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NT - Inquiry regarding my ex-boyfriend with Asperger's

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rachelsp
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20 Jun 2018, 12:24 am

rdos wrote:
I think the answer is that many Aspies cannot breakup "just like that", like NTs can. So, in order to protect themselves, they start hating their exes. It's the best way for us to get out of a failed relationship, so you shouldn't take it personally


Your response sounds like the most plausible one to me. Have you gone through something similar before? Are you writing this out of your experience? Thanks a lot!



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20 Jun 2018, 2:42 am

rachelsp wrote:
rdos wrote:
I think the answer is that many Aspies cannot breakup "just like that", like NTs can. So, in order to protect themselves, they start hating their exes. It's the best way for us to get out of a failed relationship, so you shouldn't take it personally


Your response sounds like the most plausible one to me. Have you gone through something similar before? Are you writing this out of your experience? Thanks a lot!


Yes, in various forms. In my 20s, I was unable to move on for almost 10 years after a college romance and lost interest in girls in general. I never hated her. Then I got into my first real relationship, but she had a controlling mother and broke up with me because of her. I decided to hate her for it, and it worked pretty well because I could move on rather quickly. So, yes, I know that hate can kill an infatuation or attachment pretty quickly, and more aspies should use it.



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20 Jun 2018, 3:58 am

rdos wrote:
rachelsp wrote:
rdos wrote:
I think the answer is that many Aspies cannot breakup "just like that", like NTs can. So, in order to protect themselves, they start hating their exes. It's the best way for us to get out of a failed relationship, so you shouldn't take it personally


Your response sounds like the most plausible one to me. Have you gone through something similar before? Are you writing this out of your experience? Thanks a lot!


Yes, in various forms. In my 20s, I was unable to move on for almost 10 years after a college romance and lost interest in girls in general. I never hated her. Then I got into my first real relationship, but she had a controlling mother and broke up with me because of her. I decided to hate her for it, and it worked pretty well because I could move on rather quickly. So, yes, I know that hate can kill an infatuation or attachment pretty quickly, and more aspies should use it.


That nearly happened to me yesterday. When my girlfriend was threatening to dump me I told her I would never date again.


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Peacesells
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20 Jun 2018, 7:06 am

rdos wrote:
If the question is "why can't I be friends with my ex-Aspie-bf?", then the answer is: "Because you broke up with him in a horrible way".

Think of it like this:
* You think his cheating was a horrible thing because it broke the vows you made.
* He likely thinks your sudden break up was just as bad as cheating (IMHO, it is), so he is just as pissed off by this as you were by the cheating.

For many Aspies, a relationship is when you get attached to each others, not when you have an "exclusive talk". The relationship ends when you have failed to make it work, not by some whim or game playing. So, when you have a fight and decide it is over in anger, you have not made your best effort, and so have cheated on your partner. According to the Aspie view.

And because you have cheated, the Aspie doesn't want to be friends with you. I think that is pretty clear.

What a load of bullcrap, this jerk got what he deserved and now he's acting like that because he is a jerk, plain and simple. She shouldn't even have sent that "it's my fault" message because it's totally his fault.
rdos is some kind of poliamory guy so he obviously doesn't understand what you are talking about, OP. Breaking out in anger after you discover your partner cheated on you is normal.



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20 Jun 2018, 9:17 am

Peacesells wrote:
rdos wrote:
If the question is "why can't I be friends with my ex-Aspie-bf?", then the answer is: "Because you broke up with him in a horrible way".

Think of it like this:
* You think his cheating was a horrible thing because it broke the vows you made.
* He likely thinks your sudden break up was just as bad as cheating (IMHO, it is), so he is just as pissed off by this as you were by the cheating.

For many Aspies, a relationship is when you get attached to each others, not when you have an "exclusive talk". The relationship ends when you have failed to make it work, not by some whim or game playing. So, when you have a fight and decide it is over in anger, you have not made your best effort, and so have cheated on your partner. According to the Aspie view.

And because you have cheated, the Aspie doesn't want to be friends with you. I think that is pretty clear.

What a load of bullcrap, this jerk got what he deserved and now he's acting like that because he is a jerk, plain and simple. She shouldn't even have sent that "it's my fault" message because it's totally his fault.
rdos is some kind of poliamory guy so he obviously doesn't understand what you are talking about, OP. Breaking out in anger after you discover your partner cheated on you is normal.


