Its just so frustrating

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Here is the thing: if someone is stupid, they are not stupid in the absolute sense of the word, they still have some level of intelligence, its just not too high. But if someone is undatable (as people seem to assume I am) then its undatable in absolute sense of the word. So a stupid person is still a human, because he has everything that makes a human (including "some" intellect) but an undatable person isn't fully a human, since there is one important aspect of human behavior that just doesn't apply to him.

Let me ask you a pointed question. If you actually mean it when you said you have more respect towards me than to someone stupid who has a girlfriend, why is it you think he deserves a girlfriend and I don't? You can tell me all day long that having a girlfriend isn't so important. Well, apparently it is: if having a girlfriend was something really basic and simple, you wouldn't be questioning my qualifications to have one. So the very fact that you (and a lot of other people) assume I shouldn't have a girlfriend, thats the exact reason I am talking about my social status to begin with.

And, as far as emotional aspect goes, I have never seen straight guys having the type of emotional conversation I described girls having -- and if they did have one, it would be creepy. Same goes for hugs and lots of other (non-sexual) affectionate things. So thats why I need a girl in order to connect with her emotionally this way. Simply talking to a guy doesn't provide emotional validation for me in the way that talking to a gir would, it just doesn't.

There was a girl I met on a dating site who asked me if I am capable of love because Sheldon wasn't. Apparently she didn't understand that Big Bang Theory is a big joke and took it like a medical manual or something.

Then there was another girl who tried to be close to me but I didn't reciprocate because I was obsessing about other girls; when she backed off it got my attention so I tried to get her to like me again, but she told me she wants to be with artist rather than scientist because she wants to feel loved. Well she knows that scientists can love: the math professors are married. So what she REALLY meant to say was ASPIES don't love, and she used the word "scientist" as a polite way of saying "aspie".

Then also people at the institute in India thought I was antisocial. Now, I weren't interested in dating them (I only date White girls) but I wanted to make friends, and they thought I didn't want friends, yet I knew for a fact I did.

Also there are all those people that use the phrase "you can't love unless you love yourself first" which makes zero sense to me: from my perspective, if I don't love myself it only means I would appreciate EVEN MORE when a woman saves me from my misery. But in any case, they are telling me I don't love when I do.

Also there was a girl in church to whom I mentioned one of my ex-s, and she was like "wait a second, you had a girlfriend?" I then asked her why was she surprised, and she said she didn't know I could love someone that way.



I *know* sex is pleasurable. In fact, the only thing that kept me from having sex with my girlfriends was my religion. What I am trying to say, though, is sex isn't the number 1 thing in life. But apparently for other guys it is. I mean, why does the professed love of nice guy gets invalidated? Partly because of the possibility that he only does it for sex. THATS what I mean by "going for all those lengths just to get sex". There are PLENTY of things that are pleasurable. Eating peantut butter sandwich is pleasurable. But you won't be lying that you love someone, and going through all those lengths to keep up the pretence, JUST to get a peanut butter sandwich. Yet the guys do that for sex. And the more lengths they go for JUST for sex, the more my genuine desire for relationship gets invalidated, so thats the connection pretty much. And yes, some guys do want both sex and the relationship, but those aren't the ones that gave me the bad name. The ones that gave me the bad name are the ones that are ONLY after sex, so thats the ones I am talking about. And if they are ONLY after sex and don't even care about emotional aspects of a relationship, then yes their life must be quite happy.

I'm definitely not assuming you shouldn't have a girlfriend. I'm just saying that in my eyes, having a girlfriend is not a status symbol, as what each one of us values is different.

Why is that creepy? I very frequently have open and emotionally difficult talks with my close male friends, as we support eachother, and give advice and feedback in a non judgemental way. Having close male friendships is very very healthy in my view. And a woman will never be able to give the same support, as she is not a man, and cannot relate to many of the difficulties you face as a man. The same way male friends cannot give you the physical affection that women can give you.

And I'll repeat myself again, most women do not want a boyfriend who acts like a woman, she wants a boyfriend who acts like a man. She will grow tired, and possibly resent you if you need too much emotional validation from her.

If you seek to understand women, dating and gender dynamics better, the best advice I could ever give you would be to read The Rational Male by rollo tomassi.

Have you heard a term "social proof"? So obviously some people do see it as a status.



