Dr. Romie: more than half of married women have a backup man

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How genius.

Are they having affairs with these men or do they merely keep some social contact with these men in case they need them?

The concept of a back up husband has been around since at least biblical times. The man was called a "kinsman redeemer", a man obliged to marry a woman if her husband died, and he was typically a relative of the deceased husband.

Jeez you’re kiddding! Muslim Arabs had this tradition too, usually the deceased husband’s single brother had this obligation.

My grandmother married the brother of my biological grandfather who died young.
It’s no more common fortunately.

But this has nothing to do with the concept of backup man they talked about in the video, I bet the husbands don’t know of these backup men so that’s totally different than the bibilical tradition you’re talking about.

But the question is, are they having affairs with these men?

DavidBowie'sLegacEye
Tracy Moore
9/30/14 12:35pm
I would never want to marry someone who cares so little for his own happiness and mine that he rejected all other relationships in the hopes that my marriage would fall apart.

Nay. If my husband dies, I'm keeping it simple and marrying my brother-in-law. No new inlaws to keep track of, and it's the biblical thing to do.

resplendent.b***h
Tracy Moore
9/30/14 12:52pm
Ooh, story time! So, I can confirm that Backup Husbands are a Thing, because after my husband and his first wife divorced, she (first wife) went and married an old high school boyfriend who'd always had a thing for her.

From what I can tell, it was mostly because he was immediately available, and his long-standings feelings for her were an ego boost, because this guy barely has a job and does nothing around the house. I'm not really sure what purpose this guy serves, and she doesn't honestly seem particularly attached to him, from what I have observed from an admittedly limited vantage point.

The whole situation has only strengthened my resolve that if resplendent.husband gets hit by a bus, my back-up husband is going to be six cats, a bottle of Malbec, and the first season of 'True Dectective' on DVD.

resplendent.b***h
iamendlawyeregos
9/30/14 3:31pm
My back-up husband and I have an agreement that I am allowed to see other cats, other bottles of wine, and other TV shows, as long as I'm discrete about it. It's an open relationship, you might say.

hockygrrl4 Agent of Chaos
Tracy Moore
9/30/14 5:20pm
Alright, who wrote a full article about my former friend, "J"? Raised by one of those bat my eyes, get a phone bill paid kind of women who eventually married off her two daughters early (one at 15 and one at 16) and then disappeared, J had the clunker of the hubby right from the start. This man not only liked to chase anything with a heartbeat he would fall in love with his fists and take them out for a Sunday morning pounding with little to no forewarning at all. J ended up with a broken jaw, a broken wrist and a home without a toilet because this guy pulled theirs from the floor and then slop-rolled it out into their front yard. Eventually she managed to leave the guy. Kind of.

She got married to a new guy because J was never ever taught how to survive on her own. Her mother was never without a boyfriend, new husband or a special friend for longer than a day. So, the new guy is great: at least by every definition he is. Well-mannered, hard worker, good to his family and his children, never raised his voice, willing to overlook some of her weird little idiosyncrasies. But, J is bored. There is no drama to be had in her life so instead of being happy about that, she starts looking for some. It starts with her obsessing about the former hubby. Then she starts driving past his house all of the time. Eventually she speaks to him directly. He is married now. He would prefer not speaking to her. Their time together is done.

Old hubby gets bored with new wife. He contacts J... they start what J calls "perfectly innocent" ... old hubby is texting her every morning and every night. Meanwhile, J and her current hubby can pass each other in the same house and never make eye contact. Eventually old hubby's new wife sees a text and let's old wife's new hubby know what is going on. In fact, she brings the phone so that he can scroll through the messages and see them and how long it had been going on.

J comes home to find her teenage daughter enraged with her. Her husband is on the porch crying. He would like to know if she is planning on leaving but that if she is, she should know that old hubby has already confessed and assured new wife that he is NOT going anywhere. (And then cheerfully throws J under the bus). The last time I talked to her, her and her husband were together. They were having major money issues- he spent several hours trying for, getting and then trying to get out of a loan with one of those fly by night companies wherein he ends up wiring a bunch of money for an "application fee" They were both afraid to tell his dad which is their only way out of this mess by this point. She posted some smarmy BS FB post about her precious "hubby" and how much she loved him and yadda yadda.... but, her other messages had indicated that nothing was sunshine and roses over there.

Manciple
Tracy Moore
9/30/14 12:05pm
Disagree on "never speak of them." My backup is one of my husband's best friends, and he is my backup because he's kinda the junkyard version of my husband: Very similar, but about two points less in all categories. I have told the friend that he's my backup (he is also married!) and he's cool with it, and my husband's cool with it 'cause he knows he generally outranks his friend (at least in the looks department). Are we shallow or just reallllly on our backup game?! You be the judge. (Please don't be the judge.)

NoraNext
Tracy Moore
9/30/14 9:20pm
Once right after I graduated college I was at a garden party with my dad and his friends and this drunk old lady taught me allllll about how to pick your three husbands. First husband is for a father for your kids. Second husband is for money. Third husband is for love. Thanks, drunk lady!

I don't even get any of this stuff....


I mean if I lived in some culture I was forced to marry a man I didn't love or even like, in that kind of circumstance I could see the cheating. But I don't understand the idea of manipulating someone to get at their money/resources and just that. Like I didn't think of any of that when getting with my boyfriend I thought about if I like him and wanted to make a life with him regardless of what happens. I mean if we end up homeless I won't leave him...we'd just have to find some way to make it work. Of course we are both working on preventing that happening. But we are literally a half step above homelessness. And its BS, he works full-time and I get SSI(disability payments from the government) and yet its hard to afford to live anywhere. I mean back in my parents 20'a 30'a a couple could afford 4 children with a stay at home mom and working dad and at least a town-home or even a small house. I mean I don't even know how people my age afford to have a kid, when me and my boyfriend just two people have so much trouble affording rent. I mean luckily we don't want a kid, but even if we did...its not like we could afford it. I mean hell it would even be a struggle to get a pet and afford to take care of it properly. Though I would like if we could have a cat or something.

The concept as she explained is not an affair, they're just plan B men in case things go wrong with man A. Like a spare part, you don't use it tell the main part is broken.

^ Yeah, hence why I am advising sweetleaf to get one.

You cannot oblige your backup not to date, but if you choose someone chronically single and lonely (It's so easy to find a male in that category nowadays), you can string him along with some communication every where, keeping his hopes up -he may be useful one day in case you lose your current partner.

A backup man-plan? Don't have one, I don't believe I've ever had someone that I wanted readily available to me right after a breakup. Men are always just around, but that doesn't mean I need or want them to be there for me as a financial rebound/domino.

That sounds awful. I don't think I would like to be neither plan A nor plan B.

As you said, Men are always around, so whether to have a backup man or not is purely a matter of a personal choice you make.

They are not a backup man if I do not know them. I can't assume that every guy around me is some kind of potential suitor, and clearly aren't an option made ahead of time.

There are women always around you (and all the other men in the world), are they purely a matter of a personal choice you make? A stranger(s)? No.

edit: I'm tired and skimmed over your post. Yes, men are always around. As are women. I'm just saying that a backup man isn't necessary for a woman to have, as she can wait and be single for a while and maybe end up with someone she likes way into the future.

Anyway, a man having a backup woman may be just as likely, if he breaks off the relationship first. Maybe even leaving his first girl for a new one, the roles can just as easily be reversed.

This could be something that men and women practice, although I don't think it's as common as it seems. I don't think it's right to window-shop for a new relationship while already being in one either, true monogamy is just keeping up with one person at a time.

And do you seriously watch Fox News?