Sure, you are pretty NT in the relationship area, so you don't understand this stuff. I never claimed cheating was ok, only that breaking up without having done your best is just as bad as cheating. For somebody neurodiverse in the relationship area, at least.



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20 Jun 2018, 9:26 am

rdos wrote:
Peacesells wrote:
rdos wrote:
If the question is "why can't I be friends with my ex-Aspie-bf?", then the answer is: "Because you broke up with him in a horrible way".

Think of it like this:
* You think his cheating was a horrible thing because it broke the vows you made.
* He likely thinks your sudden break up was just as bad as cheating (IMHO, it is), so he is just as pissed off by this as you were by the cheating.

For many Aspies, a relationship is when you get attached to each others, not when you have an "exclusive talk". The relationship ends when you have failed to make it work, not by some whim or game playing. So, when you have a fight and decide it is over in anger, you have not made your best effort, and so have cheated on your partner. According to the Aspie view.

And because you have cheated, the Aspie doesn't want to be friends with you. I think that is pretty clear.

What a load of bullcrap, this jerk got what he deserved and now he's acting like that because he is a jerk, plain and simple. She shouldn't even have sent that "it's my fault" message because it's totally his fault.
rdos is some kind of poliamory guy so he obviously doesn't understand what you are talking about, OP. Breaking out in anger after you discover your partner cheated on you is normal.


Sure, you are pretty NT in the relationship area, so you don't understand this stuff. I never claimed cheating was ok, only that breaking up without having done your best is just as bad as cheating. For somebody neurodiverse in the relationship area, at least.

How do you even know that I am pretty NT in that area, you just say that because you think that disagreeing with you=disagreeing with NDs in general. Lmao you're so deluded.
Cheating is a very serious thing that will end most relationship, and when it doesn't it's because one of the two involved is a doormat and allows it or has the patience of a saint and chooses to forgive and give another chance. However the cheating partner is fully in the wrong most of the time and is not entitled to be given another chance. So f**k the entitled jerks who act that way.



Last edited by Peacesells on 20 Jun 2018, 9:26 am, edited 1 time in total.

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20 Jun 2018, 9:26 am

rachelsp wrote:
rdos wrote:
I think the answer is that many Aspies cannot breakup "just like that", like NTs can. So, in order to protect themselves, they start hating their exes. It's the best way for us to get out of a failed relationship, so you shouldn't take it personally
Your response sounds like the most plausible one to me...
Does that mean only that rdos's explanation supports your pre-determined conclusion the best?

"Ooo ... one person agrees with me, so I must be right!"



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20 Jun 2018, 10:07 am

Peacesells wrote:
How do you even know that I am pretty NT in that area, you just say that because you think that disagreeing with you=disagreeing with NDs in general.


By reading what you have claimed previously, which is all about NT preferences. You never produce anything original that might be ND.

Peacesells wrote:
Lmao you're so deluded.


I know. I'm psychotic and deluded. Because everybody that can see or feel things that the majority don't think is real is deluded and psychotic.

Peacesells wrote:
Cheating is a very serious thing that will end most relationship, and when it doesn't it's because one of the two involved is a doormat and allows it or has the patience of a saint and chooses to forgive and give another chance. However the cheating partner is fully in the wrong most of the time and is not entitled to be given another chance. So f**k the entitled jerks who act that way.


For me, cheating is when you fail to do your best in a relationship, and break up because it is easier than trying to get along. I'm sure that for you it is to show interest in somebody else, either emotionally or sexually. I'm also sure that for you a relationship starts with an exclusive talk, while for me there is no start of a relationship. It's a process that evolves.



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20 Jun 2018, 12:07 pm

rdos wrote:
By reading what you have claimed previously, which is all about NT preferences. You never produce anything original that might be ND.

You need to stop behaving like you're the ultimate judge of what is ND and what is not, this attitude is so arrogant. You need to accept that NDs don't all behave in one way and disagreeing with you is not a sign of one being NT. Similarly, one behaviour being more popular among NDs doesn't mean that it is right.
Peacesells wrote:
I know. I'm psychotic and deluded.

We might finally agree on something! :lol:
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Because everybody that can see or feel things that the majority don't think is real is deluded and psychotic.

