Board index › Coping in life › Love and Dating

The Psychological Effects Of Being 'Forever Alone'

Page 2 of 9 [ 140 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5 ... 9  Next

Previous topic | Next topic

whatamievendoing
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 20 Aug 2016
Age: 30
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,336
Location: Finland

21 Apr 2018, 7:36 am

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
whatamievendoing wrote:
I'm not entirely sure I agree with this. A part of me still believes that I'll find someone to call "the love of my life" sooner or later, but my almost complete lack of prior experience admittedly has me more suspicious than hopeful.

What is it that makes you think you'll find the love of your life despite your lack of experience? Have you been rejected much?


Only once, and it was the only time I actually felt anything resembling a crush towards someone to begin with. She even shared the same feelings towards me, but her life situation ultimately forced her to say "no".

In hindsight, I don't blame her. With her parents being so overprotective - she was 17 at the time - and us living on opposite ends of the planet, a romantic relationship would've been bound to fail. At the same time, though, that experience ignited that small spark of hope within me, if that makes sense.


_________________
“They laugh at me because I'm different; I laugh at them because they're all the same.”
― Kurt Cobain


The Grand Inquisitor
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 9 Aug 2015
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,765

21 Apr 2018, 7:56 am

whatamievendoing wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
whatamievendoing wrote:
I'm not entirely sure I agree with this. A part of me still believes that I'll find someone to call "the love of my life" sooner or later, but my almost complete lack of prior experience admittedly has me more suspicious than hopeful.

What is it that makes you think you'll find the love of your life despite your lack of experience? Have you been rejected much?

Only once, and it was the only time I actually felt anything resembling a crush towards someone to begin with. She even shared the same feelings towards me, but her life situation ultimately forced her to say "no".

In hindsight, I don't blame her. With her parents being so overprotective - she was 17 at the time - and us living on opposite ends of the planet, a romantic relationship would've been bound to fail. At the same time, though, that experience ignited that small spark of hope within me, if that makes sense.

Well most of this probably doesn't apply to you then. It's more the case if you've tried a lot and been rejected almost every time and are still 'forever alone'. Even so your rejection wasn't based on disinterest to start with.



nick007
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 May 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 27,703
Location: was Louisiana but now Vermont in capitalistic military dictatorship called USA

21 Apr 2018, 11:10 am

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
I'd imagine someone who has unwittingly been in a dating drought for a longer period of time than all their previous relationships combined may have similar mental processes if they're constantly rejected whenever they try to date.
That's been my experince. I was with my 1st girlfriend for 6 months. We were friends 1st & then got back together alittle bit after we broke up so maybe I should say for about a year. I was single for about 8 years after that before I got my 2nd girlfriend. I had tried alot to find someone in that time with no luck except maybe bad


_________________
"I don't have an anger problem, I have an idiot problem!"
~King Of The Hill


"Hear all, trust nothing"
~Ferengi Rule Of Acquisition #190
https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Ru ... cquisition


Sweetleaf
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Jan 2011
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 34,949
Location: Somewhere in Colorado

21 Apr 2018, 11:56 am

Sabreclaw wrote:
yellowtamarin wrote:
All of what you say sounds pretty spot-on.

What you have that others in your situation may not, though, is awareness of this fact. You can see that it is your interpretation of external factors that has impacted your beliefs about yourself. And that they are simply your beliefs and they may not be accurate. And that changing your beliefs might be to your benefit.

My view is this is a step closer to being able to do something about that. Unfortunately I don't have the wisdom to know how to best go about the next step, but the next step is to believe you are capable of having a relationship despite not having a reason to. I know that probably sounds really stupid, but plenty of implausible or seemingly impossible things do occur in life. Things can happen even when nobody expects them to happen, or sees evidence that they should happen. So just because you see no reason why you could have a relationship, doesn't mean you are right in your belief that you can't.

So you may as well believe that you can! Simple, no? Haha. Obviously it's not that simple when trying to put belief-changing into practice, but the concept really is that simple, IMO.

(You might not have proof that you can get a relationship, but you also don't have proof that you can't. Just one relationship is all it would take to shatter your belief. Surely you wouldn't hold on to your belief so strongly that if a relationship was presented to you, you would deny its existence?)


We can't just make ourselves believe in something the evidence is overwhelmingly against. As OP said, the issue isn't currently being single, the issue is being universally unattractive. We can't ever get relationships, flings, sex, or anything. We're completely locked out from that part of life.


