Finding love

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Mmhmm, prejudice against people who like to attend a party a few times a year.. that’ll work out fantastically if your objective is to make your potential dating pool as small as possible.

I wasn’t joking. If a guy can’t find a date in 3.4M people then perhaps he should consider other options - including that one.

Peacesells don't feed the troll.

I wanna giveaway a large pizza to goldfish.

Why?

Just because you like to f*ck around, it doesn't mean that we all have the same objectives. A personality you are not attracted to might be ok for a one night stand but I don't think it makes much sense to enter a long term relationship with them. Similarly, not being attracted to someone doesn't necessarily mean that you have a prejudice against them, even if I think OP might have it. I don't even think he is talking about people who go to parties a few times a year.

Yes, you were not joking, I was trying to be nice. I know you were actually mocking him.

I don't have anything to do right now anyway and I'm extremely bored.

I was talking about the OP and his prejudice against people who attend parties. I was pointing out that even highly educated career focused people attend parties. I comprehend why he does not - I am on the spectrum, my high school best friend, his wife, and their friends are deafies. (Similar social exclusion to aspies, in a way.) I fully get his own reluctance to go to parties, but to write off every other human that does is a mistake, IMO.

I wasn’t mocking him. I presented it as a serious alternative to consider. If he’s looking for an LTR he might just find one with a foreigner who’s seeking to relocate and get married. People on the spectrum often do better with partners from foreign cultures who assume our quirks are simply a matter of cultural differences. Hell, he might meet a foreign ecologist or environmental remediation specialist or something who he clicks with on a passion level, too.

I wonder if Australia has activist organizations like we have here with Greenpeace? (Which was founded here in Vancouver.) He’d have a WAY better chance of meeting a compatible eco warrior via that organization than most others, IMO.

For the record, I like his passion. I’m very much about environmental repair & sustainability as much as I can be - and so are So Many of us here on the Best coast of Canada. Hippies & Native Indians fighting off the Big Oil Cowboys from Alberta & Texas.

Last edited by goldfish21 on 05 Aug 2018, 4:08 pm, edited 1 time in total.

He seems to have a prejudice against them, but in my opinion it's also a turn off for him and I can see why, it'd not be easy for a guy who hates parties and a girl who loves them to get along fine all the time. This been said, I hightly doubt that he'd turn down some party woman if he'd have the chance.
I think one of his problems might be related to the fact that he seems to like himself a bit too much, not sure if I am the only one who had that impression.

I seriously hope you were just mocking him and are not trying to back off instead of really suggesting that he should buy a stranger from overseas.

That’s too black and white/all or nothing thinking. He could date a girl who likes to go to a party or festival a few times a year. She could simply go on her own or with her friends. They could do other more compatible things together.

I don’t think he likes himself too much. I think he’s just frustrated that he’s a decent, hard working, intelligent, educated, accomplished guy who’s passionate about very positive things who just can’t seem to catch a relationship break.

I wasn’t mocking him & thus I’m not trying to cover that up. I explained myself. I don’t see a problem with people in his situation exploring the option of connecting with a mail order bride. Why continue to do the exact same things he’s done and continue being frustrated with the exact same results when there are other options that exist? There are other options yet. Maybe he doesn’t need to go to the extreme of a mail order bride and simply needs to consider seeking an immigrant girlfriend who’s local to him, for the benefit of her assuming his quirks are merely cultural vs neurotype related.

My husband used to have a super religious friend who met his wife in a night-club. He was forever apologising for meeting a "decent" girl in a night-club. Supposedly not a decent enough place for a decent enough girl for him. Whilst we never see them anymore they seem very happily married. I met my husband in a the basement of a church whilst I was working with sangatte refugees. If you compare me and the woman in the nightclub I can assure you I am far less "decent" than her!

To be perfectly honest..... it is going to be entirely irrelevant where you meet the right person as long as you are able to figure out that it is the right person.

Ding ding ding!

My parents like to joke about how they met in a bar and my mom had two black eyes (after a nasal surgery) and my dad thought “Now that’s the girl for me!” True story.

And to the OP: They met in a bar around ~1970. They both consume alcohol, but are not alcoholics. Neither of them goes to pubs or parties regularly at all. Both are normal working class family people. Just because people meet in a bar/club/party does not mean that that is necessarily a large part of their identity, nor that those places are places they’ll be frequenting for the rest of their lives.

You could meet the perfect someone at an environmental conference and then find out they spend every second weekend at raves or fetish clubs. People are people and you just never know who’s into what based on where you met them for the first time.

Interesting responses here, and also questions. I am going to take time to answer them. Bare with me.

I am not a party pooper. I grew up living in party house, a family who invites uneducated friends who love drinking (Aussie culture), and stayed on campus college where people drink at every single parties for three years. I had traumatic experiences where people being mean to me, taking advantage of me being a non-drinker, have been abused to pressure me to drink. I couldn't handle the noise of music and background distractions because I rarely have a decent conversation with one person. That is my hearing loss comes in play at same time being Autistic. I went to many parties as I can as I thought I am going to have a good time but unfortunately I never did. I attended dinner parties, birthday parties and small gatherings. They are much better than clubbing, festivals and related stuff. However those are also I did attend before but rarely came across to a nice and decent human being who treats me equally like someone else. In these kind of environments where there are lot of NTs are very extroverted, highly expected of others and portray aggressive social traits. They aren't right people for me because of pressuring.

