When do you deserve to be single?

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There's no such thing as disagreeing in a non-combative way. If you disagree with someone, you think you're right—or you'd think something else—and they're wrong—or you wouldn't disagree with them. Therefore, you think you're smarter or more competent than them in some other way. This means they're stupider or otherwise more incompetent than you. And they have every right to be offended by this.

Can't get around this logic! Oh, well you can, the way people do all the time: by being inconsistent. But try answering inconsistently to someone in a position of power—so you'll think twice before trying to punch them in the face—while they methodically question you about your disagreement, looking for a way to corner you, be offended and let you feel their wrath. They'll think you're mocking them, and they won't be happy. And neither will you.

It wasn't all that long ago where merely staying out of institutions and living independently was considered to be a major achievement, much less hooking up with a romantic lifelong partner.

This is pretty clear if you read Temple Grandin's books.

Would you want an autism diagnose to include a prediction of how far you can progress socially?

Last edited by BTDT on 28 Jul 2018, 2:21 pm, edited 2 times in total.

You can disagree with someone without being an as*hole about it.

You can agree partially, and disagree partially, with a person.

For sure!

You can be tactful about it. Sometimes you can say something like:

“I can understand where you’re coming from, but I feel that...”

It’s acknowledging and respecting how the other person feels while still showing that you don’t actually agree with them.

It’s also a good idea to emphasize the things you agree about and to be able to change the subject if a friendly debate turns into an unproductive argument.

Working out is a bad idea for most Aspies. Either you are hot or not.

It is bad because it may allow you to ignore the "elephant in the room."
That your social skills aren't even good enough for the workplace.
Workplace socialization is much easier than romantic ones.

Instead of trying to build confidence by working out, that time would be much
better spent working on your social job skills. It might even lead to a better job.

Women know better than men that beauty is fleeting. But investing in good job
skills has helped many achieve their goals in life.

Lol it is not true that you are either hot or you are not, what the hell is that supposed to mean?
Improving your looks is a thing and will greatly help you in dating and I'd say for a lot, if not most people it's easier than forcing yourself into adopting a personality that is not yours.
Also in online dating pics are very important in cathcing someone's interest.
It seems that on this forum people just don't want poor lonely aspie guys to work out and improve their looks by getting fit. Let me tell you that you don't need to, because in most cases people who are given such advics are too lazy or self-indulgent to actually do that. I'm yet to see someone who seriously considers my advice.

This is silly. There are lots of benefits to working out that have nothing to do with being "hot or not." You will feel better, sleep better, have better posture, and achieve better bone health should you live long enough for that to matter (speaking as someone who recently broke two bones at age 63).

Feeling better, sleeping better, and having better posture will automatically make you more "hot." Just a pleasant side effect!

If you're abusive in any kind of way or a person who can't handle monogamy.

If you're not any of those things you can always improve yourself so there is no need to say "I deserve being single". If you have problems that may cause issues in a relationship it's already a good sign that you're aware of them and an even better sign if you are prepared to work on those issues and until you have it could be best to stay single.

Appearance certainly matters on dating sites. Someone with good genetics can hide that under lots of fat. But, you don't need to work out to lose weight. Working out isn't going to change things like height and bone structure.

I love how there are always excellent reasons not to do what is patently healthy or otherwise good for you, often in the name of something nebulous, like psychological issues tend to be, where you can easily dump your whole life with no sign of progress.

Precisely one of the things that have always discouraged me from working out is that my parents considered it a sign of insecurity. Then again, studying hard was a sign of ... obsession with studying, of course. Wanting to solve any problem is a sign of insecurity because you think there's a problem. No problem is ever real; it's always all in your funny head and you have to be cured by ... not being allowed to address the problems, amirite?

If this sounds like I dislike the world of psychology, you're getting the wrong impression: I loathe it. Not the science itself, but the crap around it that people in positions of power are so fond of these days. Not that I think it used to be better; I'm sure religion did the job of screwing you over just fine.

I wouldn't say I "deserve" to be single, but I'm definitely tired of settling for second best (or third, or fourth).

I'm also really not interested in playing this post-Mayan game where I have to be more interesting than Facebook in order to hold a girl's attention >_<

No thanks.

Working out and getting fit will still dramatically increase your appeal and give you many more chances.

Okay, here's an example. Today I was walking my dog, and my neighbor had her aggressive dog off its leash. It ran across the street and would have attacked my dog if I hadn't picked Mitzi up and yelled at her dog to get back. It ran back across the street and nearly got ran over. She starts yelling at me for almost killing her dog, and I yelled back at her to try keeping her damn dog on a leash. Some other neighbors were nearby, and they started yelling "Dude, not cool!" and the dog's owner started to cry. I left. Right before I got home, she drives past my house and yells that she's sorry and this was only time he's ever been off his leash (lies) and I just went inside without saying anything. She yells "Oh yeah? Well ---- you too!"

I thought I was justified, but apparently everyone else disagrees. That's the kind of thing that keeps me from making friends. What do you guys think?

Well, you did escalate the situation.

Ask yourself this question: Do you want to be happy, or do you want to be right?

Does being happy mean I have to be nice to people whose stupidity gets my dog killed and tell them it's not their fault?

I guess you want to be right.