You are probably talking about an "exchange of information" about emotional issue. But I am talking about something a lot more than just an exchange of information. I am talking about when the actual voice of a woman is calming, and just her very presence is some sort of an emotional refuge. Thats the sort of thing you wouldn't get from a guy -- unless that guy is trying to hit on you and then its creepy.



Physical affection (I am talking about hugs rather than sex, so yes I want some of it) and emotional support should go hand in hand, and thats why both should be coming from a woman. If you use a woman "just" for the physical aspect and you use a guy for the emotional aspect then, indeed, you do treat a woman as a meat so to speak -- and thats precisely what I am "not" guilty of since I look towards women for emotional things first and foremost.



Funny you said you don't care about status, yet this whole "acting like a man" business is all about status. I mean, love is about being tender and affectionate, and what is so tender about being a macho man?! Although I don't understand why women are attracted to men on the first place: if I was a woman I would be a lesbian. Thats probably why I want to be "like" a woman and "with" a woman at the same time in order to satisfy my emotional needs.

I was watching this nature program last night on PBS, it was about the region of eastern Africa. One of the animals they talked about on the program was a bird; the male spent his time building a nest, then working to draw the female's attention. When the female bird would come round, he did a dance for her, to show what he offered (to put it very simply).

You talk a lot about what you want in a woman - emotional comfort, status - but what can YOU offer HER?

And I don't mean money. I mean an emotional connection, being interested in her, showing interest in her hobbies, in her life, etc.

I've dated two Aspies in my lifetime - one for a long time now - and I've noticed in both there was a definite problem with social reciprocity. They wanted what they wanted, but had no interest in giving anything back.

When you go out in wrinkled clothes, don't make eye contact, etc., you're effectively showing others that you aren't interested in them. You're like that bird who doesn't do anything, doesn't build a nest, doesn't puff up his feathers, but then he wonders why the females aren't coming round.

We're not birds, but we're still animals, and this mating thing is a social dance. You have to do your part to be successful, otherwise you won't be.

Well, one of my ex-s, over 10 years ago, was sick and I was taking care of her when she was sick. Then, when she was no longer as sick, things started to fall apart. So I guess I have to learn to see ways of helping women in situations other than when they are sick. On the one hand, when they are not sick it is less work so I "should" be able to handle it; but on the other hand it is harder to see what to do so I have to be told what to do and thats the hard part: when I tell a woman "if only you were to tell me I would do that" they respond "you don't have to do it if you don't want to" and I am like "yes I want to, I just want to know what it is" and they aren't buying it.



Here is that "contradiction" question once again that I been wondering about. See how you used the word "interested". And thats what a lot of women tell me: that I am not interested in them. And my question has always been: if I am not interested in them, why would I be obsessing over the fact that I can't have them? Can you help me out in answering this question?



How can I do this part if women don't come up to talk to me on the first place?

When I say "interested" I can only speak for my own personal experiences and the issues that I and my Aspie partners have had. So for example, my current partner is very interested in collecting agates and rock tumbling whereas I really don't care. I have had to listen to him talk about rocks for long periods of time and I have arranged trips for the both of us to attend rock collecting events in other states because even thought I don't care about it, I knew HE would enjoy it. But when it comes to MY interests, because it's not something he's personally interested in (like for example I like going to live theater) he will make no effort in arranging a night out for the both of us, and even if I arrange it, and offer to buy the tickets, and then ask him to go with me, he will refuse - because it's not one of his interests.

You had mentioned that you wanted women to just tell you what to do, and their response was that you didn't have to do it if you did not want to. This is a harder one to answer because I know logically the reason why you would say that, and that if you don't know something in the first place how would you know how to fix it. And it's difficult to express this from an NT to an Aspie.

The best way I know how to express this, and stay with me here, is to say that, there are certain facial expressions that are almost universal, no matter where I am in the world, no matter what language the other person speaks, that even if the other person has not said a word, when I see that expression on their face I immediately have a pretty good idea of what that person is thinking, and I can respond back by simply using an appropriate expression by using my face or my hands or both.

With both my Aspie partners, that doesn't seem to work, and for an NT, it's disorienting. I am putting out an expression or a gesture that just about anyone would recognize, yet I'm getting nothing back. So if I didn't know that this person is an Aspie, I would take that lack of response as a social rejection.

