I actually don't even know how to explain how I manage it, cos until it happens, it always just seems so unlikely!


I have tried online dating, but I haven't had any luck with it.



yellowtamarin
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21 Mar 2018, 9:37 pm

SilverStar wrote:
I know exactly want I want.

Feel like sharing? I'm intrigued :)



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21 Mar 2018, 9:50 pm

cberg wrote:
Might as well pose my own question here, having likely phrased it wrong plenty before:

I don't fall in love easily but it happened anyway although I've found it's best to leave the pace of things up to her, my own pace being so awkwardly slow. As a result things are going nowhere although I know we enjoy one another's company & a good party among friends. How does an impossible geek stick around a mischievous raver lady?


Those types of women are usually good for gaining experience, getting you out of your comfort zone, and helping you loosen up a little bit, but I'm not too sure about long term relationships with them, though.



yellowtamarin
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21 Mar 2018, 10:12 pm

SilverStar wrote:
cberg wrote:
Might as well pose my own question here, having likely phrased it wrong plenty before:

I don't fall in love easily but it happened anyway although I've found it's best to leave the pace of things up to her, my own pace being so awkwardly slow. As a result things are going nowhere although I know we enjoy one another's company & a good party among friends. How does an impossible geek stick around a mischievous raver lady?


Those types of women are usually good for gaining experience, getting you out of your comfort zone, and helping you loosen up a little bit, but I'm not too sure about long term relationships with them, though.

Would you say this applies more to women than men? I have a friend who is a mischievous raver man and he's very much interested in long-lasting love. Doesn't mean he won't have fun in the meantime of course. I don't know many ravers so I don't have much data to go on.