"You don't need a partner to be happy"

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I can't answer those questions. I'm not going to publicaly throw her under the bus... it wan't just a platitude.

It's like you're betraying the single independent women sisterhood. It's like they are saying: "How dare you think that my life is not good enough for you!" "If I don't have someone and I can get by I don't see why you should be so bothered about it."

I find that other single women tend to be much less supportive about finding a partner.

Last edited by hurtloam on 24 Aug 2019, 4:55 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Agreed.

I'm happy enough, so I'm looking for a partner, a friend, someone I respect, someone who shares and equal attraction and respect, not a warm body.

I find that people (women) will immediately jump to chastising another single woman who is looking for a partner with things like: "it's better to be alone that with the wrong person".

Well of course! I'm not desperate. I'm not going to marry the first guy that comes along just to wear a badge of being married. I'm not an idiot.

That's what annoys me. The supposition that if you want a partner you must be totally desperate and a stupid niave idiot! Not all single people who want a partner are stupid, desperate idiots who don't understand that making the wrong choice can have a negative impact on our lives.

We want a good person, not just an anybody.

I do wonder if the people who tell us singletons this were incredibly niave when they were younger and did just get into a serious relationship with the first person who asked them.

Newsflash, I'm 37 not a niave 20 year old you!!

(Teach I just re-read this. I'm not directing my "I'm not you" comment at you, just the general women who are always saying this. I quoted you because I agree with you.)

Last edited by hurtloam on 24 Aug 2019, 5:27 pm, edited 1 time in total.

You should be happy homless and starving
You should be happy you have cancer
You should be happy you lost your legs
You should be happy your kid died.

All are similar horrible things to say to.
And it’s alwahs said by people who have what you want or what you lost. It’s a way of saying shut up, stop complaining your ruing my vibe.

I will never be happy alone.

Being alone is not the same as:

Being homeless

Having cancer

Having your kid die

Losing your legs.



I’m blessed that I’m not in any of those 4 situations.


It totally sucks to be alone. I’ve experienced this feeling. I’m not dismissing it.

I get what you're saying, but I don't think people mean you should be happy that you have x,y or z problem in your life.

They're saying that you can find ways to cope with it and still enjoy life.

With the exception of cancer which can often be treated, all-be-it through a gruelling process, these things can't be fixed.

It's better not to dwell on the bad that one has no control over and not let it consume your life or rob you of the happiness that you can have.

We have different perspectives on this. My thread is about people thinking that my attitude is as extreme as yours, when it's not. It's like they don't listen to me or care who I really am. They don't see me, they see you.

I'm trying not to be condescending, but I don't agree that relationships are a magic that makes sad people happy. I don't think the pursuit of one should be the main goal of one's life. I think they are only an extra good and can be great with the right person.

I should have called this thread, "stop assuming I'm miserable and desperate because my heart hurts due to losing a lovely friend who I fell in love with."... but that diesnt fit in the box.

I think that you have possible ways within your grasp to find happiness on your own, but I also would like to see you in a loving relationship. I don't wish for you to forgo romantic love, but i want you to enjoy yourself whilst you wait for it.

I'm happy enough, but it is like i want a little add-on if you will. I think a good relationship would enhance my already relatively good life, not magically fix it or make it truly livable; because I dont need to fix anything.

Yes, I have trouble connecting to people. I have very superficial relationships with a lot of people, but dont NTs, maybe im masking after-all.

I want more than anything to be understood and to be accepted as myself, that upsets me, that's why I write on here a lot. I'm not lying when I say I'm happy, I'm happy despite the things that sometimes make me sad, like the loneliness I feel when i know I'm not connecting to people well. Im always on the outside of people.

But I can go for walks in the countryside and enjoy it and that's pretty amazing.

Yes it is for me, please don’t try to tell me how I should feel and how others have it worse. It’s just as bad I’d rather be homeless with a gf then lonely with a home.

Quite possibly the greatest and most truthful post ever, you nail it sometimes man.

"I'm trying not to be condescending, but I don't agree that relationships are a magic that makes sad people happy. I don't think the pursuit of one should be the main goal of one's life. I think they are only an extra good and can be great with the right person."


Precisely. Even after getting a partner, an inherently unhappy person- after an initial high- will become unhappy and dissatisfied again unless h/she examines and addresses the underlying issues. A relationship is not a cure.

.

Last edited by sly279 on 24 Aug 2019, 6:33 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Not if the sole and only source of unhappiness is not having a partner. Nick is proof your wrong, they’ve don’t studies. I’m proof. When I’m dating or even just chatting with a woman romantically it’s light and day compared to how I’m sad now.

There’s not underlying issues. Why can’t you accept that so,e people are just not happy being alone and that’s the only reason they depressed? Don’t see this agenda with regards to other reasons of depression.
Relationships are a basic human desire.

Having terrible day and this section isn’t helping so I’m going try avoiding it.

Oh yeah, I know that happy feeling when you feel a lot of affection for someone, you enjoy their company and everything seems to be going well. It's awesome. I really love it. That's why I never give up on love. I enjoy it.

But... there are other happiness that you can enjoy in between those times too.

The rejection is soul crushing and it hurts a lot. Eventually I'll be over this guy and I won't start crying when I think about how the good times with him are over. Maybe I'll completely stop thinking about him. I don't know.

But I've had a fun day today... without him... without romance... with people who are just my friends and acquaintances.

Maybe I'll be sad again next time I see him. I really, really like him. But I'll have other fun days without him too. I don't need him to be happy. I don't need whoever is around the corner. I can be happy now.

You can too.

That's a crappy thing to say to someone who's experiencing a loss or rejection, also a bit condescending. Almost saying you SHOULDN'T have a partner and shouldn't feel bad about being rejected...

I do think it's important to know how to be happy on your own, without others. For your own mental health(And independence), and for the mental health of the people you date. Having someone isn't a way to shoulder off your problems, after all. But that doesn't mean you should go it alone just because you can be happy that way. Loneliness is a thing(of course). And like you said, having someone to share happiness with is a boon.

I believe it's;

Can't live with them...


Can't kill them.

I didn't necessarily mean those questions to be answered. They were semi-rhetorical.

It merely wasn't my personal experience with most (single) women I meet in real life that they take another's want to be in a relationship personal. Granted, it is not a topic I talk about much in real life.

I know quite a few women like that. So much so that I've come on here to talk about my love life because all I get from people in real life is head shaking, and "why bother". Some who have been in bad relationships, some who no men are ever interested in. They've got to the point where they just don't see the point anymore, all they've ever recieved from men is hurt.

Married women tend not to want to hang out with me, so these are the friends I have. Very rarely does anyone in our social circle date. Men just aren't interested in women like us. Men over 30 want their freedom and women are fun for a bit, but just too much of a huge burden for them to be bothered with as far as I can see.

Yes, that's exactly what I think of women too.