What NT Women Want

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20 Feb 2020, 8:22 pm

I also think the OP means well. The info is useful for anyone with AS who wants an NT girlfriend/SO/whatever.

Looking for a female with AS/HFA now, because NTs are sometimes too much of a hassle and I want someone to come home to and not have to mask. Tried to mask 24/7/365 and it worked for several years. Caused a couple of years of burnout/shutdown. I'm starting to pick up the pieces now.

Noticed that NT females with certain types of social anxiety can have AS-like thought patterns, so they're also on my radar a bit, but mainly looking for females with AS/HFA.

Magna
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20 Feb 2020, 9:12 pm

Tiana101 wrote:

This is to help autistic men understand NT women. I’m going to be brutal and honest as possible because NT women are brutal when it comes to dating. Bookmark this page. I promise that if you do all of these steps, you will get at least one woman interested in you as a boyfriend or husband.

Women mostly want a guy with a stable job with good (or okay) social skills, and don’t care so much about looks, unless they are young or immature.This is what I look for in a boyfriend and what many of my NT friends also look for for a long term relationship. You don’t have to have abs, women don’t care and some even prefer “dad bods”. Some women don’t mind bad social skills as long as you truly care about the woman and are working on it.

Groom yourself. You don’t have to look like a male model or have abs. As long as you shave your face (shaving off any neckbeards) shower everyday or every other day, and look clean, women will notice & appreciate it. Smelling good also helps, so wearing cologne or deodorant (if you can, I know that it can be sensitive).

Dress well. Make sure that your clothes doesn’t have any stains. Make sure that you wash your clothes at least once a month. Ironing would also help but is optional. Good haircut also helps.

If you have your sh*t together, stable job, own place, and maybe a car, that is enough. If you don’t have any of these, work on it. If you don’t smoke & aren’t an alcoholic, that’s a bonus, because many men either smoke or drink a lot and you’ll be a step ahead of them.

I would highly highly recommend online dating or having an NT friend set you up with someone instead of approaching in person, because most of the time it is creepy and unwanted (woman could already have a boyfriend or not find you attractive).

Women look for someone that isn’t creepy, isn’t potentially dangerous and that will protect them & look out after them. This means waiting for sex & getting to know them, unless they tell you. So, if they sense that you only want sex from them, they’ll run & maybe even avoid you or tell their friends you’re creepy because this is creepy behavior.

Have woman friends. If you’re friends with other women (maybe even women that rejected you), women will think that you aren’t creepy or dangerous because other women don’t think that you are creepy & are willing to be friends with you.

Women LOVE a man with his own life, hobby, and passion. Women love men on a mission to reach some goal of theirs. Women love that you can live without needing them in your life. NT women can sense desperation and neediness really really easily and it comes off as creepy.

If some NT woman that you like thinks you’re weird or nerdy, even though you’ve followed all of these steps, then you’re incompatible. Try & find someone with compatible interests.

I’m also going to suggest that you don’t give women flowers or presents unless it’s Valentine’s Day, Christmas, or her birthday because this also could come off as creepy or desperate.

I will try and post more tips later such as flirting, hints, & body language.

I'm guessing you mean well with your post and that you're trying to be helpful. Your post seems to be very general by seemingly lumping NT women together in what they like. A single example would be preferring clean shaven men. There are many NT women who like bearded men or even men with neck beards.

Also, you say in your first paragraph that if autistic men follow your steps that you promise they will attract at least one woman. It's a fact that there are and have been young autistic men on this site that have all of the attributes you speak of and follow rules of hygiene and have not yet found a woman to date.

Again, I think you're probably trying to be helpful, but by taking a position of teaching autistic men here, what you say could be misconstrued as being patronizing.

quite an extreme
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20 Feb 2020, 9:54 pm

Magna wrote:

Again, I think you're probably trying to be helpful, but by taking a position of teaching autistic men here, what you say could be misconstrued as being patronizing.

That's right but not the point. There are things that most of us don't realize on their own if they aren't just NT. For this see this as a chance to ask some questions regarding behaviour of women that you don't understand. This hierarchy thing for instance. Or the reason for the preferences of tall guys. And that starting of relations to guys they don't even have a crush on. To me it seems idiotic but women are totally into it. So why are they as strange? And how do women see themself towards men?

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20 Feb 2020, 10:21 pm

Male members should start a thread called "What Autistic Men Want", and detail how NT women should groom.

I agree with Magna that the list contains sweeping generalisations.

I'm a neurodiverse woman and few of those things matter to me. Likewise I know NT women who have other opinions.

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quite an extreme
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20 Feb 2020, 10:31 pm

IsabellaLinton wrote:

Male members should start a thread called "What Autistic Men Want", and detail how NT women should groom.

Wrong. Autism isn't just a single condition as you know. May be Asperger syndrome as part of it is.

