23 Aug 2019, 6:44 pm
23 Aug 2019, 9:03 pm
rdos wrote:
However, smiling has no place in ND courtship. Smiling is aggression since you bar your teeth and threat to bite somebody, and this is so in every primate species except NT humans.
Only if you are NT. Talking is last in ND courtship. Once you have established "contact" with the look-lookaway game the next step is the observation stage. So, if you do this at a large public place, and don't know the person, then you cannot go on to the observation stage. Thus, if you want to do this seriously, it should be with people you can meet again, like in shared activities or something like that.
UnlikelySurface wrote:
If two or three look-lookaways happen and both parties smiled in at least the last one, somebody should then take the initiative, move to within conversational range (an inch or two farther than arms-reach is good) and introduce themself. Small talk is the next step.
Only if you are NT. Talking is last in ND courtship. Once you have established "contact" with the look-lookaway game the next step is the observation stage. So, if you do this at a large public place, and don't know the person, then you cannot go on to the observation stage. Thus, if you want to do this seriously, it should be with people you can meet again, like in shared activities or something like that.
Ok, so I am showing my ignorance of ND courtship; I am new here, and only recently figured out that I am ND. So all of my experience is figuring out the NT patterns and emulating them just as in all other areas of life. Is there an authoritative reference to ND courtship methods? I am not sure which parts will be applicable, comfortable, or usable for me and which parts may not be, but I'm excited to learn more because if nothing else it's an anthropology exercise.
Side question: Is there a semi-reliable way to recognize ND/NT people visually at range? Something similar to what (in the 80s when people couldn't openly express non-hetero preferences) we used to call "gaydar"?
24 Aug 2019, 2:21 am
UnlikelySurface wrote:
rdos wrote:
However, smiling has no place in ND courtship. Smiling is aggression since you bar your teeth and threat to bite somebody, and this is so in every primate species except NT humans.
Only if you are NT. Talking is last in ND courtship. Once you have established "contact" with the look-lookaway game the next step is the observation stage. So, if you do this at a large public place, and don't know the person, then you cannot go on to the observation stage. Thus, if you want to do this seriously, it should be with people you can meet again, like in shared activities or something like that.
UnlikelySurface wrote:
If two or three look-lookaways happen and both parties smiled in at least the last one, somebody should then take the initiative, move to within conversational range (an inch or two farther than arms-reach is good) and introduce themself. Small talk is the next step.
Only if you are NT. Talking is last in ND courtship. Once you have established "contact" with the look-lookaway game the next step is the observation stage. So, if you do this at a large public place, and don't know the person, then you cannot go on to the observation stage. Thus, if you want to do this seriously, it should be with people you can meet again, like in shared activities or something like that.
Ok, so I am showing my ignorance of ND courtship; I am new here, and only recently figured out that I am ND. So all of my experience is figuring out the NT patterns and emulating them just as in all other areas of life. Is there an authoritative reference to ND courtship methods? I am not sure which parts will be applicable, comfortable, or usable for me and which parts may not be, but I'm excited to learn more because if nothing else it's an anthropology exercise.
Side question: Is there a semi-reliable way to recognize ND/NT people visually at range? Something similar to what (in the 80s when people couldn't openly express non-hetero preferences) we used to call "gaydar"?
Just pointing out that this ND courtship thing is something the majority of people on this forum (who are presumably ND) do not agree with rodos on. If you let him explain about ND relationships you'll get a lot about telepathy (which he does not call telepathy but mind to mind connection) and how bad it is to talk verbally.
If what he describes sounds like it would work for you, great. It is not something generally agreed upon by all (presumably mostly ND) people on this forum though.
24 Aug 2019, 6:20 am
NorthWind wrote:
Just pointing out that this ND courtship thing is something the majority of people on this forum (who are presumably ND) do not agree with rodos on. If you let him explain about ND relationships you'll get a lot about telepathy (which he does not call telepathy but mind to mind connection) and how bad it is to talk verbally.
If what he describes sounds like it would work for you, great. It is not something generally agreed upon by all (presumably mostly ND) people on this forum though.
If what he describes sounds like it would work for you, great. It is not something generally agreed upon by all (presumably mostly ND) people on this forum though.
Thank you for that information. I presume that your knowledge of what will be said is based on what has been said in the past, and if so, a link to the past discussion could save rdos the trouble of typing it again for my benefit.
I'm mostly just curious to learn a new perspective, not saying I will instantly adopt it as my own.
24 Aug 2019, 12:29 pm
UnlikelySurface wrote:
NorthWind wrote:
Just pointing out that this ND courtship thing is something the majority of people on this forum (who are presumably ND) do not agree with rodos on. If you let him explain about ND relationships you'll get a lot about telepathy (which he does not call telepathy but mind to mind connection) and how bad it is to talk verbally.
If what he describes sounds like it would work for you, great. It is not something generally agreed upon by all (presumably mostly ND) people on this forum though.
If what he describes sounds like it would work for you, great. It is not something generally agreed upon by all (presumably mostly ND) people on this forum though.
Thank you for that information. I presume that your knowledge of what will be said is based on what has been said in the past, and if so, a link to the past discussion could save rdos the trouble of typing it again for my benefit.