I just don't buy anyone is born with a 'forever alone' stamp on their head and never even had a chance to begin with at all. If you are universally unattractive what have you done to change that?

Some people need to learn what self full-filling prophecy is. Because I figure a lot of 'forever aloners' are likely more stuck in self fullfilling prophecies than actually have no chance whatsoever regardless of what improvements they might make to them-self.

Dwelling on not having sex or a relationship and beating yourself up over rejections is not 'putting effort' into getting a relationship. Sure if someone spends all their time and energy dwelling on it it will feel like that is where all their effort is going...but maybe they aren't showering, maybe they aren't bothering to change into clean clothes when going out, maybe they're acting bitter. Basically neglecting other parts of their life and then not comprehending that, that might be a large part of their failure.


_________________
We won't go back.


Spiderpig
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 14 Apr 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 7,893

21 Apr 2018, 3:09 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:
I just don't buy anyone is born with a 'forever alone' stamp on their head


We might as well have one. People can tell we’re foreveralones and guess what they do? They leave us alone. Well, that’s the best-case scenario; the alternative is to bully us.


_________________
The red lake has been forgotten. A dust devil stuns you long enough to shroud forever those last shards of wisdom. The breeze rocking this forlorn wasteland whispers in your ears, “Não resta mais que uma sombra”.


hurtloam
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Mar 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,747
Location: Eyjafjallajökull

21 Apr 2018, 3:22 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:
Sabreclaw wrote:
yellowtamarin wrote:
All of what you say sounds pretty spot-on.

What you have that others in your situation may not, though, is awareness of this fact. You can see that it is your interpretation of external factors that has impacted your beliefs about yourself. And that they are simply your beliefs and they may not be accurate. And that changing your beliefs might be to your benefit.

My view is this is a step closer to being able to do something about that. Unfortunately I don't have the wisdom to know how to best go about the next step, but the next step is to believe you are capable of having a relationship despite not having a reason to. I know that probably sounds really stupid, but plenty of implausible or seemingly impossible things do occur in life. Things can happen even when nobody expects them to happen, or sees evidence that they should happen. So just because you see no reason why you could have a relationship, doesn't mean you are right in your belief that you can't.

So you may as well believe that you can! Simple, no? Haha. Obviously it's not that simple when trying to put belief-changing into practice, but the concept really is that simple, IMO.

(You might not have proof that you can get a relationship, but you also don't have proof that you can't. Just one relationship is all it would take to shatter your belief. Surely you wouldn't hold on to your belief so strongly that if a relationship was presented to you, you would deny its existence?)


We can't just make ourselves believe in something the evidence is overwhelmingly against. As OP said, the issue isn't currently being single, the issue is being universally unattractive. We can't ever get relationships, flings, sex, or anything. We're completely locked out from that part of life.


I just don't buy anyone is born with a 'forever alone' stamp on their head and never even had a chance to begin with at all. If you are universally unattractive what have you done to change that?

Some people need to learn what self full-filling prophecy is. Because I figure a lot of 'forever aloners' are likely more stuck in self fullfilling prophecies than actually have no chance whatsoever regardless of what improvements they might make to them-self.

Dwelling on not having sex or a relationship and beating yourself up over rejections is not 'putting effort' into getting a relationship. Sure if someone spends all their time and energy dwelling on it it will feel like that is where all their effort is going...but maybe they aren't showering, maybe they aren't bothering to change into clean clothes when going out, maybe they're acting bitter. Basically neglecting other parts of their life and then not comprehending that, that might be a large part of their failure.


Normally I see you as the voice of reason here, but I have to disagree. I know forever alone in real life and I really don't think they can or will find anyone. They've been alone for the 15 -20 years I've known them. Some people are just too odd.

You can't understand because you got lucky and met someone compatible.



The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 42
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,097
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

21 Apr 2018, 4:21 pm

Am I the only one who's currently in relationship yet totally understands what is like to be forever alone?



The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 42
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,097
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

21 Apr 2018, 4:24 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:
Sabreclaw wrote:
yellowtamarin wrote:
All of what you say sounds pretty spot-on.

What you have that others in your situation may not, though, is awareness of this fact. You can see that it is your interpretation of external factors that has impacted your beliefs about yourself. And that they are simply your beliefs and they may not be accurate. And that changing your beliefs might be to your benefit.

