Not interested/"friend zone"/Give me a chance

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The problem is that there's a system. I prefer relationship anarchy because I may not know what the hell is going on but that in no way prevents me from loving someone who gets me.

There is zero social pressure to date me or not because I'm awkward in the extreme & I'm anything but conventional. If I based my decisions on all these rules there would be no one in my life at all.

That actually wasn't my point at all.

The whole point is that you can't force affection. Just because one person feels something doesn't obligate the other person to. That doesn't mean that "people are unlikely to be into some of us" just that if I have the hots for someone and they don't return it, but they still value me as a friend, me losing my head over it is completely my issue not theirs. They still want me in their lives as a friend, that is how they feel for me. This may or may not change over time. Life is constantly in flux, but my hanging my hat at their door and waiting, hoping, is not necessarily going to bring any returns and in a way it's deceiving that person because they think I am their friend. They don't stop being the person I have the hots for just because they don't have the hots for me. Going around and bad mouthing them or lurking waiting to swoop when they are vulnerable in hopes of forcing that emotion change on their part is just not cool.

If that person isn't into me, then I look for someone else. That's how life and relationships work. I still have an awesome friend who might even be my wingman trying to find someone else, ditching them because they don't have the hots for me is silly. I'd lose a friend. I truly believe there are always matches out there. They might not be the ones you expect or hope for and might not come into your life as expected, but that doesn't make them bad. If Person A doesn't like you that way, there is still the rest of the alphabet after all. If you are so focused on Person A that you don't even notice Person Q has the hots for you, well that is indeed a problem.

That's pretty much how I feel. The only real rule put forth by my op was don't be a jerk. LOL

And who wants to be conventional anyway? Seriously overrated.

Last edited by puzzledoll on 24 Dec 2018, 7:44 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I do . I wish I could be conventional and normal. I’ve alwsy found normal people say they wish they were weird to be extremely naive. If they knew what it meant they wouldn’t want it.

If a woman gives a man "a chance," the woman is already "one up" on the man already.

I wouldn't want to be in that sort of power imbalance.

I used to plead, in my mind, that a woman would "give me a chance." All the friggin' time! I know that feeling well.

I'm a short man. And I looked like a kid when I was in my 20s. Women didn't exactly see me as "stud material."

But I soon realized that this desire to be "given a chance" only causes one to ride on a dead-end street.

Based off what you wrote it seems like you are saying that if you tell someone you like them and they don't like you back, they are never allowed to like anyone else or date at all, just because you told them you like them? I'm almost certain that can't be what you meant, but that is how it reads to me. Please clarify.

And you are right, the person doesn't have to be your friend, but if you choose to break off the friendship that's on you and both you and the person you like will be losing a friend which is sad all around.

*APPLAUSE* Exactly!! !

This was not what meant at all, even I as a non-native english speaker got it.
In the second senario he was saying that the rejection reason isn’t honest. It’s like some friend telling you she doesn’t feel to go out today when you invite her, then you find out she’s going out with other friends on the same day.

^ but...sly said the person said they don't want a relationship, so couldn't they go out with someone else?

Ah, I see.
It's the "WITH YOU" part rather than "I don't want ANY relationship"

right.
Nvm.

Last edited by Raleigh on 24 Dec 2018, 7:41 pm, edited 1 time in total.

If a woman is "dishonest" in that sense-----it's because she doesn't want to offend the man. She knows that men get upset when they get rejected by women.

I used to get upset when I got rejected by women. I used to go in my room (or, when older, my apartment) and punch things---like the wall. I used to kick aluminum cans in the street, and sometimes knock over garbage cans. I had a really bad temper as a kid and young adult.

But when I was about 23 or so, I realized that all this crap leads me only to a dead end. I decided I didn't want to make "getting a girlfriend" the main focus of my life.

Of course they can, he surely didn’t mean they can’t, but in that case that “ I don’t want a relationship right now” was actually meant “I don’t want a relationship with you”, not very honest but well ....that’s the NT way of politness.

Yeah, sorry, I just realised this and edited above.

Unless she has some serious social anxiety, ANY excuse not to be in a relationship with you is exactly that, an excuse. If you're friends then she likely genuinely doesn't want to hurt your feelings, in which case she'll use a misguided soft-rejection. Really you should be flattered by such an excuse, it means she doesn't despise you.

It happens a lot in the dancing context, when you ask someone for a dance and she is like “I am tired, don’t feel like dancing”, then 20 seconds later you find her shaking like Shakira with someone else on the dancing floor.
That when you realize that you’re either too ugly or a terrible dancer. lol

They call these White lies, I guess.

I call this-----Life!! !!

I had this sort of thing happen to me dozens of times.

I felt like CRAP....trust me!! !!

Maybe the key is to be a bit flirty from the get-go. If she doesn't like it she'll shun you, but if she sticks around there's a good chance she's interested in more than friends.