Things You’ve Learned About Dating Through Experience

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TwilightPrincess
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20 May 2019, 9:19 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
I don't have the greatest teeth----and I'm certainly not a drug addict!


Some of this “advice” isn’t meant to be taken too seriously. I’m sure you have attributes that more than make up for not having the “greatest teeth.”

I’m very glad to hear that you aren’t a drug addict. :P


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Fnord
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20 May 2019, 9:38 am

Always have the cost of cab fare on hand.



TwilightPrincess
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20 May 2019, 10:35 am

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
Twilightprincess wrote:
Try to keep the conversation positive.

Don’t talk about how crazy, awful, or narcissistic you think your family is. The date won’t be sure if the problem is your family or you.

If it's the first date or early in the relationship, then I'd agree, but eventually background, family, your life story, etc are things that should be discussed imo. You can learn a ton about someone through their history and childhood.


This thread is primarily talking about initial dates before a couple is in a relationship.


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The_Face_of_Boo
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20 May 2019, 11:14 am

That is only relevant for an abnormally short guy (I am 161 cm), so in my case a lot of women are taller than me:

In online dating, in case she is not putting her height info, the first question I ask after she replies is: how tall are you? and of course she would ask the same back.

That saved me a lot of time and from meeting women who would certainly get awkwardly disappointed (it shows extremely obvious on their face).



hurtloam
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20 May 2019, 11:19 am

Most men aren't really interested and there's no point making an effort to try and keep their attention. I'm never making allowances for "shyness" ever again.



hurtloam
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20 May 2019, 11:22 am

Fnord wrote:
Look at the other person's teeth. They will tell more than their hands or eyes.

Straight & Clean: All of the orthodontia has been paid for. No smoking. Regular brushing and flossing.

Crooked: Expect future earnings to be spent on orthodontia.

Yellow: Infrequent brushing, and/or frequent smoking.

Missing: Expensive dentures and bridges are in her future.

Broken & Chipped: Possible drug abuse. Smoking crack and meth ruins teeth.



But I live in the UK...



Fnord
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20 May 2019, 11:26 am

What I've learned is never assume that your date is really interested in you on the first date...

One of the more puzzling, disappointing and frustrating dating experiences for men is having women who seem to be interested in them disappear suddenly and unexpectedly. You go out with a girl on a date, who seems to really like you and you even make plans to do things the next time you see each other, and then oops -- she doesn't return your texts or calls. It's hard for a male mind to understand what could possible drive this type of inconsistent behavior.

Among all possible reasons for this behavior, including being on a rebound, talking to a number of other guys, etc., the most common reason reason women disappear after acting interested is this -- they are not really interested in you in a first place. You might be saying – wait, but she was really into me on a date. But, just because the girl acted interested, doesn’t mean that she genuinely intended to get to know you. It’s very likely that she acts interested in every guy she meets, because she is playing the "numbers game" and she believes that coming across as excited and interested is the right way to act with every guy she meets, who she might be interested in, but who is not necessarily interested in now. In other words, acting interest is the proper, polite and strategically right to be "just in case".


More at: Why Women Disappear After Acting Very Interested.



TwilightPrincess
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20 May 2019, 11:27 am

hurtloam wrote:
Fnord wrote:
Look at the other person's teeth. They will tell more than their hands or eyes.

Straight & Clean: All of the orthodontia has been paid for. No smoking. Regular brushing and flossing.

Crooked: Expect future earnings to be spent on orthodontia.

Yellow: Infrequent brushing, and/or frequent smoking.

Missing: Expensive dentures and bridges are in her future.

Broken & Chipped: Possible drug abuse. Smoking crack and meth ruins teeth.



But I live in the UK...


LOL


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TwilightPrincess
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20 May 2019, 11:34 am

Fnord wrote:
What I've learned is never assume that your date is really interested in you on the first date...

One of the more puzzling, disappointing and frustrating dating experiences for men is having women who seem to be interested in them disappear suddenly and unexpectedly. You go out with a girl on a date, who seems to really like you and you even make plans to do things the next time you see each other, and then oops -- she doesn't return your texts or calls. It's hard for a male mind to understand what could possible drive this type of inconsistent behavior.

Among all possible reasons for this behavior, including being on a rebound, talking to a number of other guys, etc., the most common reason reason women disappear after acting interested is this -- they are not really interested in you in a first place. You might be saying – wait, but she was really into me on a date. But, just because the girl acted interested, doesn’t mean that she genuinely intended to get to know you. It’s very likely that she acts interested in every guy she meets, because she is playing the "numbers game" and she believes that coming across as excited and interested is the right way to act with every guy she meets, who she might be interested in, but who is not necessarily interested in now. In other words, acting interest is the proper, polite and strategically right to be "just in case".


More at: Why Women Disappear After Acting Very Interested.


I would be nice on a date because I wouldn’t want to be mean or hurt someone’s feelings. It wouldn’t have anything to do with a “just in case” scenario.

Of course, I also say in a nice way that I don’t think we’re compatible instead of leaving a guy hanging.


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The_Face_of_Boo
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20 May 2019, 11:35 am

hurtloam wrote:
Most men aren't really interested and there's no point making an effort to try and keep their attention. I'm never making allowances for "shyness" ever again.




I hate it how he sees any guy who doesn’t want something committed as bad/immature, what if he is honest about it and both don’t want anything committed.



hurtloam
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20 May 2019, 11:39 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
Most men aren't really interested and there's no point making an effort to try and keep their attention. I'm never making allowances for "shyness" ever again.




I hate it how he sees any guy who doesn’t want something committed as bad/immature, what if he is honest about it and both don’t want anything committed.


I think it's fine is they're honest that they don't want anything more.

What this guy is talking about is women who are looking for a relationship, but the men aren't telling them that's not what they want. If you're not on the same page, let them go!

It's best if everyone is upfront for sure.



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20 May 2019, 12:15 pm

I would "overdress" slightly, rather than "underdress" slightly.

Make sure I don't forget the deodorant! :P



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20 May 2019, 12:47 pm

Don't waste your time on those who play hard to get. It's best to get involved with the person who is just as into you as you are into them. If there is an imbalance of power on the first few dates, there will be an imbalance of power for the rest of your relationship and that's not healthy for either party.


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that1weirdgrrrl
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20 May 2019, 2:43 pm

Set out to enjoy getting to know a new person, and have fun. I have noticed the less pressure, the better things tend to go.

Also, having a backup plan in case you get stood up is a great idea....


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TwilightPrincess
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20 May 2019, 3:04 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
I would "overdress" slightly, rather than "underdress" slightly.

Make sure I don't forget the deodorant! :P


It also helps to remember to brush one’s hair.

When I want to go all out, I brush my teeth, too.


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jimmy m
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20 May 2019, 3:06 pm

I didn't have much success for several years in dating. I kept getting my heart broken. Over and over again. I think I was confusing the term "Lust" with "Love". These two words have radically different meanings. But then I did what many Aspies do. I made a list. Yes, A List! I decided what I wanted in a mate - what I was looking for. This helped me narrow down my focus. I put it down in writing.

Then I took an analytical approach. I allow others, in this case my parents, to make suggestions. They came up with someone who met the qualifications I had written down. We were married less than 2 years later. It was a whirlwind adventure.


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