So when the Aspie partner doesn't do things for the NT partner like a typical NT partner would, that does make the NT wonder why their partner doesn't love them and isn't responding back the way that she expects he would. And speaking as an NT with an Aspie partner, even though I know why he does the things he does, and acts the way he acts, it's still difficult sometimes, because it's like we speak two different languages.

I hope this helps a bit, it's hard to put this into words. It's like trying to explain to someone how do you make a facial expression of disgust or contempt. Because it's not something that I have to consciously think about, it just comes natural.

There are social dimensions here you are not detecting and that is why things seem the way they do to you and you are coming to false conclusions.

First, value yourself enough that the thought that others see you as sub human does not enter your mind.

Second, if the woman who ran the bible study is married, she would likely refrain from asking you your relationship status because if she asked, it could be misconstrued as an indecent proposition. Additionally your relationship status might just not be a concern of yours. A man's relationship status usually isn't on the mind of a married woman or single women who aren't looking.

Third, the woman who recommended a boyfriend for the other woman was probably recommending someone who she knew was looking and she was more acquainted with than you. I would not recommend a man I didn't know well to a woman and I would not recommend a man if I didn't know whether or not he was looking.

Fourth, I understand what you are saying about demonstrating you are datable, however if you had brought your former girlfriend to bible study and then stopped bringing her, people would probably be more likely to assume she just decided to stop coming, rather than you two broke up. In other words, they wouldn't know that you were in the market for a girlfriend just because she stopped showing up. You would have to communicate to them that you were looking for a partner.

Fifth, even though you were available to obtain a girlfriend in the past that did not fix the problem that you think having a girlfriend would fix. If you feel invalidated and subhuman when you are not in a relationship, that is something to work through with a counselor.

The closest thing in my behavior that I can think of is that I was pressuring the girls I was dating to go to college and, when this didn't work, I was trying to get them to study by themselves. They were telling me that education wasn't something they were interested in and that I presumably didn't respect various things they "were" interested in by suggesting they were wasting their life unless they go to college. But that is not exactly the same as imposing my interests on them. In one case I tried to get a girl to go to college and major in history (even though my own preferred major is physics and math, in her specific case I know that history was the only thing she would possibly agree to study). In the other case I did in fact try to get the girl to study math but, once again, it wouldn't have anything to do with my interest since whatever math she would be studying would be elementary in comparison to anything I might be doing. I was basically trying to make myself feel better about dating those girls (since I link status to education) as well as trying to "save" them from the supposed regret they would have once they see the light (and this part has nothing to do with whether or not I am actually dating them: in fact I tried to persuade one of my mom's male friends to go back and finish his math ph.d. -- and, surprisingly for my mom, he actually contacted his former thesis advisor to do just that; but then he died in a car accident). I was also trying to persuade the girls I was dating to start keeping Jewish law (I am Messianic so I both believe in Jesus and keep Jewish law) but that wasn't nearly as important as trying to get them to get education -- although they wouldn't agree because I "sounded" pushy even though I didn't mean to.

But like I said, the above can hardly be described as getting them to join my obsessions. Something that "would" be described in those terms would be when I am talking to the girls about myself, asking them why I am ostracized, why my ex-s did what they did, and so forth. And that part I admit I have to work on. Because you see, the more I talk about this to potential girlfriends, the more I stay single and the more I want to talk about it. So its a feedback loop that needs to be broken.

Be it as it may, I don't try to force girls to do what I do when it comes to hobbies. On the contrary, I want the girls to enrich my life by introducing me to things that they are doing. For example, one of the girls that I dated taught me how to play a video game where you sing a song and the judges give you feedback, I found it fun. She also took me to the movies on the regular basis and she took me to a few day trip to a lake, then she took me to North Carolina, and she also took me to Canada for casino. Even though none of those things I am doing by myself, I totally enjoyed it. In fact, the only reason I didn't like that relationship is that she didn't do that enough, so when we were just sitting at home I felt "trapped". Possibly the reason for that is that I gave up some of the things I was doing: for example, one of my own hobbies is to explore town and try different restaurants. I never took her there since I assumed she wouldn't want it. But the day before I left to India to do a postdoc, I took her to one of the restaurants I liked going to as single, and she totally enjoyed it, and then I regretted the fact that I weren't taking her there throughout relationship; I mean if I were to take her there, then I wouldn't feel trapped, she would feel I contributed something to the relationship, and it would have been win/win, but it didn't even occur to me. And similarly I should have also been taking her to Bible study which I didn't do either.

