It's a trap

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Joined: 19 Jul 2017
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31 Dec 2019, 11:09 pm

I don't know how helpful this is to others, but I weigh the risk vs. the reward, the cost versus the benefit.

If the potential payoff is worth the price, then I find a way to heal and keep trying again, because to me it's worth it.

I also realize that is not worth it to everyone.

You have to decide for yourself.

I hope whatever happens, that you find happiness in your life :heart:

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hurtloam
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01 Jan 2020, 12:09 am

There are never any benefits. I get evaluated and deemed to be lacking and dropped. Maybe a hug or two, a bit of company, but I feel like it's an assessment process that I keep failing and I'm sick of not ever being enough for anyone.

Its not fun. Dating is meant to be enjoyable. It just isn't.

Simple solution. Don't date.

The_Face_of_Boo
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01 Jan 2020, 10:17 am

For me, It's a booby trap.

shortfatbalduglyman
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01 Jan 2020, 1:30 pm

You could love something bad or wrong

Or you could get too attached to something or someone

But love is not inherently good or bad

Dog1
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01 Jan 2020, 8:49 pm

hurtloam wrote:

"Love" doesn't seem like a good thing to me anymore.

Do you know what it's like to sit next to someone who you thought had feelings for you and they don't want to be there, they don't want to be with you anymore?

I don't want to go through that again. Imagine if I'd believed someone loved me and married them and then I'm stick with this person sitting next to me, going through the motions, but he doesn't love me and he doesn't really want to be there? I'm just thinking about this because I know someone who hot married yesterday.

Not sure I'll ever trust anyone again.

"Love" just seems blank and empty to me now. Like people pretend it, but don't really feel anything and I don't want to be caught up in that. I want to be free.

I think if you:

1. Find the right person to be with (that cares about you)

and

2. Take care of yourself physically

Then you should be fine.

If I chose to be with an abusive woman, then I wouldn't want to be in a relationship.

Or if I was in a relationship with someone, but I didn't watch my weight and got fat, then they might not be physically attracted to me anymore.

Basically, if you seek a relationship with a guy who cares about you, and if you stay fit and healthy, then there shouldn't be any issues.

hurtloam
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02 Jan 2020, 1:51 am

Only flaw with that is that there are no good guys that care so there's no point.

The_Face_of_Boo
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02 Jan 2020, 5:21 am

hurtloam wrote:

Only flaw with that is that there are no good guys that care so there's no point.

No good guys that care?

or....

No good guys, within your very narrow set of must-be/must-have set of standards (which only a very small % of your country's populace would match), that care?

hurtloam
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02 Jan 2020, 5:46 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

hurtloam wrote:

Only flaw with that is that there are no good guys that care so there's no point.

No good guys that care?

or....

No good guys, within your very narrow set of must-be/must-have set of standards (which only a very small % of your country's populace would match), that care?

None. There's not even an inkling of interest, let alone any caring.

Men don't seem to love and I don't want to end up with someone living in my house that I thought cared, but doesn't. Obviously I'd kick him out, but i sat next to someone who had expressed feelings for me only days before to have them feel nothing and be empty of any love and not want to be there days later and I just can't believe someone would want to be close to me.

Even when you finally have what seems like a connection, it's nothing.

It's not worth it. It's like I believed in love for so long. Got it and it's not real.

There's no point.

nick007
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02 Jan 2020, 7:06 am

hurtloam wrote:

Men don't seem to love and I don't want to end up with someone living in my house that I thought cared, but doesn't. Obviously I'd kick him out

I would much rather live with a woman who still chooses to live with me for whatever reason than be single.

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hurtloam
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02 Jan 2020, 7:28 am

nick007 wrote:

hurtloam wrote:

Men don't seem to love and I don't want to end up with someone living in my house that I thought cared, but doesn't. Obviously I'd kick him out

I would much rather live with a woman who still chooses to live with me for whatever reason than be single.

You got lucky though. You haven't been through that emptiness I'm talking about.

RetroGamer87
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02 Jan 2020, 9:15 am

hurtloam wrote:

I went to see Little Women at the cinema. I've realised I'm a Jo. That's where this came from.

Awwwww, I was hoping it was a Star Wars reference.

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hurtloam
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02 Jan 2020, 9:51 am

RetroGamer87 wrote:

hurtloam wrote:

I went to see Little Women at the cinema. I've realised I'm a Jo. That's where this came from.

Awwwww, I was hoping it was a Star Wars reference.

I went to see Star Wars too. I'm not a Rey lol. I'm maybe more like D-0.

hurtloam
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02 Jan 2020, 10:22 am

I have another e ample, Charles and Diana.

I don't want that... a man who when asked if he'd in live says, "of course... whatever love means"

smudge
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02 Jan 2020, 11:05 am

Those countdown style TV programmes always have people in them that you have no idea who they are.

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hurtloam
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02 Jan 2020, 11:11 am

smudge wrote:

Those countdown style TV programmes always have people in them that you have no idea who they are.

So true, I've no idea who these people are?

The_Face_of_Boo
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02 Jan 2020, 11:39 am

hurtloam wrote:

I have another e ample, Charles and Diana.

I don't want that... a man who when asked if he'd in live says, "of course... whatever love means"

Love killed Diana tho.

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