Oh yeah you must be spesciuhl and can see things we don't! :roll: People who use LSD do that too but they only want to have fun and don't try to preach stuff to others.
Peacesells wrote:
For me, cheating is when you fail to do your best in a relationship, and break up because it is easier than trying to get along. I'm sure that for you it is to show interest in somebody else, either emotionally or sexually. I'm also sure that for you a relationship starts with an exclusive talk, while for me there is no start of a relationship. It's a process that evolves.

If you like to be cucked fine, but stop trying to impose your views of cheating on others. The guy sleeps around and you are shifting the blame on her, so despicable! You're basically telling someone who was cheated on to "try to get along" LMAO! You're even saying that if one dumps a cheater that person is using it as an excuse to start a relationship with someone esle, which is preposterous and gratuitously insulting.
A cheater can be forgiven, but it must happen at the partner's discretion. If he were truly sorry he'd try to show that he is sorry and try to win her over again, instead of hating her for something he is not given but feels entitled to.



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20 Jun 2018, 12:25 pm

Peacesells wrote:
You need to stop behaving like you're the ultimate judge of what is ND and what is not, this attitude is so arrogant.


Just for the sake of discussion, how do you propose that we should classify NT vs ND traits? It is a pretty old discussion and one I've had multiple times before deciding to publish an objective method of classifying them.

The popular variants are:
1. What is in the DSM of ASD (no good for L&D since this is not part of the definition)
2. What some self-proclaimed expert tells us (without any scientific research, of course)
3. According to how some very vocal people diagnosed with ASD are (which is not an answer at all since this is highly variable)

So, I'm not a judge at all. The decision if a trait is ND or NT is determined solely based on if it is positively or negatively correlated to the Aspie Quiz score difference, a score which uses the objective, published method. It's an empirical measure done in a large population of NDs, NTs and mixed people.

Peacesells wrote:
You need to accept that NDs don't all behave in one way and disagreeing with you is not a sign of one being NT. Similarly, one behaviour being more popular among NDs doesn't mean that it is right.


Which is just a plain, stupid argument made either of ignorance (see above), or as a malicious attempt to discredit my research.

Peacesells wrote:
A cheater can be forgiven, but it must happen at the partner's discretion. If he were truly sorry he'd try to show that he is sorry and try to win her over again, instead of hating her for something he is not given but feels entitled to.


If you had bothered with trying to understand the argument you would not have written that rubbish. He is not entitled to anything. He is trying to get over her by hating her.



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20 Jun 2018, 12:47 pm

rdos wrote:
Just for the sake of discussion, how do you propose that we should classify NT vs ND traits? It is a pretty old discussion and one I've had multiple times before deciding to publish an objective method of classifying them.

The popular variants are:
1. What is in the DSM of ASD (no good for L&D since this is not part of the definition)
2. What some self-proclaimed expert tells us (without any scientific research, of course)
3. According to how some very vocal people diagnosed with ASD are (which is not an answer at all since this is highly variable)

So, I'm not a judge at all. The decision if a trait is ND or NT is determined solely based on if it is positively or negatively correlated to the Aspie Quiz score difference, a score which uses the objective, published method. It's an empirical measure done in a large population of NDs, NTs and mixed people.

Then show me an article of a serious scientific and psychological magazine which tells us that being cucks is an aspie trait, mr. perfect and ultimate aspie. :lol:
It is also funny how you often deem a trait to be NT and thus frivolous and superficial.
Quote:
Which is just a plain, stupid argument made either of ignorance (see above), or as a malicious attempt to discredit my research.

Funny because I think you're one of the most assiduous writers of stupid, ignorant and malicious arguments on this site. Your "research" basically consists in you projecting your traits and preferences onto some perfect ND model.
Quote:
If you had bothered with trying to understand the argument you would not have written that rubbish. He is not entitled to anything. He is trying to get over her by hating her.

That is even more childish and stupid. So basically he ruins the relationship and gets over it by hating her, even if it was his fault. So mature of him!



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20 Jun 2018, 12:55 pm

RetroGamer87 wrote:
That nearly happened to me yesterday. When my girlfriend was threatening to dump me I told her I would never date again.

Yes, yesterday you almost stopped dating and having an interest in girls in general for 10 years. Sure... :lol:

Or maybe you just wanted to sound dramatic.



