Awkward miscommunication(s) - how to speak NT?

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cberg
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24 Apr 2018, 10:37 pm

ConcernedNtHusband wrote:
You sound like you're close to the breaking point. You have to be willing to sacrifice the friendship if you want to risk turning it romantic. If she's not interested in you romantically then your friendship will end, because it's going to be very awkward when one person knows the other thinks of them as more than a friend. That's the way things generally wind up if one person has deeper feelings than the other. You might as well push your luck, because you're just going to feel more anxious and more unhappy the longer you let this drag on. If you've felt this way for almost a decade and things haven't gotten anywhere, I suspect you're either both terrible at communicating how you feel about one another. Either that or you're seeing things that aren't there via wishful thinking and she's only interested in a platonic relationship.


I'm not as worried as you're suggesting I be here - I've met people on here who got together after 15+ years just being friends. I'm not looking to rush anything, just to make the best of what's happened already.


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kraftiekortie
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29 Apr 2018, 2:05 am

Ask her out for “coffee.” That will get the ball rolling.

And do try to reestablish text contact.

This is the only way this will go beyond the “subtle flirting” stage.



cberg
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29 Apr 2018, 1:53 pm

I guess that's all down to having more to text about. I'll plan on asking her in person when we can get a minute to ourselves. That said perhaps I've been enjoying the subtlety too much, you don't think there's any way to intensify that a bit instead?


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kraftiekortie
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29 Apr 2018, 2:28 pm

I would be less subtle in the “asking out”—but return to subtlety afterwards.



cberg
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29 Apr 2018, 8:04 pm

I'm sure I'll manage to blurt it out whenever I get the chance, what's tricky is acting like it's no big deal. I did get coffee with her once before so I guess that can't be a bad sign.


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cberg
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30 Apr 2018, 7:33 am

Would anyone preface this with an "I miss you" text?


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kraftiekortie
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30 Apr 2018, 9:57 am

I might say: "I miss talking with you," rather than say "I miss you."

Some women like it when a man "misses" them. Some women don't.



cberg
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30 Apr 2018, 5:43 pm

Then I guess I should make that subtler on my part. I'm wondering what I can do to make it all seem more casual.


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kraftiekortie
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30 Apr 2018, 8:02 pm

Your seeming "casualness" might put this person off.

I believe you should express your interest in her in some way.

Tell her you really enjoy the conversations between you two. Tell her you've learn lots from them.



underwater
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30 Apr 2018, 9:05 pm

I have the feeling some autistics express interest way too clear, and some are so subtle not even the KGB could figure out what they are feeling. Which camp do you fall into? Do you know?


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cberg
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30 Apr 2018, 10:34 pm

I'm in the too subtle group for sure. I need to be more clear about my appreciation but I can't be too intense about it. It's her presence in my life I appreciate the most, we really should talk more.


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SSJ4_PrestonGarvey
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01 May 2018, 2:55 am

underwater wrote:
I have the feeling some autistics express interest way too clear, and some are so subtle not even the KGB could figure out what they are feeling. Which camp do you fall into? Do you know?

How do you tell which you fall under(and what best to do about it)? I feel like it's super obvious even when I don't want it to be and try to hide signs so as to avoid embarrassing situations. I can feel physical attraction yet know that our personalities are incompatible or other reasons why relationship even if it were possible isn't a good idea. Or it can be when first meeting them where I won't know at all yet.


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kraftiekortie
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01 May 2018, 4:44 am

^^^Perfect masturbatory material.

Sometimes, I might think of some motorcycle mama or something. People I would never get involved with. Too freaking cynical, usually.

I like the flowery dress type of girl....yet who speaks her mind in graceful ways.



cberg
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01 May 2018, 12:41 pm

SSJ4_PrestonGarvey wrote:
underwater wrote:
I have the feeling some autistics express interest way too clear, and some are so subtle not even the KGB could figure out what they are feeling. Which camp do you fall into? Do you know?

How do you tell which you fall under(and what best to do about it)? I feel like it's super obvious even when I don't want it to be and try to hide signs so as to avoid embarrassing situations. I can feel physical attraction yet know that our personalities are incompatible or other reasons why relationship even if it were possible isn't a good idea. Or it can be when first meeting them where I won't know at all yet.


I guess I know because I have to push myself to be readable enough. For what it's worth I realize the odds are against me, I just don't see that as any reason to give up.


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kraftiekortie
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01 May 2018, 12:44 pm

Just be direct with her----at least at the point of you asking her out.

Say that you're delighted with her company (which is the truth).

I can't see why any woman would be turned off by that.



cberg
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01 May 2018, 7:11 pm

You have a point, I should fixate on being more positive towards her. There is the question of how to be the right amount of subtle. I guess you wouldn't say we're typically romantic types.


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