Thinking it’s time to give up

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The_Face_of_Boo
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04 Dec 2019, 7:01 pm

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:

You could put the idea of a relationship on the backburner for now and focus on improving your odds of attracting a partner. When you're in a better position and you have more going for you, it's more reasonable to hope for a different result than the one you're getting now.

You're pre-diabetic, so I'd recommend starting with trying to sort that out before it's too late. Neglecting your health is going to be a red flag.

Wanna switch hats?

Marknis
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04 Dec 2019, 7:06 pm

Twilightprincess wrote:

Marknis wrote:

Twilightprincess wrote:

Marknis wrote:

Twilightprincess wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Fnord wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

It's not bad to give up sometimes. We all give up at some point.

Sure, we all give up on things that are impossible for anyone, but why give up on something that almost anyone can accomplish with just a little effort?

it is impossible for some, you know.

The last effort was made in 2017. Marknis is 31.

How does one know it’s “impossible?”

I’ve known some pretty unappealing people who were in relationships. If they can be, I don’t see why anyone couldn’t be.

That was just the last time I tried getting a coffee date. I’ve tried to just attend social groups but they always ended up being disappointing. Even a drunk woman rejected me and jumped the bones of another male who was with us even though they both invited me to hang out with them. I tried hanging out with them at a pool the next day but I was still pushed to the wayside. I should’ve killed myself then.

The last thing you said doesn’t align with what you’ve been telling me.

For future reference, don’t try to get with drunk women. Just don’t.

I’ve been told I shouldn’t even be around women at all because of how “messed up” I am. I am also told I am gay in denial and that’s why I fail with women.

How does what you’re saying here relate in any way to what I’ve said?

It was being told I shouldn’t go for drunk women that reminded me others have told me I shouldn’t even be around women at all, even in the platonic sense.

kraftiekortie
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04 Dec 2019, 7:08 pm

If somebody told you to jump off the Brooklyn Bridge, would you do it?

Marknis
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04 Dec 2019, 7:11 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:

If somebody told you to jump off the Brooklyn Bridge, would you do it?

I wouldn’t but why do people still tell me to give up?

kraftiekortie
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04 Dec 2019, 7:12 pm

You don't have to listen to them. You're a grown person.

TwilightPrincess
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04 Dec 2019, 8:14 pm

Marknis wrote:

kraftiekortie wrote:

If somebody told you to jump off the Brooklyn Bridge, would you do it?

I wouldn’t but why do people still tell me to give up?

Do you talk about this topic (wanting/not being able to get a girlfriend) to the same extent offline as you do on WP?

If so, people might be getting annoyed about it (to say the least) which could make them give you a less than kind response.

It’s not a nice thing to say and I wouldn’t do it, but it’s irritating to hear someone only talk about him or herself incessantly...

Last edited by TwilightPrincess on 04 Dec 2019, 8:40 pm, edited 1 time in total.

ElabR8Aspie
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04 Dec 2019, 8:40 pm

1:It pays to not live in your head,you are not your thoughts nor your mind.

2:It pays to pay little attention by what others say nor be triggered.

Beat life to your own drum and school up on how the mind works.

When your not in control of your thoughts and triggered by others thoughts and opinions,you are not living but living in a dream state.

The only reality you have is now,practice just living 'here and now' not by past,future,thoughts,opinion of others etc etc.

Tinybuddha.com is good resource and a wealth of information.

A couple of recommended books eg:Emotional clearing,Alchemy of the heart,Presence process,Emotional alchemy,Four agreements etc etc.

Doing something to move forward is better than nothing at all.

Better yourself today and off the depressed treadmill.

Marknis
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05 Dec 2019, 2:09 am

Twilightprincess wrote:

Marknis wrote:

kraftiekortie wrote:

If somebody told you to jump off the Brooklyn Bridge, would you do it?

I wouldn’t but why do people still tell me to give up?

