Why is it so hard for people to be alone?

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Ecomatt91
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17 Jun 2018, 5:40 am

Ditto here. It not hard to be socially isolated even attending events and organisations. Today generation is psyched up



SoulcakeDuck
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17 Jun 2018, 11:21 am

Because we need stimulation, friction, and there is only so much stimulation we can give ourselves, your mind becomes a echo-chamber and we crave external inputs so a contrast can be created between you and the world/others.. if not then you're painting and getting painted with the same brush, and that creates the same image with slight alterations but nothing that satisfies in the long run.

Humans are pack animals, we need our unit, we need a family. Maybe not the one we are born into but one we create and that nurtures us and understands you.

We simply crave support and to support.
Aspies are very nurturing, but very selective about it. And we conserve energy because when we spend we go all in and we cant spend on the wrong thing, that causes us to be totally devastated and exhausted.


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green0star
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24 Jun 2018, 8:06 pm

I'm an asexual and while its nice to be alone its not so bad to have someone either but to me its not a necessity which most people seem to depict it as. I've seen people so afraid to be alone that they will go back to their exes which is something one should never do.



auntblabby
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24 Jun 2018, 8:45 pm

another compatible human would surely come in handy. but I survive sans.



SoulcakeDuck
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25 Jun 2018, 8:41 am

auntblabby wrote:
another compatible human would surely come in handy. but I survive sans.


Yes but there is trial and error in finding that compatibility, a match. A "risk" very few on the spectrum take because it drains them of energy, they are not used to it, anxiety and an encounter might leave them "traumatized" in some way because something might happen or something was said that an autist took to heart way to hard.
Yes we are delicate beings but at times very selfish because it's a cooperation, meeting half way, and many ausists are used to their bubble. Happiness is found outside your comfort zone, personal growth too. If you want to have and crave that interaction, its a necessity to finding your mate.
Ive been out a lot, I come from a life where I had no place to hide away and call my own, my privacy was invaded constantly and I was forced out into the world. Even tho it leaves you exhausted I can tell you people that there is value out there, there is a great big booty and reward if you just risk a little and reach out. Yes you will get hurt, yes there will be confusion and uncertainty, but you're not made from glass and you wont die. Ausist just tend to amplify it all because the contrast and repetitive environment they leave behind is so great in the end that it leaves them feeling like the actions they must take are to heavy to carry.
So each one has to find his/her balance in seeking for their mate/match/partner/companion/true love.
We can be very very selfish people thinking the world revolves around us, but the world and the entropy of human movement does not care about you. You need to invade the flow in your own way, but you need to invade and press yourself in there and take up some space to be seen and heard and wanted, desired.


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hurtloam
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29 Jun 2018, 4:46 am

SoulcakeDuck wrote:
Because we need stimulation, friction, and there is only so much stimulation we can give ourselves, your mind becomes a echo-chamber and we crave external inputs so a contrast can be created between you and the world/others.. if not then you're painting and getting painted with the same brush, and that creates the same image with slight alterations but nothing that satisfies in the long run.

Humans are pack animals, we need our unit, we need a family. Maybe not the one we are born into but one we create and that nurtures us and understands you.

We simply crave support and to support.
Aspies are very nurturing, but very selective about it. And we conserve energy because when we spend we go all in and we cant spend on the wrong thing, that causes us to be totally devastated and exhausted.


Wow that's a well written answer. I totally agree.



SoulcakeDuck
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29 Jun 2018, 12:41 pm

hurtloam wrote:
SoulcakeDuck wrote:
Because we need stimulation, friction, and there is only so much stimulation we can give ourselves, your mind becomes a echo-chamber and we crave external inputs so a contrast can be created between you and the world/others.. if not then you're painting and getting painted with the same brush, and that creates the same image with slight alterations but nothing that satisfies in the long run.

Humans are pack animals, we need our unit, we need a family. Maybe not the one we are born into but one we create and that nurtures us and understands you.

We simply crave support and to support.
Aspies are very nurturing, but very selective about it. And we conserve energy because when we spend we go all in and we cant spend on the wrong thing, that causes us to be totally devastated and exhausted.


Wow that's a well written answer. I totally agree.


cool


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isloth
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29 Jun 2018, 3:49 pm

I think a lot of it depends whether your happy with your current situation. If you are alone and happy, that's great. But if you are alone and unhappy, then it's understandable why you would think that it might be better if you had someone.
It can easily turn out that even with someone you will still be unhappy, at which point you have to find other solutions.