However, when it comes to her friends, there was miscommunication. She took me to only a few fun things with her friends. From what she told me later, its because during her birthday I made a comment that I felt so special that I was the only one invited to her birthday. But you see, on my end of a line, yes I feel special when I am the only one invited but AT THE SAME TIME I also want to socialize with her friends. Both feelings can be true at the same time. So she probably misinterpretted what I said because of a stereotype that people with Asperger PRESUMABLY wouldn't wnat it. Well I would. Like I said, I feel trapped. So in fact one of the things I want out of a relationship is for a girl to introduce me to her friends so that I can feel normal for once.

Well at least that particular girl didn't refuse to date me over that. But there was another girl who decided not to date me the moment I told her about Asperger because she assumed it meant I wanted to just sit at home and not hang out with her friends. And I found that assumption quite frustrating because she just assumed the exact opposite to what I actually want!



I mean, I do have a concept of facial expressions and so forth. Maybe the problem is that there are other things that get in the way.

When it comes to others reading my own facial expression, what gets in a way is that my smile/frown reflects my overall mood as opposed to something directed at a given person. If I remember something funny, I would smile, and the other person won't know what I am smiling about since I haven't even mentioned it to them. On the other hand, if I am upset about something, I would frown, the person would think I am angry at them, but actually I might be upset about something totally different. Like for example, one of my ex-s broke up with me over the fact that I was "pouting" while talking to her on the phone, but actually I was upset about the way I was bullied at the trip I just came back from. I guess what might be closer to actually being angry at the person in front of me is when I wait for them to initiate the conversation with me, and they wouldn't, so I get more and more frustrated and my face looks angrier and angrier. They think that if I look angry it means I want to be left alone, but actually its the opposite: I want them to talk to me, and "if only" they were to talk, my anger would immediately go away.

On the other hand, when it comes to me reading other people's facial expressions, sometimes I just want to be safe rather than sorry. For example, three years ago there was a girl in my math class who was sitting not exactly next to me but a sit away from me and kept looking at me without saying anything. Also, a couple of months ago, some new girl came to Bible study who also kept looking at me without saying anything. The girl in the math class was looking at me each class throughout the entire semester, the girl at the Bible study were looking at me for half an hour and then she gave up. I mean, if I take situations like that, I might "guess" they are interested, but why would they not say anything even after all that length? I didn't feel comfortable saying anything either, so I was just looking back at them, and then looking away, and then looking back agian, which made the whole situation quite awkward.

But then again, in most cases girls don't look at me, in fact they would make sure to avoid my glance, which is where I got a clue that most girls don't like me, and which is why I wasn't prepared on how to handle the situation when they did.

Okay yeah... but my point was not facial expressions, the point was that there is an internal language that almost every NT have that Aspies tend to not have and have to learn, and it makes communication very difficult. I should have been more specific. I have this trouble too with my AS partner, he takes things very literally, and I communicate by using a lot of colloquialisms and slang. The translation always gets lost and it's frustrating for both parties.

I don't really know what else to say. Just be interested in getting to know others as human beings. Invite them along to things you enjoy. Try to learn about others. People are generally good if you make an effort and try to meet them halfway.

It just feels that way when they avoid looking me in the eye, cross the street when I walk, don't say hi to me, pretend not to hear me when I ask for directions, and so forth.

Also I am not the only person who feels this way: I have read other people on this and other message boards feeling same way.



Why would it? I mean, when people who didn't see each other for many years reunite, they would want to know about big things in each other's lives, and marital status would be one of them. As a matter of fact, if she is married herself, it would make it LESS likely that she is making a proposition and MORE likely that she just wants to know updates on my life.

However, speaking of "indecent proposition", she made a comment how God must have wanted me to run into her since I ended up in this city and came to the church she is at; she also asked me where exactly did I live back in Michigan and when I answered she said that she was living only few buildings away from me and was excited about it. Now, do you think THAT was indecept proposition? I mean, I didn't think of it this way because they are adventist so they wouldn't do those things. But since you are the one who brought it up in the context of asking me about my marital status, don't you think saying that "God wanted me to run into her" is a lot closer to that?



So why would I completely not care about relationship status, despite being 38 and all that? Wouldn't that mean there is something wrong with me?