I'm mostly just curious to learn a new perspective, not saying I will instantly adopt it as my own.I've mostly not been around here for quite some time and the most lengthy conversations about these topics may be buried deep now. It's a reoccurring topic and comes up in many threads though. If you stick around I'm sure you'll come across it. He mightn't mind explaining it to you again too. I just thought I'd point out that it is a controversial topic. Maybe I'll look for past conversations and come back to this, but it'd take me a while to find them and right now I don't have the time.
24 Aug 2019, 1:18 pm
NorthWind wrote:
UnlikelySurface wrote:
NorthWind wrote:
Just pointing out that this ND courtship thing is something the majority of people on this forum (who are presumably ND) do not agree with rodos on. If you let him explain about ND relationships you'll get a lot about telepathy (which he does not call telepathy but mind to mind connection) and how bad it is to talk verbally.
If what he describes sounds like it would work for you, great. It is not something generally agreed upon by all (presumably mostly ND) people on this forum though.
If what he describes sounds like it would work for you, great. It is not something generally agreed upon by all (presumably mostly ND) people on this forum though.
Thank you for that information. I presume that your knowledge of what will be said is based on what has been said in the past, and if so, a link to the past discussion could save rdos the trouble of typing it again for my benefit.
I'm mostly just curious to learn a new perspective, not saying I will instantly adopt it as my own.I've mostly not been around here for quite some time and the most lengthy conversations about these topics may be buried deep now. It's a reoccurring topic and comes up in many threads though. If you stick around I'm sure you'll come across it. He mightn't mind explaining it to you again too. I just thought I'd point out that it is a controversial topic. Maybe I'll look for past conversations and come back to this, but it'd take me a while to find them and right now I don't have the time.
rdos can give you more concise information on his views but here's a long conversation about this topic that took place a year ago: viewtopic.php?f=6&t=368088&start=150
Warning, it's a pretty argumentative thread and originally not about this topic. The discussion about ND courtship seems to start on page 11 and the first explanation of what rdos means comes on page 12.
And a more recent one: viewtopic.php?f=6&t=378958&start=60
Less argumentative but goes less into rdos personal experiences. Again the initial topic was another and it is sprinkled into this conversation.
24 Aug 2019, 2:47 pm
UnlikelySurface wrote:
Ok, so I am showing my ignorance of ND courtship; I am new here, and only recently figured out that I am ND. So all of my experience is figuring out the NT patterns and emulating them just as in all other areas of life. Is there an authoritative reference to ND courtship methods? I am not sure which parts will be applicable, comfortable, or usable for me and which parts may not be, but I'm excited to learn more because if nothing else it's an anthropology exercise.
No, there are no sources at all. Everybody still believes that NTs and NDs have the same relationship preferences and that dating & talking works for everybody. At least that is the impression you get when reading this forum.
Still, it would be a lot better if more guys here used the look-lookaway method BEFORE asking a girl out, as that would lower their failure rate considerably. I think that is true even if they actually use smiling, small-talk and asking for a date.
UnlikelySurface wrote:
Side question: Is there a semi-reliable way to recognize ND/NT people visually at range? Something similar to what (in the 80s when people couldn't openly express non-hetero preferences) we used to call "gaydar"?
The best method I know is the look-lookaway game. In my experience, girls that respond to that typically are NDs, and so using that works well as a filter. You could check for smiling (if a guy smiles naturally he likely is NT), and if he easily starts with smalltalk he likely is NT too (although he could have learnt that very well too). Still, if you get into a conversation with him you could use other criteria to detect if he is ND.
24 Aug 2019, 2:50 pm
24 Aug 2019, 3:05 pm
UnlikelySurface wrote:
Thank you for that information. I presume that your knowledge of what will be said is based on what has been said in the past, and if so, a link to the past discussion could save rdos the trouble of typing it again for my benefit. I'm mostly just curious to learn a new perspective, not saying I will instantly adopt it as my own.
I'm mostly just curious to learn a new perspective, not saying I will instantly adopt it as my own.I'm not sure I have all the information yet, but I think I know the basics. It starts with some kind of interest display, like the look-lookaway game. It then continues as an observation game where you observe your love interest without talking or making contact (which is why ND guys have so much trouble making verbal contact with girls they fancy). Another purpose of having no verbal communication is to force the brain to setup a mind-to-mind communication link. Once you have that, you can send & receive feelings, and with some practice also have "conversations" (which is why many NDs have alexithymia and prefer to just know what their partner feels & thinks). I think this also can explain why both asexuality and hypersexuality are more common for NDs (the mind-to-mind communication link makes sex a lot more pleasurable, even at a distance). It also can explain why NDs have much stronger & longer infatuations (it's infatuation that makes NDs put down a lot of effort on their love interest). The infatuation tends to "crash" when people date, which creates a shallow bond (The infatuation is supposed to end when the mind-to-mind communication is well established).
24 Aug 2019, 4:04 pm
NorthWind wrote:
rdos can give you more concise information on his views but here's a long conversation about this topic that took place a year ago: viewtopic.php?f=6&t=368088&start=150
Warning, it's a pretty argumentative thread and originally not about this topic. The discussion about ND courtship seems to start on page 11 and the first explanation of what rdos means comes on page 12.
