Curious

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I agree with Magz about the party thing. I'm not into birthdays or parties & I would much rather not celebrate em including my own then deal with the hassle of getting someone a card & buying them something. My girlfriend's also on the spectrum but she's into that stuff so she tells me what to buy her & we'll eat out where she tells me she wants to eat & I pick out the place to eat for my birthday & tell her what to buy me. Also she remembers my birthday is coming up better than I do. Me & my dad have the same bDay & sometimes she mentions getting him a card & then I realize that my bDay is coming up.

That vaguely reminds me of something. This is obviously anecdotal...

I once had to go to a funeral, for an NT woman. I brought paper flowers. The design was insanely simple.

One of the mourners saw them and bellowed "You made those?! They are so beautiful!!"

I told her that it was incredibly basic. Very simple to make. She exploded at me. She snapped something like "No wonder you can't get a job, if you talk to people like that!"

My father was angry at me. He's NT, too. He took her side. He said, "You offended her!"

Thankfully, the deceased's cousin came over and I pressed the offending flowers into his hands.

My father grunted "Good thing you didn't offend him, too!"

But it was a statement of fact. How can you accept a compliment if you know it is bogus? If you know how rudimentary it is? It is like a gymnast accepting a Gold Medal at the Olympics for doing a standard cartwheel.

My father snapped, "If your flowers are so bad, why did you take them to the funeral in the first place?!"

Yet another awkward misunderstanding with the NTs...when will it ever end?!

I don't know what's offensive about what you said. It's modesty or facts nothing big. I hate when NTs claim 'offense' over non existent intentions and it's obvious you intended nothing bad. Then i spend days wondering why I caused offense and feeling guilty.

That means we have to overcompensate, and bridge the gap by shutting up our initial reactions and observing what others say and copy that, and that is not always going to happen. Esp if the situation isnt one u've seen others encounter before.

Going to concur with those who see NPD in OPs husband. The lack of empathy is definitely an NPD thing, despite popular misconceptions about people on the autism spectrum.

OP:
1. Your husband needs to be diagnosed. That way you find out for sure whether it's ASD or NPD or both. That and I think he needs therapy to manage the NPD. Let's see if a therapist agrees, otherwise it's the opinion of an Aspie with Foreign Language and Library Science degrees.

2. Marriage counseling. One or more of my exes might have killed him by now. You're remarkably patient and seem to want to salvage the relationship, so I won't tell you to dump him.