But wouldn't his relationship status be important in terms of caring about where he is in life as a person? I mean, if she were to ask me about my job situation, that doesn't mean she wants me to hire her, that just means she cares about me. Wouldn't the same thing apply to the relationships?

Or are you saying that women assume that only their fellow women care about their own relationship status and men don't? And thats why they don't care about man's status since man, presumably, doesn't care himself? If so, that would be yet another example of men that are idiots making things hard for me.



I actually don't know who recommended them to each other. But how do you know it was a woman? Obviously that "person" is also the one who recommended that girl for a man, so it goes both ways. Or are you saying women are more likely to do this sort of thing?



Whether or not she knows me well, thats an interesting question. On the one hand, she doesn't know me well, because back in Michigan we didn't spend any one on one time, I just was coming to Bible studies and she was just one of the other 20 or so students that came. On the other hand, she acts like she knows me well because it was such a long time ago and then suddenly we ran into each other again by accident. But then again she doesn't spend that much time with me, she just was telling all her friends how excited she was to run into me.



And how would you know if someone is looking? Do they announce it or something? And, if so, isn't it a double standard that I am told its not polite to talk about myself yet others apparently do?



I was dating her for two years, and after that I left to India for 5 years. So if I were brinigng her those two years on a regular basis, then I was gone to India, and then seven years later (seven because I came to another state not here when I came back) I no longer bring that girl, then it would look quite likely that she broke up with me between then and now.



It wouldn't have fixed the problem but it would have been a first step. In particular, if I have a girlfriend, I would have enough confidence to make friends without feeling inferior that they have a girlfriend and I don't. And once I make those friends, I improve my social status even further through them.



I am in counseling, but its not helping.

If its not facial expression, what is it?

Also, you DID say facial expression in the following quote (see bold):

The point is related to this part of your previous post:

"...it is harder to see what to do so I have to be told what to do and thats the hard part."

I remember that context. It doesn't change the question that I was asking though.

The question is: do I end up not knowing what people want because I misread their facial expression, or because I misread something else? First you said facial expression (see the bolded parts of your quote) but then when I simply repeated what you said you corrected me and said no its something else. So which is it?

A good number of people here likely have difficulty making eye contact.

Depending on what area you are in, people may or may not greet or respond to complete strangers on the street or stop to give directions. Where I used to live, most people would greet those they encountered in passing whether or not they knew each other, and stop to give directions.

Where I am now, people do not stop to greet strangers on the street for two reasons.

1. There are too many people walking around.
2. There are a lot of crazy people and people who will see it as a way to scam or victimize you in some way so people are hesitant to make eye contact with or communicate with those on the street.

Number 2 is also the reason most people here are wary to stop and give directions. I just gave directions the other day but I did so with some hesitation. A few months back, a woman had petitioned a girl next to me by saying "Excuse me..." the girl ignored her and the woman became irrate and said "Hey, I'm talking to you, can't you hear what I'm saying" the girl reluctantly responded, pretended she didn't hear the first time, and apologized. The woman then proceeded to ask for directions and the girl said she didn't know.

Then I asked the woman where she was trying to get to. She told me and I started giving her directions and pointed in the direction she needed to go. At that point, the woman flipped out, thought I was trying to attack her, and hurled a few insults at me...apparently she was schizophrenic.

A few months later, a man motioned my sister over to his car to ask for directions. When she got there he had his penis out and was masturbating.

So you can't blame people in some areas, particularly some urban areas, for being a little wary of strangers. If they don't even know you it's typically nothing personal.



Oh I'm sure they do. Even some people here feel that way when they feel like their posts don't get enough attention. Some people even perceive that there are "popular WPers" and are upset that they aren't one of them. But if you have a low opinion of yourself to begin with, it's easy to take things personally and thinks others also have a low opinion of you. It's an insecurity.

Personally the thought of some WP in crowd would not have entered my mind if I had not come across posts by those mentioning their perception of one and don't know who they perceive constitutes it. It's just not something I think about. Nor do I perceive being a "threas killer" bad, as some here seem to do. I am perfectly happy just sharing my thoughts on matters and interacting and people can take it or leave it.



Because that kind of question is usually the type of question people ask the sex of their preference when they want to know if the other person is available for dating, and to be honest, really isn't the most typical everyday socialization question. I think your focus on it stems from your negative feelings about yourself. I almost never ask acquaintance s their relationship status. If they have something to say about it they usually bring it up themselves.

For example...