And a more recent one: viewtopic.php?f=6&t=378958&start=60
Less argumentative but goes less into rdos personal experiences. Again the initial topic was another and it is sprinkled into this conversation.
Warning, it's a pretty argumentative thread and originally not about this topic. The discussion about ND courtship seems to start on page 11 and the first explanation of what rdos means comes on page 12.
And a more recent one: viewtopic.php?f=6&t=378958&start=60
Less argumentative but goes less into rdos personal experiences. Again the initial topic was another and it is sprinkled into this conversation.
Thank you very much for the links, I'm sorry as I didn't intend to prompt you to dig through the forums for a year-old post. I thought you might just have the link handy or be able to say "it's that topic in <some subforum> with the subject <subjectline>" or whatever. I'll buy you a beverage of your choice if we ever meet in person.
rdos wrote:
Another purpose of having no verbal communication is to force the brain to setup a mind-to-mind communication link. Once you have that, you can send & receive feelings, and with some practice also have "conversations"
Thanks for that description of your idea. It was interesting to read.
Combined with the conversations linked by NorthWind, I now have all the information I will ever need on this subject. Sorry if I semi-derailed the thread by asking.
24 Aug 2019, 5:19 pm
24 Aug 2019, 5:20 pm
UnlikelySurface wrote:
Thank you very much for the links, I'm sorry as I didn't intend to prompt you to dig through the forums for a year-old post. I thought you might just have the link handy or be able to say "it's that topic in <some subforum> with the subject <subjectline>" or whatever. I'll buy you a beverage of your choice if we ever meet in person.
Thanks for that description of your idea. It was interesting to read.
rdos wrote:
Another purpose of having no verbal communication is to force the brain to setup a mind-to-mind communication link. Once you have that, you can send & receive feelings, and with some practice also have "conversations"
Thanks for that description of your idea. It was interesting to read.
Aww pet, you're not telepathic... no one is
24 Aug 2019, 5:27 pm
hurtloam wrote:
UnlikelySurface wrote:
Thank you very much for the links, I'm sorry as I didn't intend to prompt you to dig through the forums for a year-old post. I thought you might just have the link handy or be able to say "it's that topic in <some subforum> with the subject <subjectline>" or whatever. I'll buy you a beverage of your choice if we ever meet in person.
Thanks for that description of your idea. It was interesting to read.
rdos wrote:
Another purpose of having no verbal communication is to force the brain to setup a mind-to-mind communication link. Once you have that, you can send & receive feelings, and with some practice also have "conversations"
Thanks for that description of your idea. It was interesting to read.
Aww pet, you're not telepathic... no one is
Wish I could read women’s minds to see if any like me then I could try talking to them
24 Aug 2019, 5:28 pm
sly279 wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
UnlikelySurface wrote:
Thank you very much for the links, I'm sorry as I didn't intend to prompt you to dig through the forums for a year-old post. I thought you might just have the link handy or be able to say "it's that topic in <some subforum> with the subject <subjectline>" or whatever. I'll buy you a beverage of your choice if we ever meet in person.
Thanks for that description of your idea. It was interesting to read.
rdos wrote:
Another purpose of having no verbal communication is to force the brain to setup a mind-to-mind communication link. Once you have that, you can send & receive feelings, and with some practice also have "conversations"
Thanks for that description of your idea. It was interesting to read.
Aww pet, you're not telepathic... no one is
Wish I could read women’s minds to see if any like me then I could try talking to them
It would be jolly handy wouldn't. It would save so much time. It would spare so much heartache.
25 Aug 2019, 7:37 am
UnlikelySurface wrote:
NorthWind wrote:
rdos can give you more concise information on his views but here's a long conversation about this topic that took place a year ago: viewtopic.php?f=6&t=368088&start=150
Warning, it's a pretty argumentative thread and originally not about this topic. The discussion about ND courtship seems to start on page 11 and the first explanation of what rdos means comes on page 12.
And a more recent one: viewtopic.php?f=6&t=378958&start=60
Less argumentative but goes less into rdos personal experiences. Again the initial topic was another and it is sprinkled into this conversation.
Warning, it's a pretty argumentative thread and originally not about this topic. The discussion about ND courtship seems to start on page 11 and the first explanation of what rdos means comes on page 12.
And a more recent one: viewtopic.php?f=6&t=378958&start=60
Less argumentative but goes less into rdos personal experiences. Again the initial topic was another and it is sprinkled into this conversation.
Thank you very much for the links, I'm sorry as I didn't intend to prompt you to dig through the forums for a year-old post. I thought you might just have the link handy or be able to say "it's that topic in <some subforum> with the subject <subjectline>" or whatever. I'll buy you a beverage of your choice if we ever meet in person.
No worries. Ultimately it didn't take me long to find it. As I've only sporadically been active on this forum in quite some time, it didn't take long to find it in my own post history. I merely wasn't sure in advance if I'd be able to find it in a reasonable time.
26 Aug 2019, 4:12 am