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SoulcakeDuck
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29 Jun 2018, 4:11 pm

isloth wrote:
I think a lot of it depends whether your happy with your current situation. If you are alone and happy, that's great. But if you are alone and unhappy, then it's understandable why you would think that it might be better if you had someone.
It can easily turn out that even with someone you will still be unhappy, at which point you have to find other solutions.


There is no happy alone, there is only cooping with loneliness. Everyone needs and wants someone. And that's why you date, hook up, f**k and gather experience to find that one match, NOT a one true love, but a person that compliments your strengths and weaknesses, supports them and understand them and vice versa. In a balance of doing something for each other that makes you feel contempt making you both move forward together in life. Then you make little babies that will later grow up to either like you or hate you.

That's life.


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hurtloam
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29 Jun 2018, 4:12 pm

Or there's folks like me who are somewhere in the middle.

I can amuse .myself for days on end alone and need no contact, but eventually I do start to get lonely and when I get lonely I get depressed.

I start to go a bit crazy without human contact.

Someone on another thread asked "Why do you need someone 24/7". Personally, I don't, but i like to have someone around sometimes on a relatively regular basis. Someone I really like hanging out with, but closer than a friend. Somene o know i can rely to be there, who likes me and wants to be around me. Friends can kind of fill that need, but theres Nothing quite like a more than just friends hug ;)

Life begins to feel empty after awhile of being alone.



Daniel89
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29 Jun 2018, 4:40 pm

hurtloam wrote:
Or there's folks like me who are somewhere in the middle.

I can amuse .myself for days on end alone and need no contact, but eventually I do start to get lonely and when I get lonely I get depressed.

I start to go a bit crazy without human contact.

Someone on another thread asked "Why do you need someone 24/7". Personally, I don't, but i like to have someone around sometimes on a relatively regular basis. Someone I really like hanging out with, but closer than a friend. Somene o know i can rely to be there, who likes me and wants to be around me. Friends can kind of fill that need, but theres Nothing quite like a more than just friends hug ;)

Life begins to feel empty after awhile of being alone.


Do you live in Iceland?



SoulcakeDuck
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29 Jun 2018, 4:46 pm

hurtloam wrote:
Or there's folks like me who are somewhere in the middle.

I can amuse .myself for days on end alone and need no contact, but eventually I do start to get lonely and when I get lonely I get depressed.

I start to go a bit crazy without human contact.

Someone on another thread asked "Why do you need someone 24/7". Personally, I don't, but i like to have someone around sometimes on a relatively regular basis. Someone I really like hanging out with, but closer than a friend. Somene o know i can rely to be there, who likes me and wants to be around me. Friends can kind of fill that need, but theres Nothing quite like a more than just friends hug ;)

Life begins to feel empty after awhile of being alone.


Yes, you're cooping, that's what it is, you're fighting your depression. Then you come to your senses and gain clarity, you are honest with yourself and your desires and you realize ultimately you want someone.

You're not supposed to be glued to each other 24/7 that's why you both have your own interests and hobbies and you leave each other alone for a while then you come together again to hug and talk about things.

That's why you need to find the person who is right for you. Happiness does not run on hope. get out there and communicate your wants and needs. And you'll be found by someone who feels the same.

Honesty goes a long way.


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hurtloam
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30 Jun 2018, 1:39 am

Daniel89 wrote:

Do you live in Iceland?


Lol no. I just like the name of the volcano. I live in the UK. I'm a northern lass.



hurtloam
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30 Jun 2018, 1:45 am

SoulcakeDuck wrote:
That's why you need to find the person who is right for you. Happiness does not run on hope. get out there and communicate your wants and needs. And you'll be found by someone who feels the same.

Honesty goes a long way.


Hell yeah. I've been living years of feeling inadequate and not bring able to fill others needs and for some reason recently i had this conversation with this guy where i honestly told him i like my own space and he was like yeah me too and we just accepted that in each other. It was a relief. First man I've felt like I can be myself with and not be judged. My independence isn't scary, it's a bonus... for the first time ever.



The_Face_of_Boo
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30 Jun 2018, 1:49 am

Image



hurtloam
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30 Jun 2018, 1:51 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Image


:P :D