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How far away can your partner be?

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yellowtamarin
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08 Jul 2018, 5:24 pm

TheSpectrum wrote:
How I see it - it's an all or nothing scenario. Some might disagree and attribute their own arbitrary limits, which is fine.

You're either a) choosing only to date as local as you are prepared to travel, or b) opening up the dating pool to the globe.

If it was a global society we lived in, scenario b would be easier. It seems too tricky to relocate to some countries, e.g. USA, Russia, to bother proactively looking there. But I don't think I'd rule out finding love anywhere, if it happened. The logistics might be a nightmare but if they were worth it...



Luhluhluh
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08 Jul 2018, 6:05 pm

When my partner and I first starting dating we lived about 100 miles apart (about 160 kilometers). It would take us about 1.5 hours to drive to go on a date and we took turns coming to each others cities. Finally (after about a year) he got a job in my city and we started living together about another year after that.

And no, I would not date someone who did not drive and did not have a car. I don't live in a part of the country where you can get away with not having a car (like New York City for example), so to be on an equal playing field I would not consider dating someone without a vehicle.


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sly279
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12 Jul 2018, 8:05 pm

yellowtamarin wrote:
sly279 wrote:
Would you be willing to be the one always driving to a guy? Always being the one to drive him around with you, or would you become upset and think he’s just mooching off you and hang you as a taxi? That’s how I’ve seen women here and onlin expr ss the idea of dating poor men without cars. So I won’t accept rides, I won’t stay at their place, accept gifts food, etc

I think you’re seeing it from a woman’s view where most guys would be fine driving to a woman all th time, giving her rides and all the above. I certainly would be fine doing so.
From what I’ve seen men don’t see women poorer then them as mooches like women see men who make less then them. I haven seen a seemly universal desire from men to only date women who make as much as them or more.
So it would seem any such woman would come to resent and hate me because she’s always having to travel to me and not the other way

Yes, I'm seeing it from a woman's view, because I'm a woman. And my view is I don't mind driving a guy or girl around. I've dated people without cars. E.g. I've been in a relationship with a guy 4-5 hours away by car or train, who had no car. If he visited me he caught the train to the nearest station and I drove an hour to pick him up from there to save him catching the bus (and to spend an extra hour together).

If they can drive, though, but just don't have a car, then sharing the driving in my car seems fair while we are hanging out together. Whatever works.


Do you have female friends or relatives? Ask them how they’d feel driving a guy around or dating men who don’t own cars. What if that guy couldn’t afforded the train up to you?

You’d let them drive your car? Most people here won’t even let their own family drive their car, nor friends they’ve known for years.



yellowtamarin
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13 Jul 2018, 9:33 am

sly279 wrote:
Do you have female friends or relatives? Ask them how they’d feel driving a guy around or dating men who don’t own cars. What if that guy couldn’t afforded the train up to you?

You’d let them drive your car? Most people here won’t even let their own family drive their car, nor friends they’ve known for years.

The last two guys my female friend (just up the road) dated didn't have cars. One lived an hour away and the other 4-5 hours away. The latter guy never caught the train as far as I know, he just waited til she visited him and/or brought him back to her place for extended visits. Something like that.

If my ex couldn't afford the train then I guess we'd have seen each other half as often. The train costs around the same as by car so it would be the same deal if they had a car.

Yeah if my partner can drive fine (and has a license), they can drive my car. The only annoying thing is moving the seat and mirrors back to where they should be.



rdos
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13 Jul 2018, 11:27 am

I think I'm a lot more restrictive than an hour away. I'd say I would need to pass her by each day from/to work. I have 35 km (half-an-hour) to work. Without the possibility to be near her every day it would not be possible to build a mind-to-mind connection. Thus, it would be a catch-22 situation since I wouldn't build a strong connection without being close to her regularly, so that would not happen with long-distance communication. Just texting online would never trigger any feelings for me. I'm not somebody that even likes that kind of communication. Using a web-cam would not be much better as it would only add some visual aspect similar to sitting in a cafe or restaurant to it.



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14 Jul 2018, 9:28 pm

My wife and I are living 6,954 km apart, in different countries. (The kids are with me). She visits for 5-6 days each month, plus vacation time. It's an 12-hour trip by air, with one transfer.

After three years of this, we're finally getting the family back together this fall.


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15 Jul 2018, 11:56 am

Good luck! That's awesome! :D


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elsapelsa
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16 Jul 2018, 5:41 am

yellowtamarin wrote:
sly279 wrote:
Would you be willing to be the one always driving to a guy? Always being the one to drive him around with you, or would you become upset and think he’s just mooching off you and hang you as a taxi? That’s how I’ve seen women here and onlin expr ss the idea of dating poor men without cars. So I won’t accept rides, I won’t stay at their place, accept gifts food, etc

I think you’re seeing it from a woman’s view where most guys would be fine driving to a woman all th time, giving her rides and all the above. I certainly would be fine doing so.
From what I’ve seen men don’t see women poorer then them as mooches like women see men who make less then them. I haven seen a seemly universal desire from men to only date women who make as much as them or more.
So it would seem any such woman would come to resent and hate me because she’s always having to travel to me and not the other way

Yes, I'm seeing it from a woman's view, because I'm a woman. And my view is I don't mind driving a guy or girl around. I've dated people without cars. E.g. I've been in a relationship with a guy 4-5 hours away by car or train, who had no car. If he visited me he caught the train to the nearest station and I drove an hour to pick him up from there to save him catching the bus (and to spend an extra hour together).

If they can drive, though, but just don't have a car, then sharing the driving in my car seems fair while we are hanging out together. Whatever works.


My husband doesn't drive. He can drive but has chosen to never drive. We have been married for 13 years and together for 15. It bothered me momentarily at times that he doesn't drive but it's no biggie.


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whatamievendoing
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16 Jul 2018, 5:56 am

Real love doesn't know arbitrary borders or distance thresholds.


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LonelyRabbit
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24 Jul 2018, 3:05 pm

If you find that special person who you love deeply and are compatible in every way, you hold onto them no matter how far away they are. It's worth it. If it's real love, distance is not an issue.

My bf is 2000+miles away and I will wait for him.



Syd
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24 Jul 2018, 4:32 pm

50 feet away maximum. The CDR (Close-Distance Relationship) is, as near as I can tell, the hippest and most convenient new solution to the woes of modern dating. Communication problems? Tired of texting? No worries... your partner is now within shouting distance 24/7. So honey, throw that smartphone in the garbage, take this fancy new Google smart bracelet that I bought you, and lock it onto your wrist so that I know where you are at all times.



SabbraCadabra
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24 Jul 2018, 4:45 pm

I used to be okay with online relationships, so distance never really bothered me. Of course, most of those relationships never lasted long enough for us to actually meet in person...

I had one who lived about three hours away, but it turned out that she was actually from the same city as me, and was just going to college. So she would drive back home on certain weekends, and on other weekends I would go stay a little while with her.

...then she got a summer job out of state, and she started having a rough time dealing with family problems, and the break-up was maybe a little bit uglier than it should have been...


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24 Jul 2018, 5:10 pm

cberg wrote:
Pretty much. I don't consider Earth all that big really.


I'm actually looking for a chance and an excuse to move really far away, and, if possible, never come back, so ...


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ltcvnzl
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24 Jul 2018, 5:30 pm

my ex-boyfriend lived over 1,100 km from me. we managed to meet only once a month. now this distance is 10x bigger, but we are no longer together but i still love him and we keep contact. both situations are far from ideal, but first one was manageable if there was a chance of becoming together at some point.