I think I hate my potentially aspie ex (sorry if it's long)

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Wow this is dude is getting savaged by every reply.

P1R I can imagine why you're feeling bad,you liked this girl and then she just cut you off for what you would say was innocent stuff.

When the girl was sitting next to you and drinking your beer did any alarms go off in your mind? Really you were the passive person in the situation, it was the other girl being slightly innapropiate with someone else's boyfriend.

If you're in a relationship and there are other girls around....you really have to be on your guard huh.
Its brutal out there!! !!

I suppose the equivalent would be if I were at my gf's birthday and one of her male friends put his arm around her a bit.
It would depend on her reaction if she just politely endured it or told him to stop that would be great.

Would you say you got persuaded into going out with coworkers again? And was it really difficult to see your girlfriend during that second vacation week?

Last edited by WalkerTR on 26 Sep 2019, 1:36 pm, edited 1 time in total.

We don't know if he was passive. I find a situation hard to imagine where a person just starts drinking from a coworker's drink. Wouldn't that be rude? Maybe she asked him if she could have a sip or he offered it to her?

Well first of all, thanks for all the replies. As towards having problems with being dumped, I'm doing quite well, it's just the question "whatever happened to K?" becomes more frequent when your ex works in the same office building and you run into her every now and then.

As for those accusing me of my own emotional shortcoming, well yes! I am not very good dealing with social settings I haven't dealt with before, this was an issue I had in my early 20s that got much better. This was mainly the reason I came across this site years ago.

Personally I always had a fantastic, very open and honest relationship with this girl, it literally just went down the drain in a matter of 23 days (beginning from my birthday party where she was literally holding my hand most of the time), which always seemed weird and I remembered the whole thing catching up with friends who were visiting em form abroad.

To answer your question, I tend to be brutally honest and pass as rude due to this. However, in the context of my relationship, the reason I said such a thing was because during month dating this girl she did not seem to handle conflict well, be it with her family, boss or some other setting, I thought her personality made it easier for other people to take advantage of her and I didn't like that because I always wanted the best for her, even when put up against me. Given the general dynamic and sense of humor in the relationship, I believe she probably took it as something well intended phrased as a joke.

This was actually put into practice due her getting a mild urinary infection, which in her own words prompted "doubt that I wouldn't want to be with her because she was defective", which was of course absurd given my level of commitment.

Anyhow, not really looking for any specific answers here, it's just the possibility of my ex being somewhat autistic was something I never gave really much thought back then, because she didn't, but looking back it seems pretty plausible.

She could have just done it without asking, like how a girl will spontaneously take someone's hat off and start wearing it in a club

Wot happened OP?

Haha, the whole beer thing was really weird. The girl who drank from my beer who was into me basically left the bar, but her and another co-worker's ride bailed on them so they went back inside the bar for 30 minutes. When the beer drinker came back she approached me and the only other guy she knew, since they were leaving soon, they didn't order anything so after 20 minutes she asked for a sip of my beer.

All this while I was holding my the GF's hand, rubbing her thigh o something. We were next to each other but talking to people on different sides of the table.

Bear in mind that I drink a lot of tea and usually give a sip so other people would try it in my office, so on a daily basis at least 4 people (GF and beer drinker) included could get a sip from my afternoon tea.

The whole thing was really strange and it took just 23 days from what should have been a really small fight to breaking up. When I was telling the story to some friends recently I just remembered how weird it was.

This and other somewhat puzzling behavior were some of the things that in hindsight lead me to think my ex was maybe on the spectrum and she didn't know.

Thanks for a the little support. As a matter of fact I was especially careful around other girls when I was with my ex because I always had a small suspicion she could be an aspie. During 6 months prior to "beer incident" I literally wouldn't let the "beer drinker" touch me or get near me.

I was not persuaded to go out with coworkers, I went out on my free will. However, this was pretty normal behavior during the relationship, a few times with my GF (not the going out drinking type) and sometimes without, but it wasn't a weekly thing and was never before a problem.