I used to be member of Greens party and Greenpeace here too. I know many environmental organisations very well even let alone I am running an environmental business now! Unfortunately it so difficult to find decent people in both Greens and Greenpeace here in Australia after 4.5 years of membership. Many are activists showing mental health problems, lack of empathy and lack of compassionate of others. They are selfish, hardcore protesters with no diversity awareness among their groups. Majority of them usually attack people especially politicians, identity crisis and getting arrested for trespassing mining equipment and sit downs at MP offices. I thought I would make friends with those people due to same passions and values but their personality and attitude affects me the most because they never give me time nor they give themselves time to make friends with me. Hence they turn out wrong people too.

I am not considering mail order bride. They are fake relationships, forceful marriages for their gains with painsfrom them not true loving who you are. They are not the relationship I want. I want a true relationship who is a girl is falling with me by who I am. I am open minded, friendly, smart, intelligent and caring person. I know who I am, and I know who I am looking for. I understand my standards appears to be high but I am not stopping myself from getting a potential date. I still have asked girls to date with me but never had a 'yes'.

I am confident of who I am and being independent person but unfortunately I am not usually confident with other people because I observe they are not being confident with me. Hence miscommunication and misconceptions. That where it hard to find a decent women who falls for me while I am achieving, doing great things, helping people and have goals in life. I thought those are great qualities for women who looking for a decent guy? I am questioning this because I grew up and I learnt a lot of things that I shouldn't have done. Now I am confident, but still facing barriers.

I don't think it got to do where I live. I lived in quite few places. I am seeing this from my perspective that the current generation is a problem. Technology, society expectations and media causing stigma, stereotypes and mental illness. I am not surprised.

My twin brother dated like 3 or 4 girls ever. He’s never drank a drop and has never smoked anything or done drugs besides caffeine. He’s been with his current girlfriend for 3-4 years now (the other couple were a mere few weeks of dating), they live together, and are talking about plans of starting a family. We’re both 35 years old, so his first real relationship didn’t even begin until 32ish & it may just be the one that he stays in forever. Seems that way. So, don’t despair if nothing really happens for years yet.. it doesn’t mean it won’t.

Also, when EVERYONE else is the problem.. you are the problem. Either it’s your aspie traits, deafy traits, high standards, physical appearance/presentation etc etc or some combination that’s off putting to others. I’d bet it’s mostly your aspie traits.

IMO you’d be best off continuing to work on yourself while just keeping an open mind about meeting someone by chance vs trying to force a meeting with an ideal mate, because that typically never ends well. People just get frustrated. Just keep being yourself and being happy, and somewhere along your journey the right girl will notice you & strike up a conversation that changes the rest of your life.

I've had the most luck on language exchange websites. I don't know why, but it seems kind of easy to find really introverted people who are more into quiet activities or stuff like that who also happen to like talking to me.

Now, it's kind of a hurdle when you live in completely different countries, so...my biggest take away would probably be this.

I told my brother it'd be hard to find people like me because I'm pretty antisocial and going outside and meeting people is really just finding a bunch of people who aren't like me just by the fact that they're outside in the first place

But finding people who like to spend time on the internet has been pretty fruitful(Except for dating websites. I'm not sure why). I've found more than a couple of people on language exchange websites that I enjoy talking to and we get comfortable with each other after a while. I don't think it just has to be language exchange websites; I've heard of people meeting on World of Warcraft and their relationships have been fairly successful. So, meeting people online with a shared interest has worked for me. I've noticed they tend to be more introverted and like to do things that doesn't require being in noisy places. And I'm more comfortable communicating in writing and I think a lot of people I've met online are the same way, so it's easier for us to talk.

That's what I have to say. The only thing is just meeting someone who would live close enough to you which can be pretty hard(it's possible just a little improbable...unless you're okay with long distance relationships), so...good luck, sincerely.

Gender bashing aside, actually, up until a few years ago, I had never met anyone (that I'm aware of) that I would consider long-term relationship material, either. Now that I have finally met a few, they aren't available...go figure. I'm guessing you just have to be at the right place, at the right time...

Also, I am picky about romantic partners, but appearance isn't a top priority. I'm mostly choosey about their personalities, values, and compatibility.

Again, I don't think he was talking about people who occasionally go to festivals.

It seems to me that he just loves himself, he's always singing his own praise while looking down on other people. Sometimes he sounds like "I'm so awesome, now where is my girlfriend?" to me. I'm not trying to insult him, I just point out stuff I notice. Maybe some other people might have a similar impression.

It's just a silly suggestion, how would buying a stranger who is only interested in a green card and could probably divorce him or cheat on him help his situation? I don't think you were serious, even if you say otherwise.

I am not suggesting a mail order bride. One of the positive Aspie traits is --- A relationship with someone who has Aspergers tends to be free from bias and discrimination based on race, gender, age or other differences. They judge people based on their behavior not the color of their skin, socioeconomic status or political influence. Many other individuals select potential mates based on a variety of biases. They exclude many very acceptable candidate. But being an Aspie, you are very free from adopting those same standards.

There are worlds within worlds throughout our planet. Many are very different and unique. Some are very compatible with merging with your traits. Two people can combine together to make a stronger couple better able to survive the hardships that life presents. So set your prejudices aside and open your eyes. There is a great big world out there to explore.