Complimenting a lady, where do I go from there?

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Outsider85
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03 Sep 2019, 9:22 pm

I still don’t get what the statistics mean.



IsabellaLinton
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03 Sep 2019, 9:32 pm

Have you actually introduced yourself? "Hi, I'm __________ . Have you worked here long?".

That's the next logical step in getting to know her.


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Outsider85
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03 Sep 2019, 9:43 pm

She doesn’t really talk to me all that much.



IsabellaLinton
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03 Sep 2019, 9:43 pm

Outsider85 wrote:
I still don’t get what the statistics mean.


Those statistics are the results that Magna received when doing various online tests for Autism.
Some people display those results, in case other people are curious.


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IsabellaLinton
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03 Sep 2019, 9:51 pm

Outsider85 wrote:
She doesn’t really talk to me all that much.


If there were a man at my work walking around smiling at me and calling me pretty and radiant, I likely wouldn't talk to him much either. I would a) be expecting him to introduce himself, or b) be creeped out. I don't think she's creeped out, because she's smiling back at you, but at some point you need to introduce yourself. By talking to her you will realise she's a real person with a personality, rather than just a radiant mystery woman in pretty clothes.


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Outsider85
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03 Sep 2019, 9:59 pm

I’m nervous. Because I’m afraid to get into a possible relationship. I got out of a long term one last year and I got hurt. I did a lot for my ex and it turned out her eight cats were more important to her than me.



Outsider85
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03 Sep 2019, 10:01 pm

When that happened I felt like I took some hard core damage all over inside. My anger level was also high up.



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03 Sep 2019, 10:06 pm

Outsider85 wrote:
When that happened I felt like I took some hard core damage all over inside. My anger level was also high up.


Everybody's different, yo. Don't be afraid of giving it another try.


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emmasma
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04 Sep 2019, 4:45 am

Dont compliment her. Ask her questions about something she is knowledgeable about. Everyone likes to feel important and smart.

Something simple like do you know where this is? If you dont know her well, so she notices you. Or something more advanced if you are more familiar with her.

Compliments sometimes make people uncomfortable and especially from a man can make the situation awkward or defensive if it doesn't come off correctly or if she is inherently self conscious or suspicious.



Outsider85
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04 Sep 2019, 5:13 am

I did ask her where DVDS were once.



Outsider85
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04 Sep 2019, 5:56 am

My mother and I had a talk about me not being cut out for relationships. She agreed that I wasn’t. Now I’m thinking that she doesn’t see the kindness that I do in this world. She told me I’m selfish. She should talk. I have done a lot for my family and I’m not given credit, where credit is due.



Outsider85
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04 Sep 2019, 5:33 pm

Would it be stupid for me to leave a note with my number at her desk or is that a bad idea?



CubsBullsBears
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04 Sep 2019, 5:41 pm

Outsider85 wrote:
Would it be stupid for me to leave a note with my number at her desk or is that a bad idea?


You're one of so many customers she comes across at the library, so that's not a good idea.

I've done that before, and it's never led to anything good.


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IsabellaLinton
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04 Sep 2019, 5:44 pm

Outsider85 wrote:
Would it be stupid for me to leave a note with my number at her desk or is that a bad idea?


Don't do that. Introduce yourself. She won't want to call your number if she's never even spoken to you before. Giving your number says "I'm too scared to talk to you, but you should go out of your comfort zone and contact me! You can do the work". I don't understand why you don't introduce yourself. Asking for a date is way down the list after getting to know her by talking several times.


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Magna
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04 Sep 2019, 9:01 pm

I'm still hung up on the fact that we don't know if she's married. I know there's not an absolute way for him to tell without asking her outright or asking someone who knows her, but looking for a ring is a logical thing to at least base an assumption on.

Say for example, in reality the woman is clearly wearing a wedding/engagement ring but like most men (myself included), he hasn't noticed it nor has he thought to this point to look for one. If she's wearing a ring and we can therefore at least assume she's married, then although I'm all for mental fantasies and daydreams, attempting any communication with the purpose of dating the woman is pointless.



IsabellaLinton
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04 Sep 2019, 9:18 pm

^

I'm assuming that if he introduces himself and talks to her, she'll know that he's interested. If she isn't interested in him, or if she is already in a relationship, she'll let him know that she is married or has a boyfriend. I agree that most young women who are engaged would want to wear their engagement ring, but who knows. He can't presume anything until he speaks to her. Playing guessing games or leaving a phone number are way too passive, and wouldn't attract her even if she were single.


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