That second vacation week after returning from our trip on a Thursday this is what happened:
- I went out Friday with coworkers for a couple of hours (unpractical to ask ex to come) and her best work friend could "watch over me"
- Saturday I had a party with people from college, she couldn't have gone
- Ex called me early to go with her for "a thing" and to this day I don't know her plan that day, just hung up when I told her I was watching football. Played Smash Bros. all of Sunday
- Monday, boring work day. Though she did pass by the office to take care of some things
- Tuesday, boring work day. Though she did pass by the office to take care of some things
- Wednesday, boring work day
- Thursday, she was at a client party, I went out. We briefly saw each other in the afternoon, I literally wasn't letting her go cause she looked pretty. Later that same night she complained about not being invited to my 2 hour outing despite literally being busy at the time, and said "we need to talk for the first time"
- Friday I had an unavoidable office getaway. I would have loved to seen my Ex but got home at 9:30
- Saturday, we see each other, doesn't kiss me hello, after a brief fight we each go home. Later texts me we need to talk tomorrow in a very "I'm going to break up with you vibe"
- Sunday, "bring me back my stuff, meet you at the park" kind of text, then breakup

Aside from me being puzzled as to why she came to the office twice during her vacation, nothing weird happened. To this day I still don't know why she dumped me after a fantastic week away together.

BTW, I used the word "hate" too freely in the OP, dislike would be better. Which is also weird because I bear no resentment towards any exes due to a "she didn't do me wrong, nor viceversa" policy, so this is a first.

Last edited by P1R on 26 Sep 2019, 2:34 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Thanks for the extra detail.
Its weird how you two were not able to meet during that last week.
I assume you wanted to see her but that vacation you had together made you feel so secure in the relationship that you didn't find it necessary to put everything else on hold?
You said you loved her,she cut you off suddenly and now you have to see her all the time.That must be difficult.

I guess, if its any consolation you are wayy more social than she is so that wouldn't have been good in the long run.

Have you had any girlfriends who are as social as you are? Just wondering if 2 outgoing people can have a decent relationship. As the pairing of introvert/extrovert happens so often.

Literally my thinking at the time.

And yes, since I'm a NT and she could be on the spectrum, or at least had way less experience with heartbreak I assumed it was worse. However I've also heard of aspies that dust off breakups really easily.

I wouldn't call myself social, I prefer to be alone and stay at home playing video games most of the time, but try to go out and socialize because it's a necessary "skill" and it can be fun. The whole introvert GF seemed to be working really well until it just didn't.

My current GF is very outgoing so oddly enough she brings out more my "stay at home" side XD

It seems like people tell us to "just get over it" every other day. Maybe NTs should practice what they preach.

Pro tip: you are wasting energy being hateful.

Everyone at some point in their lives has no previous experience with heartbreaks, it's not an Aspie thing. At least when the first heartbreak comes at a later age maybe one is more emotionally mature than when one was a teenager in dealing with it?
Why do you think it was so bad? Was your first heartbreak especially bad? Do you even remember your first heartbreak now? Do you think first heartbreaks are especially bad? Why is a first heartbreak so important to the point where you even make a thread about someone elses potentially first heartbreak? I think one aspect why first heartbreaks could be perceived as especially bad for some is because one is in general very young when they happen. But she was almost 30 and probably more mentally stable.

I am sorry but I still don't know what you expect to hear? I think you aren't asking us what her feelings were - we can never know about her feelings, we can only know what you are telling us, and nothing more than that.
Instead I have the feeling you just want to vent your frustration you had while dating her and for us to agree with you. It is ok to vent, but after almost a year it is better to just forget about it. I think she's over it too and not interested anymore, and maybe already interested in someone else.

I am impressed at how well you recollect the details of each day of the last week of the relationship.

Last edited by Lely on 26 Sep 2019, 3:18 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Yeah its a shame. Personally I got over breakups easily cos I got used to having short relationships and didn't have much of a connection with them. I think I've only dated NT's
Your current GF isn't the beer drinker is she?

I've had to "get over it" quite a few times.

I made a mistake thinking that you dumped her. I should have read your OP more carefully.

I still stand by my advice to just "get over it," since you have another girlfriend.

This was a relationship from 7 years ago?? And someone you dated for 7 months?

Dude... what does it matter? Let it go.

I think getting over it and letting go are very difficult
But these things help:

1.being disillusioned, seeing something that makes you think you overrated her/the relationship
So this makes you feel somewhat better about it ending
2.time
3. Trying to figure out what went wrong
4.venting
5.knowing for an absolute fact that there is no chance of getting back together

I never said it wasn’t hard to “let it go.” It is hard. I didn’t “let it go” when I was younger.

I restrained myself...but I felt like I wanted to “prove my love” to this girl who dumped me by forcing my way around her, like some guys do in the movies.

I could have gotten arrested had I did what I wanted to do. Nothing violent, by the way. I had the sense to just quit while I was ahead.

No “other person” should ever determine how happy I am.