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20 Feb 2020, 10:36 pm

quite an extreme wrote:

IsabellaLinton wrote:

Male members should start a thread called "What Autistic Men Want", and detail how NT women should groom.

Wrong. Autism isn't just a single condition as you know. May be Asperger syndrome as part of it is.

That's my point. I was being facetious.

Autism isn't a single condition, and neither is "Neurotypical".

Likewise men and women shouldn't be typed.

Sure there's some fairly coherent info in the OP's post, but it's nothing that most men (and women) haven't already tried when hoping to meet a partner. It just seems odd to me that men would be "taught" how to improve themselves, and women would be presented as the gatekeepers.

I just don't think that way.

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AquaineBay
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20 Feb 2020, 10:53 pm

Huh, I've seen many men mention the same thing in threads and told not to generalize and lump all women in a bubble.
We have had heated discussions in the L&D thread about this stuff and many women here denied it and yet now it seems to be praised. Also I noticed that no where on any forum(or online for that matter) do I EVER see what women have to do to be in a relationship!

Also think of this, Men have to have a stable job, a car, own their own home(or at least rent it). Why do women not have to know how to cook, clean, take care of the kids, basically be a stay at home mom. To me if a woman is not suppose to stay at home anymore as a requirement than a man should not have to have a job as a requirement. If having a stable job is a requirement for men than women in general are shooting themselves in the foot by being in the workforce cause for every job a woman has that's a job that a man could be working and could have a house, a car, better grooming habits, more hobbies, etc.

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20 Feb 2020, 10:56 pm

AquaineBay wrote:

Agreed. That's my point exactly. I don't like double standards or sexism against men.

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enz
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20 Feb 2020, 11:18 pm

nice post its pretty practical and I think the the working on your passions part is very true

The_Face_of_Boo
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21 Feb 2020, 12:25 am

I think she means well.

What Tiana said is something that, almost every over 25 man knows well.
Any man with a minimal life experience would realize all what she said.

It’s nothing new but it’s a taboo to talk about it.

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21 Feb 2020, 12:35 am

AquaineBay wrote:

The bold part is also a taboo thing to talk about; umm.... (whisper: society just expects them to look good, it doesn’t expect them to do much more than that).

Btw Tiana, can you tell us of how NT women generally think of geeky/nerd looking men? (I am already aware of it, we all know it, but I wanna you say it to everyone here)

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21 Feb 2020, 2:04 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

AquaineBay wrote:

They are the opposite of attracted to?

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21 Feb 2020, 2:27 am

Kiprobalhato wrote:

why is the job important?

Because it proves that you are a somewhat responsible grown up.

Personally I don't want a partner to be baggage to carry. If I can have a job and pay my own bills with my health issues, then I don't see why my partner can't at least have a part time job.

I'm better off on my own than becoming someone's surrogate parent.

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21 Feb 2020, 3:23 am

According to This Article in the U.K.'s Daily Mail, A "typical" woman's idea of a perfect man is:

* Six feet tall
* Muscly, toned and athletic
* Brown eyes
* Short dark hair
* Knows how to dress himself smartly
* A beer / lager drinker
* Non smoker
* Wears smart jeans, shirt and a V-neck jumper
* Gets ready in 17 minutes
* Stylish
* Wants a family
* Earns £48,000 ($72,000) a year
* Loves shopping
* Eats meat
* Clean shaven
* Smooth chest
* Watches soaps
* Enjoys watching football
* Drives an Audi
* Educated to a college degree level
* Earns more than she does
* Jokes around and has a laugh
* Sensitive when she is upset
* Tells her he loves her only when he means it
* Admits it when he looks at other women
* Holds a driving license
* Can swim
* Can ride a bike
* Can change a tire
* Telephones his mother regularly

Drat! Still no mention of copulatory activity ... what's up with these British women?

(Note: this is not an “All Or Nothing” list -- instead, the more of these items that fit you, the more likely you will be to attract a woman.)

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21 Feb 2020, 3:37 am

AquaineBay wrote:

Also think of this, Men have to have a stable job, a car, own their own home(or at least rent it). Why do women not have to know how to cook, clean, take care of the kids, basically be a stay at home mom. To me if a woman is not suppose to stay at home anymore as a requirement than a man should not have to have a job as a requirement. If having a stable job is a requirement for men than women in general are shooting themselves in the foot by being in the workforce cause for every job a woman has that's a job that a man could be working and could have a house, a car, better grooming habits, more hobbies, etc.

Why shouldn't men know how to cook clean and take care of kids (if they want a family)?

This argument doesn't make any sense to me.

A man who wants a responsible partner would do well to find himself a woman who is responsible enough to hold down a job.

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21 Feb 2020, 3:40 am

Magna wrote:

I second this.

NT women aren't a single homogenous lump that all think the same way.

Also, for goodness sake, do laundry more than once a month people.

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