Approaching a girl with Aspergers

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Definitely ask her in person.

I would talk about her presentation for a little bit, tell her how much you like it, and that she's an interesting person. Then say you feel like you want to get to know her a little better, then ask her out for the coffee.

Hi everyone. So yesterday I attended an event called Not so Different and I really enjoyed it. the purpose of the event was to show how people who are neurodiverse can be intensely focused and creative at many different things and each person with ASD presented their individual projects which were all fascinating. I was enjoying the event until, suddenly, I noticed from across the room a girl who I found unbelievably beautiful. I got real nervous and avoided seeing her presentation until a few minutes my brother told me coincidentally “wait until you see this project!” He then brought me over to see her project and I was stunned. It was centred around her passion for music production (which has been my passion since I was 11) and her project centred around The Beatles! (My favourite band since I was 12, I had just listened to the white album before I went in to the event!) although I felt an urge to talk to her she seemed disinterested and looked down a lot and seemed ver shy, which didn’t help as I was extremely shy and didn’t say much either, my brother attempted to break the silence by mentioning I was in the process of building a recording studio (unaware I liked her) and she seemed to be a little more interested but then looked away again, so we walked away and Right next to her was a guy i went to school with and I got into a great conversation with him.

I never felt this way about a girl ever, I’m 19 and though my friends and siblings make fun I’ve never once felt something for the opposite sex as profoundly as I did for her. i got into contact with Not so Different as I intended to before I saw this girl as I was looking to seek help for pursuing my own career ambitions and I am going to email tomorrow to meet up sometime next week, as far as I know the group of ASD’s that were there are going to be there next week and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t relieved I’d see her again. Something is drawing me to this girl. I’m a big believer in faith and that same day I received what I saw as a sign from my mother who passed away this year and I used to say to her “is there something wrong with me? Because I don’t like girls.” And she’d reassure me the right girl would come along and this feels like the one. We’re both ASD, we both share the same passion, we both love the same band and, curious I looked her up on facebook and we even share a similar sense of social justice.

To be honest I was hoping to make friends here above all else and this girl is amazing, as much as I’m in love with her I also am just highly interested in her. I’m asking any girls with aspergers is her shyness and looking away a good or bad thing from your own experience? How do you think i should approach her again? If all else fails can I at least try to be her friend?

Hey man, thanks a lot for the advice. I'm getting a mix of "take it slow and be friends first" and "just go for it" and I honestly don't know what to do. Tomorrow i'm gonna go over her handout properly to read her project and I'll decide wether or not to email... I guess It wouldn't be any harm to just email and say I found her presentation interesting right? and if she does respond - or even respond positively I could strike a conversation when I might see her next week? to be honest I'm brutal at having a conversation to anyone over the phone, let alone a girl I like so i think I'll avoid that for now. Thanks man, I really hope she is into me because I haven't stopped thinking about her..

I find this analysis pretty amazing (in a bad way). It assumes this known to be neurodiverse woman is an expert at playing NT, which is mostly refuted by how she acts. Shyness and looking down in NDs is NOT an indicator that she finds you attractive. It's something we do towards strangers regardless of the situation more or less.

Actually, it is the reverse. Unless you can steal glances from an ND girl, she is not interested.

Uh oh.. well she did glance at me once for about 3 seconds (mississippi seconds) and then looked away again when I was talking to her. Thanks for the advice man, bit disappointed but, oh well... that's what I was thinking also (though not as harshly), this girl isn't neurotypical and as an aspie myself I know that I haven't thought of the signals I was giving as other neurotypicals would give. for e.g. I've been called many different variations of "gorgeous" by girls in the past (I'm not trying to boost my ego I'm just simply making a point) and I would just say "thank you" and walked away unaware that may have been a signal to make a move and if I'm being honest, I think it's because I didn't like anyone like i've liked this girl and that's why I'm seeking advice from an aspie woman specifically, though all the advice given here is instrumentally helpful although contradictory lol. Thanks to everyone who is even entertaining my dilemma honestly, I just want to do the right thing I really like this girl.

Usually if one party suspects unwanted romantic interest, they explain that they enjoy being friends but aren't looking for much more. In which case you can just reply, "that's great, I like hanging out with you as a friend as well!"

Either way, good luck!

Just come right out with it----and ask her if she wants to have coffee with you (you don't literally have to have coffee. "Having coffee" is sort of an euphemism for hanging out in a café with someone).

Sometimes, you just have to wing it. Asking a person to "have coffee" with you is not creepy in the least.

The only way you will find out--is if you ask her for coffee.

Otherwise, she'll just be a muse for you (which just might be okay if you're a poet).

Hi, yeah, you're right lol I can't believe I never thought to ask her out for coffee... I think I'd better ask in person though, rather than over email in case she doesn't remember me, I know if it was me being asked for coffee I'd rather be asked in person, but that's just me.

Definitely ask her in person.

I would talk about her presentation for a little bit, tell her how much you like it, and that she's an interesting person. Then say you feel like you want to get to know her a little better, then ask her out for the coffee.

If she rejects you, it might not mean that she actually "rejected" you. It might mean she's shy, or that she might like you, but might want to take it a little slower.

What I would do is to take it a little slower if this happens. Don't speak to her every day. Speak to her once in a while.

rdos is mistaken - do not worry.

There is no reason to be disappointed - all Human females share the same basic body language and as I said, if she didn't like you, she would have turned her nose up at you.

Her shyness and her stealing glances at you is an indicator she is definitely interested!

While her looking down is not necessarily an indicator that she likes him - she also didn't look up.

In the Animal Kingdom, it is common behavior for females in many mammalian species to look upward (cast their nose and eyes toward the ceiling) when they are rejecting a male.

All Human females "turn their nose up" at a male they aren't interested in.

Even if she is Autistic, some of her basic body language is going to be the same as all females.

Along with the fact that he already implied she stole glances at him, this definitely shows his chances that she is interested in him are very good.

Frequently, when people think too much, nothing happens.

Ask the girl if she would like to go for coffee.

Looking down is a sign of submission which actually is shared among many species. In the NT social world, women are supposed to be submissive, and so it can be seen as an indirect sign of interest. However, if you ask ND women here if they are comfortable with being submissive to men, then I think you will get many 'no' responses, which also is why this is invalid.



I've seen NTs do that, but nobody that I would classify as ND.



Have any proof? Do other great apes do it? I don't think so.



For anything that goes beyond what we share with great apes, I'd say you would need to prove it.



Sure. I didn't make any judgment if she was interested or not. I only rejected your interpretation.

If you google information on female courtship behaviors, you'll find a plethora of information on what rejecting a male's advances look like, versus a female actually being interested.

The behaviors I've described are accurate - I can attest to that.

Nearly all mammalian females have similar basic behaviors - just because a girl is autistic doesn't mean she's suddenly an alien.

If you're unaware of these facts, you might need to get out more.