Not dating

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hurtloam
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13 Mar 2019, 5:23 pm

I'm going to pick out some quotes I like from AngrlRho's essay

Quote:

. In the Bible, I believe David referred to Jonathan as a "love greater than women." That's EXACTLY what I have with my wife, and have always had. ...And I think it is so RAAAARE that you find someone of the opposite sex you can have that sort of relationship with. But why not? Why CAN'T you have that sort of all-in-one relationship? But that's the beauty of what we have, of where we've been together, and where we are now.

Wow, yes, that's exactly what I want.

Quote:

The simpler, shorter, more practical answer is you know who your friends are before you date them...

I totally agree with this. I find men stand-offish though. Unless they're already in a relationship, then I'm safe to talk to... then their wives stop me hanging out with them...

Quote:

Get to know people, include MOOS in your social circle, people you spend the most time with. Give it time and keep an appropriate distance. Watch, observe, and learn. Stay closer to men you like and just see who seems to like you back.

That's what I've been doing. I've made one male friend who actually seems to like me. I just have to be patient I guess. And not be scared to feel.

hurtloam
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13 Mar 2019, 5:24 pm

magz wrote:

All my relationships started like that. Maybe that's the local culture.
You just spend lots of time together as friends and gradually get closer and closer, including physically (like more hugs). Then one day some limit breaks, you kiss and decide it's a relationship. Then you can have some dating but it's optional.

Ok that makes sense.

Sabreclaw
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14 Mar 2019, 1:48 am

I adore the idea of a friendship naturally blossoming into a relationship. But for me, it's implausible. I have very little friends and no means to make new ones. Not to mention, every single social group I've ended up with has been almost entirely male-dominated, with the only girls there being partnered with the guys.

I don't even have to worry about girls being attracted to me, I'm still stuck finding any girls to begin with.

hurtloam
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14 Mar 2019, 5:30 pm

Yes I've wanted that sort of blossoming love my whole life, but I just haven't been able to make male friends and all my female friends just want to hang out in groups of women.

I'm really struggling to find another man to come along with us when I organise group things so that my new friend isn't stuck with a load of women. But conversely, he invites me out and it's me and a load of guys lol.

blackicmenace
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14 Mar 2019, 6:28 pm

Sabreclaw wrote:

The absolute last thing you should do is become a self fulfilling prophecy. Best of luck meeting new people.

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blackicmenace
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14 Mar 2019, 6:39 pm

hurtloam wrote:

Hey, less competition if they are all heterosexual. Be sure to be the genuine article.

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Sabreclaw
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15 Mar 2019, 2:15 am

blackicmenace wrote:

Sabreclaw wrote:

The absolute last thing you should do is become a self fulfilling prophecy. Best of luck meeting new people.

Nobody of my age group seems to do anything outside of their friend groups, and even then they're rarely available. Trying to break into new social groups is extremely difficult, borderline impossible. And as I said, almost exclusively male-dominated anyway.

hurtloam
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15 Mar 2019, 2:51 am

I've started hanging out with younger people. They are more open to new friendships. I look younger than I am though... apparently.

A 21 year old friend of mine thought I was only 25. I thought she was joking, but she really thought I was younger.

Sabreclaw
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15 Mar 2019, 5:06 am

hurtloam wrote:

How did you manage to meet these people?

hurtloam
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15 Mar 2019, 6:04 am

Sabreclaw wrote:

hurtloam wrote:

How did you manage to meet these people?

Church. Not sure where non-religious people meet others.

The Grand Inquisitor
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15 Mar 2019, 6:29 am

hurtloam wrote:

Sabreclaw wrote:

hurtloam wrote:

How did you manage to meet these people?

Church. Not sure where non-religious people meet others.

Yeah that makes sense. Those of us who are non-religious can't take advantage of anything like that to meet people, so I think it'd be fair to say it's harder for us.

hurtloam
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15 Mar 2019, 2:29 pm

Even so... it's a good way to make friends, not neccesarily to find a partner, but I am glad of my friends.

Even in work, there's never any men my age.

Tim_Tex
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16 Mar 2019, 3:52 am

Usually, friendship is a stepping stone to a relationship.

I’ve pretty much given up on relationships, though.

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Sabreclaw
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17 Mar 2019, 3:20 am

I made a fake female profile on a dating site. Didn't even have a picture, just a meme account. It's the exact same account that I used as a fake male profile, only I changed it from male to female.

There's literally dozens of times more matches now than there was when it was male, and the account is being liked left, right, and center. It literally took seconds to see for myself just how utterly skewed the ratios are. The women are completely over-saturated in choice that it's no bloody wonder most guys just get ghosted by everybody and their auntie.

The_Face_of_Boo
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17 Mar 2019, 9:49 am

Sabreclaw wrote:

And not only only that, half of the women are transgender and most of the other half are married women or single moms.

hurtloam
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17 Mar 2019, 10:32 am

No. We've had this conversations a hundred times. Let's not devolve into this again.

I still don't know if my friend likes me as just a friend or not.

I'm swaying towards not.

I'm never going to find anyone.

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