Marriage and child is no longer feasible [ranty]

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Its not so much about actually getting married or having a child. It's about the choice itself being taken away.

I don't want to have kids, but I didn't really get to actually make the decision. Circumstances dictated that I cannot. To be fair, my Mum was born when her Mum was 40, so I could still have kids, but I'm the same age as boo. I'd need to meet someone and get to know them before deciding to have children with them, but yes development issues arise at this age in babies and I'd rather not risk it. Its a choice, but not the choice I had 10 years ago.

I read something random the other day, "Will you choose to get married? Will you choose to halve kids?" I laughed. I don't have a choice. You need a willing partner to make those decisions and I have no one to make those choices with. Odds are, I probably never will.

I can pretend I've made a choice based on my personal preferences, but I actually haven't chosen in reality.

That’s a added good point

Not an uncle story but a cousin... XP He had married but she decided she didn't want kids so they divorced. He found someone else who was on board with having a family, and was younger than him. They had their first kid when he was over 40. He has three kids now and his youngest will be graduating high school when he is about 80. It's pretty extreme, but it is possible. He really wanted a family and felt he needed it to feel fulfilled so he got it to happen. There are certainly things that he would/will miss because of his age, but say he lives only to 80, that means his daughter got 18 years with him. That's 10 more than I got from my dad so it doesn't seem that awful to me.

It's a personal decision though. So if you feel you're too old to be having kids than that's a decision you made and your family ought to respect that.

Adoption would be an option though. Especially if you were to take on an older child(no 2am feedings!), they can be challenging but they are the ones that need it the most.

As you don't want uncle stories, I'll refrain from stories of my husband's uncle, my mother's father, my close friend and my another close friend. Biologically, 37 is not really much for a man - but there are of course factors other than biology.

I suspect you may live under high social pressure about family matters. Social pressure sucks.

^
That seems to be the crux of the matter - do you actually want to get married and have children or do others make you feel inadequate for not having that type of life?

If that's actually what you want, you can still do it, although it would take concentrating all your resources towards it. I had my first child in my mid-40s, by choice.

If that's not what you want, you need to start telling people to piss off and mind their own business. Once you get the hang of it, it can be very satisfying and saves you a lot of headaches. The worst choice you can possibly make in life is to try to live the way other people want you to.

More about social pressure:

I remember reading an interview with a truck driver who frequently drove to Turkey and back to Poland. He said, Turkish truck drivers socialize by showing each other photos of their children on their phones - and each of them has six children or so.

If Lebanon is even slightly like this, no wonder you feel an outcast for not being married at 37.

^
There's a lot more you can do for/with your kids.

But do you actually want kids?

It takes a lot of hard work, patience and sacrifices to do a decent job and TBH a lot of the people I've met who just had them because "that's what you're supposed to do" are pretty miserable.