This is embarrassing to ask at my age

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Well yeah but I would consider those to be more misleading rather than just terrible.

The terrible photos I'm thinking of are for example the guys who just sit in front of the computer screen, looking sort of at a down angle at the screen, and take a photo with their computer camera. The result is that the face photos are poorly lit, have double or triple chins (from angling their face downwards), and they are not smiling. The end result is a completely unflattering photo that no one would take a second look at because it's terrible. And let's be honest, if you're online, you need to have a good photo because that's the first thing everyone sees. So at least make some effort to have a good one.

We've met at my best friend's wedding.


This is typical NT dating advice. "Putting yourself out there" means casting a wide net, which is good to catch a typical type of person. If you are quirky and weird like me, then perhaps you should look for someone specific. Maybe first try to define the type of person you are looking for and then you will know where to look.

This is the second thread in a short time where I see the OP ask something like this and someone give unnecessarily sarcastic or antagonistic responses, perhaps even hinting that he's somehow treating women like objects.

My question would be... Why?

I couldn't imagine a reality where I allowed myself to be a burden on someone else' life with the way that I am & will most probably remain as single as I've been for the first 35 years of my life.

Why would anyone on the spectrum want to do that to another person? To knowingly be responsible for that?

Blows my mind every single time.

Because loneliness sucks and I have the primeval desire to leave a genetic legacy behind after I'm gone.

I'm a better person within a realtionship. II know I have more than my fair share of faults & disabilities but I think whoever is willing to give me a real chance & actually try to make a relationship work with me, will like me & be a better person with me in their life because of how supportive, loyal, affectionate, caring, & loving I am amongst other things.

I'd never even put up a photo because that leads to selection on physical traits, which is horrible. I don't want a partner that selected me on physical traits, and I certainly am not interested in those that need to show off their appearance to the whole world.

So, no photos => no selection of physical traits.

Besides, this is a major reason why online dating sucks..

You need to understand that people want to be physically attracted to their partners too.

Well, yeah, but women get selected or rejected based on superficial physical traits every day. That's basic biology - selecting a partner who displays traits that indicate youth and fertility. And yes, women do that too. Human beings are a visual bunch.

Besides good looks may get you a date, but if you're a horrible human being they're not likely to stick around, unless you got something else - money and/or status, specifically.

That's why a good photo is important - it gets your foot in the door, so to speak. Then you have to win her (or him) over with whatever you got - intellect, kindness, warmth, etc.

*shrug* I guess if that works for you, it works for you.

I'm almost NEVER lonely. I see friends & family like every day, I have an active sex life, and while they aren't my own kids - I do have plenty of God kids and nephews/niece etc to spoil & help raise, so I'm fulfilled in that department pretty much. I DO really like kids, I just don't think I would ever make the commitment to having one of my own as it isn't conducive to the lifestyle of solo pursuits that I lead. (Neither is a relationship, but then again, I know Wreckers & Kiters that I thought were single that apparently are in LTR's or married, they just F off and do as they please so often that I assumed they must be single lol) I enjoy the freedom of being able to hop in my car and go to the beach, or rip up to Squamish in the Summertime and go kiteboarding, and more long term - to go back to school for the next several years. Can't do that so easily at all if you have a kid especially, and challenging if you're trying to maintain a relationship. (I assume, anyways)

AND they're incredibly expensive (that is if you live in the US). That's the major reason why my partner and I have no children. Financially, makes absolutely no sense at all in a country that has for-profit everything (health care, education), and virtually no social safety nets. It's only the wealthy who can afford to "have it all," and WE're certainly not wealthy, so no kids for us.

Besides, parents always seem to have that sort of dead look in their eyes, and they always seem desperately unhappy to me. Maybe they're just really tired. Either way, no kids for us either. But whatever floats your boat.

I don't think I'd be any different of a person in a relationship, I'd just experience some feelings due to hormones & all that human stuff.

On the macro stuff, I'm a nice guy, very generous, good in bed, blah blah all those things.. but it's the micro stuff, as the devil's in the details. I've never been in a relationship evAr, but the closest I ever came to being in one was dating someone for a couple months a couple years ago. I was very fortunate that one of his brothers is on the spectrum so he had some idea of what I might be like. I was functioning near my lowest point over the last 5 years at that time, too, and I don't think I had any antibiotics at that time.. it was the lowest light Winter of my entire life and I hadn't yet learned just how much a lack of natural light (vitamin D production & especially absorption & utilization requires UV light) and sooo I was a fair bit lower functioning than I am in the Summer, enough for it to be a problem. I was also very fortunate that he was open and honest with his criticisms of me, since I was able to learn a lot about myself, my behaviours and quirks, flaws etc.. enough to know that I cannot burden someone else' life with the unintentional negative effects of ASD that cause embarrassment to the point of not wanting to be seen in public with me. It is what it is, I accept it, and I'm glad to have had the opportunity to learn it from someone so gentle and wonderful about the whole thing. I'm not interested in being an anchor on anyone else' life, it's simply not fair to them to do that to satisfy any desire I might have for a relationship. I couldn't live with myself for doing that to someone else, so, I'll keep to myself & carry on doing as I do. It works for me, I can live with this.

But, you do you - if you're a net positive contributor to someone else' life, then good for you, you've already achieved what I never will.

Last edited by goldfish21 on 02 Jun 2018, 4:18 pm, edited 1 time in total.

That's.. odd. MOST people are initially attracted to someone's appearance, and then things go from there. Quite often no pic = no chat/date etc.

In my world of.. very short term relationships, it's almost ALL about pics.

I'm in the Vancouver, BC, area of Canada.. where EVERYTHING is expensive lol some people pay as much as I earn just for daycare!!

If it is about youth, then they can put their age there. Besides, in online dating, you can pretty much put any picture you want in the profile, even of somebody that is not you.



No, that is all backwards. First priority is their personality, and looks are rather unimportant.

That seems rather unnecessary. Besides, looks change with time, and people get less attractive as they get older. So, do these people need to change to a younger partner as they age? Or is it just hypocrisy?