Do some women prefer violent men ?

Post Reply New Topic

In theory I'm fine with it. If it was done in a vacuum where people weren't damaged going into it, I don't think it would damage people.

In practice everyone I've seen with it has been using it as an excuse. The sub for self loathing and the dom for sadism. Safe sane and consensual is hard to enforce.

I used it as an excuse myself cos I was desperate for anyone to find me attractive. Semi-consensual, I let him do it but I didn't want to do it.

Also, what Kim said.

I think we mirror our relationships with partners on what we see the parent with the same gender as the partner doing. I keep ending up with lovely girlfriends and horrible boyfriends. Not all men are like that, just the ones I find myself with. My mum was a nurturer and my dad was abusive.

Obviously most women don't want a man who's violent towards them, and many of the women who are with men who are violent towards them didn't enter into that relationship with the knowledge that their partner would perpetrate violence against them.

There are some women who find the idea of being with a violent criminal attractive, but I'm sure that they get with such guys with the expectation that they'll use their violence to defend rather than attack their girlfriends.

The vast majority of women who are in abusive relationships didn’t know the guy would be abusive when they first started dating him. They stay for a variety of reasons but not because they like it.

They are the rare exceptions who like drama, though, but even they would get tired of being hurt pretty quickly.

Some people grew up in abusive families & have emotional issues like codependency. I think the Jill Sobule song So Kind explains it alittle

That's the most poorly thought out question I've ever read. There are women who are afraid of men and relationships, because of violent men. I know one of those women. They're scared for a very good reason.

This

Unfortunately when women are attracted to those types those guys will often end up being violent. But that was NOT what the were originally wanting.


This too. There are many men who will "treat them like a princess" but once they have them or are married to them, they will treat the woman like junk.


Essentially you're right. There's either some unbalance within the woman or she gets suckered in some guy, that then emotionally and mentally beats her down to where she will likely end up staying with him even after he gives her a black eye.


Ayup. We tend to go after what we know. If what we know is abusive we will likely seek it out subconsciously in the people we keep close. People who are not mentally and emotionally healthy are far in a way more likely to end up in a violent relationship.

No one likes and seeks someone that is going to be violent with them if they are a healthy individual.

The latter is true if the partners met as isolated individuals on a dating app or something.

It's much easier to enforce if you are part of an organized local BDSM subculture. Those who aren't "safe sane and consensual" get bad reputations very fast.

The ones that do are morons.

This.

Fantasy and reality are very different things. When I fantasize about mild violence it's very pleasing, it's my fetish.
But when something like that happens with the man I'm with, it's a horrible feeling and kills trust. Some people may get confused about a woman's real character, but I noticed violent things are bad even to violent girls.

I asked my s/o to do a sort of mild bdsm and after years he has decided to try some out, but my real perception dislikes it much more than in my fantasies. I have limits to what I can take and oftentimes pushing them feels bad.

I dated a lot of violent men, but only stayed because they seemed kind once in a lifetime. Sometimes the mafia feeling was mood-boosting, but in truth that was only a facade for my misery and a "pleasure fix" I very well was aware of but couldn't accept enough to change. I also liked to be the only one who can keep a man as bad as he is and love him [but that wasn't true, he had tons of other foolish women on the side]. My bestie tried a lot of relationships with narcs but they are never honest, even if she only wanted honesty and to let them cheat and do what they wanted. Anyhow, luckily I eventually got over the bad guys. My use of this skill is much better served for kind autistic people who can't easily be accepted.

There is such a thing as trauma bonding. When you get continuously treated bad an unhealthy attachment with tendencies to defend your abuser forms. This thing is awfully hard to escape from.

Also Stockholm syndrome: feelings of trust or affection felt in many cases of kidnapping or hostage-taking by a victim towards a captor.

I believe there is a reason why fictional character types like the anti-hero and the femme fatale are so popular. Some people like dangerous individuals, as evidenced by the way a lot of people fetishize serial killers and the like.

Whoa Mona! you girls never cease to surprise me

I think to answer the OP's question the answer is "yes". The general interpretation on this thread is correct but not the specifics.

I think many of the women who choose violent men carry similar personality types to their mothers and find themselves drawn to the same type of aggressive men as their fathers. I agree they don't marry a specific man expecting to get beaten up but they often find they end up in the same type of relationship each time.

Some women do enjoy pain in intimate relationships (obviously it's not that unusual) and may accidentally find themselves in the grip of a controlling violent man.

The remainder have no inkling and innocently find themselves with a male psychopath who hides his violent tendencies.

Males have selectively evolved over thousands of years to be more aggressive and violent than average. Only the most violent and ruthless survived and passed on their progeny. Women naturally have evolved to be drawn to these types in order to produce strong children.

I think the last 100-200 years of industrialisation has seen a population explosion and a dilution of sociopaths and psychopaths but their genes are still there.

Yeah my experience was as a kid who was legal but not legal in the US with another kid who was same (we were 16 and 17), we met at school and he wanted to copy what he'd seen in porn. I was too desperate to be wanted to say 'no'.

I think the age of consent in the UK is ok but it should be higher for BDSM, it carries more responsibility for the dom and hurts the sub more if it goes wrong than regular safe sex carries responsibilities or hurts if it goes wrong.

Generally speaking, women do not prefer violent men. Here are some reasons why a few stay with violent men:

- Financial needs
- Emotional manipulation
- The man breaks down their social network and isolates them
- Insecurities (eg. they think they don't deserve better or that they deserve being treated badly)

Here's why many teenage girls like as*holes, but eventually grow out of it:

- Society tells girls it's not OK to release your anger. Dating a wannabe gangster who talks big (but would s**t his pants if things got dangerous) is a good plan B
- Music videos, reality shows and teenage movies tell them that this is cool

There's a better Darwinian explanation; high Testosterone level boosts boosts certain masculine traits attractive to women, but it's a double edged sword, it makes men more aggressive.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3693622/

Numerous studies where testosterone were given to men did not find any link between that an aggression. I'm a former steroid user and it never made me aggressive in any way whatsoever.