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20 Jun 2018, 2:37 pm

Peacesells wrote:
rdos wrote:
Just for the sake of discussion, how do you propose that we should classify NT vs ND traits? It is a pretty old discussion and one I've had multiple times before deciding to publish an objective method of classifying them.

The popular variants are:
1. What is in the DSM of ASD (no good for L&D since this is not part of the definition)
2. What some self-proclaimed expert tells us (without any scientific research, of course)
3. According to how some very vocal people diagnosed with ASD are (which is not an answer at all since this is highly variable)

So, I'm not a judge at all. The decision if a trait is ND or NT is determined solely based on if it is positively or negatively correlated to the Aspie Quiz score difference, a score which uses the objective, published method. It's an empirical measure done in a large population of NDs, NTs and mixed people.

Then show me an article of a serious scientific and psychological magazine which tells us that being cucks is an aspie trait, mr. perfect and ultimate aspie. :lol:
It is also funny how you often deem a trait to be NT and thus frivolous and superficial.
Quote:
Which is just a plain, stupid argument made either of ignorance (see above), or as a malicious attempt to discredit my research.

Funny because I think you're one of the most assiduous writers of stupid, ignorant and malicious arguments on this site. Your "research" basically consists in you projecting your traits and preferences onto some perfect ND model.
Quote:
If you had bothered with trying to understand the argument you would not have written that rubbish. He is not entitled to anything. He is trying to get over her by hating her.

That is even more childish and stupid. So basically he ruins the relationship and gets over it by hating her, even if it was his fault. So mature of him!


I think with this post I completely lost interest in having an intelligent discussion with you. So I'm just going to ignore you from now on.



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20 Jun 2018, 3:13 pm

rdos wrote:
Peacesells wrote:
rdos wrote:
Just for the sake of discussion, how do you propose that we should classify NT vs ND traits? It is a pretty old discussion and one I've had multiple times before deciding to publish an objective method of classifying them.

The popular variants are:
1. What is in the DSM of ASD (no good for L&D since this is not part of the definition)
2. What some self-proclaimed expert tells us (without any scientific research, of course)
3. According to how some very vocal people diagnosed with ASD are (which is not an answer at all since this is highly variable)

So, I'm not a judge at all. The decision if a trait is ND or NT is determined solely based on if it is positively or negatively correlated to the Aspie Quiz score difference, a score which uses the objective, published method. It's an empirical measure done in a large population of NDs, NTs and mixed people.

Then show me an article of a serious scientific and psychological magazine which tells us that being cucks is an aspie trait, mr. perfect and ultimate aspie. :lol:
It is also funny how you often deem a trait to be NT and thus frivolous and superficial.
Quote:
Which is just a plain, stupid argument made either of ignorance (see above), or as a malicious attempt to discredit my research.

Funny because I think you're one of the most assiduous writers of stupid, ignorant and malicious arguments on this site. Your "research" basically consists in you projecting your traits and preferences onto some perfect ND model.
Quote:
If you had bothered with trying to understand the argument you would not have written that rubbish. He is not entitled to anything. He is trying to get over her by hating her.

That is even more childish and stupid. So basically he ruins the relationship and gets over it by hating her, even if it was his fault. So mature of him!


I think with this post I completely lost interest in having an intelligent discussion with you. So I'm just going to ignore you from now on.

It's certainly not my fault if we can't have an intelligent discussion.



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21 Jun 2018, 6:48 am

Peacesells wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
That nearly happened to me yesterday. When my girlfriend was threatening to dump me I told her I would never date again.

Yes, yesterday you almost stopped dating and having an interest in girls in general for 10 years. Sure... :lol:

Or maybe you just wanted to sound dramatic.


It was inspired more by fatigue than drama.


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21 Jun 2018, 6:51 am

Fnord wrote:
rachelsp wrote:
rdos wrote:
I think the answer is that many Aspies cannot breakup "just like that", like NTs can. So, in order to protect themselves, they start hating their exes. It's the best way for us to get out of a failed relationship, so you shouldn't take it personally
Your response sounds like the most plausible one to me...
Does that mean only that rdos's explanation supports your pre-determined conclusion the best?

"Ooo ... one person agrees with me, so I must be right!"
Who needs pre-determined experiences when it fits my past experience?

And yes, I am a large enough number of people to be a statistically significant sample size in order to gauge the aspie population.


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