Do you talk about this topic (wanting/not being able to get a girlfriend) to the same extent offline as you do on WP?

I don’t. I only talk about it if I get asked if I have a girlfriend, if I am married, if I want children or if I have any, when I get severely depressed, and with my therapist.

I still feel like the lonely teenager stuck in his room while his older brother parties and wondering when will it ever be his turn.

magz
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05 Dec 2019, 4:43 am

How many of them really say "give up" and how many of them mean "focus on things about your life you can change"?

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Marknis
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05 Dec 2019, 1:19 pm

magz wrote:

How many of them really say "give up" and how many of them mean "focus on things about your life you can change"?

They tell me to give up and when it comes to focusing on other things, it’s to make me lose all desire to ever have love in my life. I actually read about a support group that made its attendants give up on pursuing relationships completely and just only do a certain interest like a robot. Their desire for love was completely erased and I feel like that is what I am being told to do.

I thought I would be married and have children by now. I also thought I would have a better bond with my family but I can’t even get a coffee date, the window for having children is closing, and I am the outsider in my family.

magz
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05 Dec 2019, 1:41 pm

Marknis wrote:

magz wrote:

How many of them really say "give up" and how many of them mean "focus on things about your life you can change"?

Where did you hear such things? It sounds like some poor sci-fi, not reality.

Marknis wrote:

I thought I would be married and have children by now. I also thought I would have a better bond with my family but I can’t even get a coffee date, the window for having children is closing, and I am the outsider in my family.

I would recommend you to give up - give up trying to please your family.

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The Grand Inquisitor
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05 Dec 2019, 2:26 pm

Marknis wrote:

I mean, I don't think there's much point even thinking about having children while you're still living at your mother's place and aren't making enough income to even sustain yourself, let alone a family.

Marknis
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05 Dec 2019, 2:33 pm

magz wrote:

Marknis wrote:

magz wrote:

How many of them really say "give up" and how many of them mean "focus on things about your life you can change"?

Where did you hear such things? It sounds like some poor sci-fi, not reality.

Marknis wrote:

I would recommend you to give up - give up trying to please your family.

I read about it back when I came across the late Brian G. Gilmartin’s Love-Shyness study (first read about it when I was truly becoming depressed) as well as back when incel was just known as Involuntary celibacy. I’d have to do some digging to find it since I believe it was referenced on when Wikipedia used to title the article as Involuntary celibacy rather than Incel.

If I did manage to find love and move out or vice-versa, I would give my family except my younger brother the proverbial middle finger, especially my redneck stepfather.

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:

I used to think I would be out of the house when I turned 18 and at some university like A&M. A&M I later realized was a redneck university so that’s the only thing I am glad didn’t come to pass.

Last edited by Marknis on 05 Dec 2019, 2:36 pm, edited 1 time in total.

magz
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05 Dec 2019, 2:34 pm

Marknis wrote:

If I did manage to find love and move out or vice-versa, I would give my family except my younger brother the proverbial middle finger, especially my redneck stepfather.

What holds you from doing it now?

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<not moderating PPR stuff concerning East Europe>

Marknis
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05 Dec 2019, 2:39 pm

magz wrote:

Marknis wrote:

If I did manage to find love and move out or vice-versa, I would give my family except my younger brother the proverbial middle finger, especially my redneck stepfather.

What holds you from doing it now?

As in finding love and moving out or just telling them except for my younger brother to f**k off?

Last edited by Marknis on 05 Dec 2019, 3:04 pm, edited 1 time in total.

magz
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05 Dec 2019, 2:41 pm

Marknis wrote:

magz wrote:

Marknis wrote:

If I did manage to find love and move out or vice-versa, I would give my family except my younger brother the proverbial middle finger, especially my redneck stepfather.

What holds you from doing it now?

As in finding love and moving out or just telling them except for my younger brother to f**k off?

The latter.

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<not moderating PPR stuff concerning East Europe>

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