Don't put women on a pedestal

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quite an extreme
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16 Dec 2018, 12:21 pm

hurtloam wrote:

Sigh.
Another one bites the dust.

Why does no one ever like me?

I should just give up.

Don't give up to fast. I can also be wrong and I'm not a love guru. I wrote just what I thought about this.
But you should ask him directly why he doesn't want to show with you.

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Last edited by quite an extreme on 16 Dec 2018, 2:27 pm, edited 2 times in total.

hurtloam
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16 Dec 2018, 12:25 pm

quite an extreme wrote:

hurtloam wrote:

I'm angry because I thought he liked me, but he was too scared to spend time alone with me out of some false sense of gentlemanliess.

Sounds a bit to strange to me. He would be happy to spend time with you if he had really a crush on you. I would guess that he has an other girlfriend or a crush on someone else. Or he is afraid to be judged by others once they see him with you. Drop him!

Actually, when I explained what happened to a male friend of mine he didn't think it was weird. He knows men like that.

He summed it up as: "for some people it's easier to say no instead of pushing their boundaries."

rdos
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16 Dec 2018, 12:36 pm

hurtloam wrote:

rdos wrote:

Ooh, I don't think shy NDs should ask or go on dates with women. They are supposed to observe them from a distance only until they feel safe with closer contact.

And watch as the women give up and walk away

That's part of the "game". The most persistent wins. :mrgreen:

quite an extreme
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16 Dec 2018, 12:41 pm

hurtloam wrote:

He summed it up as: "for some people it's easier to say no instead of pushing their boundaries."

You should ask the guy what he is afraid of if he shows with you. But be sure it's not because he wants to be gentlemanly.

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hurtloam
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16 Dec 2018, 12:43 pm

rdos wrote:

hurtloam wrote:

rdos wrote:

Ooh, I don't think shy NDs should ask or go on dates with women. They are supposed to observe them from a distance only until they feel safe with closer contact.

And watch as the women give up and walk away

That's part of the "game". The most persistent wins. :mrgreen:

Sounds like a game a lot of people realise they've lost when they're alone in their 60s. :roll:

rdos
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16 Dec 2018, 12:55 pm

hurtloam wrote:

rdos wrote:

hurtloam wrote:

rdos wrote:

Ooh, I don't think shy NDs should ask or go on dates with women. They are supposed to observe them from a distance only until they feel safe with closer contact.

And watch as the women give up and walk away

That's part of the "game". The most persistent wins. :mrgreen:

Sounds like a game a lot of people realise they've lost when they're alone in their 60s. :roll:

Might be so for some, but I feel I might have "won" it by that time. :wink:

nick007
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16 Dec 2018, 2:18 pm

My current girlfriend & my 1st really liked that I put them on pedestals

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16 Dec 2018, 2:37 pm

The_Face_of_Boo
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16 Dec 2018, 2:48 pm

hurtloam wrote:

rdos wrote:

hurtloam wrote:

rdos wrote:

Ooh, I don't think shy NDs should ask or go on dates with women. They are supposed to observe them from a distance only until they feel safe with closer contact.

And watch as the women give up and walk away

That's part of the "game". The most persistent wins. :mrgreen:

Sounds like a game a lot of people realise they've lost when they're alone in their 60s. :roll:

Oh my, that's a hostile sense of entitlement.

You're turning into an incel girl, hurtloam.

Raleigh
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16 Dec 2018, 3:45 pm

hurtloam wrote:

This might sound like humble bragging, bear with me.

I can't stand it when men treat me like they're being gentlemanly and showing me extra respect as a woman.

We are not all temptresses. We are people too!

It's not respectful. It's treating women like "the other."

I got uninvited from something because it turned out only me and him were going. Fine. I'll go by myself. I don't need you.

Aparently this is a friend. Apparently he's just shy. Apparently he's just bring "respectful". I'm not going to eat him! My hair isn't made of snakes. I'm not going to turn him to stone.

If you are a shy chap who is a little scared of being alone with a woman. Don't pretend like you're being chivalrous. You're not going to be expected to be anything special other than just being yourself. Just go along to the concert or whatever and enjoy it like you would with a male friend. Even if you really fancy this girl. You won't win her over by avoiding spending time with her.

If we say yes, we want to spend time with you. If you're scared she thinks it's a date and she was ok with it being a date anyway, you've lost out.

Rant over.

What the hell, this makes no sense at all.
Ditch that idiot if you haven't already.
It really sucks that you have to keep going through this s**t.

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The_Face_of_Boo
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16 Dec 2018, 4:14 pm

He has the right to reject, he has the right to not wanting to go with you tête-à-tête.

This has nothing to do with putting women on pedestal, he just doesn't want to give you any wrong impression.

hurtloam
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16 Dec 2018, 4:15 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

He has the right to reject, he has the right to not wanting to go with you tête-à-tête.

Yes of course. But I really thought this one liked me.

The_Face_of_Boo
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16 Dec 2018, 4:17 pm

hurtloam wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

He has the right to reject, he has the right to not wanting to go with you tête-à-tête.

Yes of course. But I really thought this one liked me.

Don't we all have wishful thoughts? Oh well, mais c'est la vie , it's full of disappointments.

hurtloam
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16 Dec 2018, 4:37 pm

HighLlama wrote:

Lol

BeaArthur
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16 Dec 2018, 6:20 pm

hurtloam wrote:

BeaArthur wrote:

hurtloam wrote:

No. I liked him. He doesn't want to spend time with me. What's wrong with your reading comprehension? He said no were not going out not me.

I'm angry because I thought he liked me, but he was too scared to spend time alone with me out of some false sense of gentlemanliness.

Are you sure he doesn't want to spend time with you - are you sure he was too scared of you? How is your mind-reading score?

We autistics often have some very distorted perceptions, and the best thing we can do is recognize that and challenge our judgments to see if they are accurate and logical.

Bea. We're not all ret*d on here. You can tell by someone's body language whether they've got a crush in you. Them blushing when you talk to them is a big sign for example.

Texting right back when you send them a message is another example. Also other things you pick up on in person.

Okay, plenty of cognitive distortions here, but I'm not wasting my time discussing them. Lest I get another "Bea, we're not all ret*d on here" kind of answer. I actually thought you were a little more mature than that. Whatevah.

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16 Dec 2018, 7:30 pm

BeaArthur wrote:

hurtloam wrote:

I went to the concert by myself because he would go with me.

Good for you! I've gone to events alone when I didn't have a companion. It's not as good as going with someone, but it's still good.

Maybe I should try going to eat alone or to movies alone.
I don’t go cause I don’t want people saying I’m a loser since I’m alone on what is date activities
I could have gotten a $20 steak dinner at my favorite place for $7 but I’d didnt go

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