Me: Hi Joe, how have you been?
Joe: Oh fine. I got married over the summer!

or

Me: Hi Joe, what's new?
Joe: Oh, not much. My girlfriend and I saw Black Panther last weekened. It was pretty good.



No, because it is a platonic subject that is often brought up in conversation and has nothing to do with determining if you might be available for a relationship.



It was a voice to text typo I didn't catch. It should have been, "your relationship status might just not be a concern of hers".

But concerning the question as to whether or not I think there is something wrong with you, no more than I think there is something wrong with a fiction writer who thinks centripetal force is an outward force rather than an inward force. The person spent most of their life writing and has little experience with mathematics and physics and is making the best conclusions they can based on their intuition for the subject, which they have not had the chance to cultivate.

You have a PhD in math and a PhD in physics. That doesn't leave much time for studying socialization and practicing it, and just like most people are not mathematical geniuses and need to really sit down and formally study and work at the subject, many people on the spectrum, perhaps you included, need to take a more formal, analytic approach to studying socislization to become proficient in it.



Well most people don't ask "Do you have a job?" They ask "What do you do?" Asking "What do you do" is not used as a precursor to taking someone's job, while asking someone's relationship status is often a precursor to asking them out...but there are exceptions of course. Sometimes I ask my sister how one of her long term friends is and if that person is married just because I was relatively close to them when we were kids and I'm curious how their life turned out, but I am not asking them, I am asking my sister.

I would not say "Hi Sarah. Are you married?"



I did not say that, thus I did not say that. But I do think you are putting too much significance on someone not asking your relationship status



I thought you were talking about the bible study woman. Were you not?



Yeah I think I would say she doesn't know you well.



People often make it know they are in the market if they want some help from friends or family or coworkers.



I don't know what you are talking about here. Who told you it's not polite to talk about yourself?



I disagree. If all I know is you used to show up with a girlfriend and then I don't see you for 7 years, and then you start showing up without her I really have no idea what happened. Maybe you guys broke up, maybe it was mutual, maybe you dumped her, maybe she dumped you, maybe you are still together and married or dating but she is home with the kids, or studying or working and can't come. Maybe she has converted to a different religion.

Out of all of those options, why do you conclude that others conclude she dumped you?



No getting a girlfriend is not the way to gain a sense of self worth. What that girlfriend would be is a floation device. You feel secure when you are clinging to her but you feel like you are drowning when she is no longer there. Metaphorically speaking, I think you need to learn to float and swim without flotation devices so that you can develop actual selfworth. Not someoneelseworth.
You might look for a therapist who specializes in borderline personality disorder. I am not saying you have that but such a therapist might be more skilled than the average therapist in helping people build a sense of selfworth because people with BPD often lack it, and so they too seek relationships with others to simulate a sense of it, and often feel like they are sub human or wothless when they are not in a relationship.

You're making few mistakes here. Being single has nothing to do with social status, people like Pope or mother Theresa are/were single, yet are perceived as highly valuable, and many social outcasts like murderers have wifes, because social status is mostly connected with how much you give to the society, not with whom you're seeing. I think you're trying to fit too much into NT's "culture" (as you see it from your autistic perspective), because it's all around you, not because you really have this urge, in other words it's intellectual rather than emotional. The girl you mentioned felt that, that's why you were rejected. Let me explain. Let's assume your friends have sent you 10 potential partners really interested in being with you, and you've met them all at the same time. Which one will you choose? Probably the one you like the most. Now imagine the same situation, but girls come at different times. When the first one comes, you will choose her, because you're desperate, but the chances are it's not the one you will like the most. So you either will dump her later when the best one arrives, or you won't be honest with yourself, sticking with the old one you don't really like that much. Your potential girlfriends don't want to end up in neither situation, because there's no guarantee that even among 10/100/1000 girls you've already met in your life there's one the best for you, so seeing someone as a potential partner NOW is not enough to create true relationship. So how do you know which one is the best? You know it when you fall in love with her. And she must feel you love her, discussing your (mostly egoistic) needs will always prove otherwise. So you should ask yourself if you're in love with someone? I mean REALLY in love, so that you can forget about yourself, your social status, want to become a better person for her, really WANT to take care of her? If not, you're simply not ready for relationship yet. And of course, falling in love may not be enough, there's necessary condition, but also sufficient condition, she must fall in love with you also. It all requires hard working on yourself, and a lot of good luck.