Why is self-depreciation humor a turn off

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I like your name, malchikbrodyaga.

Also, I think it's all a matter of amount. Doing it occasionally can be funny and show humility, but doing it constantly (which I assume is what she complained about) indicates lack of confidence or self-loathing, and people already pointed out why that could be a problem for some.

I think that type of humour is also a cultural thing, done very well in Australia and the UK but I've noticed since I've been on WP that Americans don't seem to get it at all, and tend to take what you say seriously.

If they don't understand its a humor, how come I saw sites on the internet where people who, personally were turned off by it, called it a humor? So its like they understand and not understand it at the same time?

^I didn't write that, Raleigh did.

Even if they understand it as humour, it's still generally considered a negative type of humour and unattractive.

There are a lot of things people understand and still find unattractive. I understand that some guy's body odour is due to his diet & perhaps lack of hygiene, but I still find it unattractive nonetheless.

They understand that it is a form of humour, but they don't "get" the humour.
They can't understand why anyone would joke about serious problems, for example, and say things to console you or whatever, which is not the correct response.

Diffidence really unnerves some people - the idea that someone could be bright or very talented and not make a big deal about either that, or about themselves, seems to be too much for these folks to handle. I've known a few very modest but shockingly bright / talented types who try/tried to put others at ease with jokes at their own expense. The truly weird thing is that when I see this going on now, it rarely works, but it seemed to work 20 or 30 years ago, and I have no idea why that has changed.

[Edit in: this helps no one here in any way whatsoever, but I was young once, and the world was younger then too, and I found that kind of humor, done with a light touch, almost intolerably sexy. But that was a long time ago in another country, and besides, the wench is old.]

I did too ... and this wench is old, too.

When I find someone with the same humour as myself I feel like I want to marry them.

So it wasn't just me. I wonder what has changed in society?



Likewise, back in the day, although I would have been happy to settle for a nice bit of living in sin, way back when, too.

I actually did marry him!

I am 38, so I am not as old as you. But it seems like in the 90-s people were a lot more willing to talk through things, whereas right now they just want to leave the moment something goes wrong. I am not sure if it is the fact that people are willing to make more leeway for people that are younger, or my leaving home which means my mom wasn't reminding me to take a shower and pick clothes for me, or the 911 terrorism attack that made people less trusting (the last two things happened to coincide in time). But yeah, basically, from fall 2001 onward I noticed people were avoiding me, and as time progressed it just kept getting worse and words.