My view is this is a step closer to being able to do something about that. Unfortunately I don't have the wisdom to know how to best go about the next step, but the next step is to believe you are capable of having a relationship despite not having a reason to. I know that probably sounds really stupid, but plenty of implausible or seemingly impossible things do occur in life. Things can happen even when nobody expects them to happen, or sees evidence that they should happen. So just because you see no reason why you could have a relationship, doesn't mean you are right in your belief that you can't.

So you may as well believe that you can! Simple, no? Haha. Obviously it's not that simple when trying to put belief-changing into practice, but the concept really is that simple, IMO.

(You might not have proof that you can get a relationship, but you also don't have proof that you can't. Just one relationship is all it would take to shatter your belief. Surely you wouldn't hold on to your belief so strongly that if a relationship was presented to you, you would deny its existence?)


We can't just make ourselves believe in something the evidence is overwhelmingly against. As OP said, the issue isn't currently being single, the issue is being universally unattractive. We can't ever get relationships, flings, sex, or anything. We're completely locked out from that part of life.



Dwelling on not having sex or a relationship and beating yourself up over rejections is not 'putting effort' into getting a relationship. Sure if someone spends all their time and energy dwelling on it it will feel like that is where all their effort is going...but maybe they aren't showering, maybe they aren't bothering to change into clean clothes when going out, maybe they're acting bitter. Basically neglecting other parts of their life and then not comprehending that, that might be a large part of their failure.


That's a typical "They must be doing something wrong" thinking; It's often not the case, some people are really universally unattractive no matter what they do.
Also, the people in their lives don't ever know about their dwellings because they do it on forums anonymously.

You're exactly like the people who can't and will never understand the OP is talking about.



The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 42
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,097
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

21 Apr 2018, 4:30 pm

hurtloam wrote:

Normally I see you as the voice of reason here.



Really???! ! :| :| Sweetleaf??



FunkyPunky
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

Joined: 14 Aug 2017
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 349

21 Apr 2018, 5:12 pm

It doesn't help that the media apparently thinks women are chomping at the bit to find guys like us. Sheldon Cooper, BBC's Sherlock, and RDJ's Sherlock make women think aspies are all introverted super geniuses with charmingly funny quirks, tragic backstories, and smoldering eyes. But then they meet one, and it turns out they're actually a giant nerd who plays video games too much, can't hold a conversation, and doesn't know a baseball from a football. They regret agreeing to this date five minutes in, never talk to the aspie again, have a new boyfriend by the end of the week, and the aspie wonders why the tv box lied to him again.



XFilesGeek
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Jul 2010
Age: 41
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 6,031
Location: The Oort Cloud

21 Apr 2018, 5:14 pm

Some people do end up alone.

It's a fact of life. This world was meant for NTs, not us.

And, yes Boo, I do consider you a voice of reason.


_________________
"If we fail to anticipate the unforeseen or expect the unexpected in a universe of infinite possibilities, we may find ourselves at the mercy of anyone or anything that cannot be programmed, categorized or easily referenced."

-XFG (no longer a moderator)


XFilesGeek
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Jul 2010
Age: 41
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 6,031
Location: The Oort Cloud

21 Apr 2018, 5:16 pm

FunkyPunky wrote:
It doesn't help that the media apparently thinks women are chomping at the bit to find guys like us. Sheldon Cooper, BBC's Sherlock, and RDJ's Sherlock make women think aspies are all introverted super geniuses with charmingly funny quirks, tragic backstories, and smoldering eyes. But then they meet one, and it turns out they're actually a giant nerd who plays video games too much, can't hold a conversation, and doesn't know a baseball from a football. They regret agreeing to this date five minutes in, never talk to the aspie again, have a new boyfriend by the end of the week, and the aspie wonders why the tv box lied to him again.


The "Aspies Are Geniuses" stereotype ticks me off....


_________________
"If we fail to anticipate the unforeseen or expect the unexpected in a universe of infinite possibilities, we may find ourselves at the mercy of anyone or anything that cannot be programmed, categorized or easily referenced."

-XFG (no longer a moderator)


FunkyPunky
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

Joined: 14 Aug 2017
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 349

21 Apr 2018, 5:43 pm

XFilesGeek wrote:
FunkyPunky wrote:
It doesn't help that the media apparently thinks women are chomping at the bit to find guys like us. Sheldon Cooper, BBC's Sherlock, and RDJ's Sherlock make women think aspies are all introverted super geniuses with charmingly funny quirks, tragic backstories, and smoldering eyes. But then they meet one, and it turns out they're actually a giant nerd who plays video games too much, can't hold a conversation, and doesn't know a baseball from a football. They regret agreeing to this date five minutes in, never talk to the aspie again, have a new boyfriend by the end of the week, and the aspie wonders why the tv box lied to him again.


The "Aspies Are Geniuses" stereotype ticks me off....


I mean, I *am* a genius, so clearly my insupposable sagacity has frightened away all of the pulchritudinous muliebrous from my immediate vicinity. ;)



yellowtamarin
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Sep 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,763
Location: Australia

21 Apr 2018, 6:12 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Am I the only one who's currently in relationship yet totally understands what is like to be forever alone?

How can you understand? You've never been forever alone. Because you're life is still going and you did find someone. Therefore if you did have the belief that you would be forever alone, it was shattered. (At least I presume you don't still hold the belief. If you do that's a different issue.)

Just as nobody posting here is forever alone (yet). They can only feel or believe that they will be. And just like you were, they might be wrong.

I personally have never met anyone who I was convinced could never find anybody.



Sabreclaw
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Dec 2015
Age: 29
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,971

21 Apr 2018, 9:16 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
Sabreclaw wrote:
yellowtamarin wrote:
All of what you say sounds pretty spot-on.

What you have that others in your situation may not, though, is awareness of this fact. You can see that it is your interpretation of external factors that has impacted your beliefs about yourself. And that they are simply your beliefs and they may not be accurate. And that changing your beliefs might be to your benefit.

My view is this is a step closer to being able to do something about that. Unfortunately I don't have the wisdom to know how to best go about the next step, but the next step is to believe you are capable of having a relationship despite not having a reason to. I know that probably sounds really stupid, but plenty of implausible or seemingly impossible things do occur in life. Things can happen even when nobody expects them to happen, or sees evidence that they should happen. So just because you see no reason why you could have a relationship, doesn't mean you are right in your belief that you can't.

So you may as well believe that you can! Simple, no? Haha. Obviously it's not that simple when trying to put belief-changing into practice, but the concept really is that simple, IMO.

(You might not have proof that you can get a relationship, but you also don't have proof that you can't. Just one relationship is all it would take to shatter your belief. Surely you wouldn't hold on to your belief so strongly that if a relationship was presented to you, you would deny its existence?)


We can't just make ourselves believe in something the evidence is overwhelmingly against. As OP said, the issue isn't currently being single, the issue is being universally unattractive. We can't ever get relationships, flings, sex, or anything. We're completely locked out from that part of life.



Dwelling on not having sex or a relationship and beating yourself up over rejections is not 'putting effort' into getting a relationship. Sure if someone spends all their time and energy dwelling on it it will feel like that is where all their effort is going...but maybe they aren't showering, maybe they aren't bothering to change into clean clothes when going out, maybe they're acting bitter. Basically neglecting other parts of their life and then not comprehending that, that might be a large part of their failure.


That's a typical "They must be doing something wrong" thinking; It's often not the case, some people are really universally unattractive no matter what they do.
Also, the people in their lives don't ever know about their dwellings because they do it on forums anonymously.

You're exactly like the people who can't and will never understand the OP is talking about.


Exactly what I've come to expect from people on WrongPlanet; making totally unfounded assumptions about lonely people IRL. What kind of a moron do you people take me for? You think I spend my time at work or social events telling everyone how lonely I am, being angry in general, and never showering? Lol, of course I don't do that.

WrongPlanet is my venting board. This might shock you, but I'm not actually perfect like Sweetleaf and I have to find some way to release my pent up emotions. This place seems fitting for that.



The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 42
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,097
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

22 Apr 2018, 1:38 am

yellowtamarin wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Am I the only one who's currently in relationship yet totally understands what is like to be forever alone?

How can you understand? You've never been forever alone. Because you're life is still going and you did find someone. Therefore if you did have the belief that you would be forever alone, it was shattered. (At least I presume you don't still hold the belief. If you do that's a different issue.)

Just as nobody posting here is forever alone (yet). They can only feel or believe that they will be. And just like you were, they might be wrong.

I personally have never met anyone who I was convinced could never find anybody.



No, unlike you, i totally understand the forever alone - because I remained chronically single till 30 .... so I know very well. And if I lose this relationship I may remain single for another decade as well (against my will) since I know I am not that universally attractive.

It’s not like you people who always got boyfriends since they were teens- big difference.

Btw I wanna announce a personal opinion, ok? don’t be offended... in my opinion, you and Sweetleaf are the voice....well, at least to me, illogical. Your posts really stress my brain.