Advice on how to date as a young Aspie woman? Or resources?

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The_Face_of_Boo
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02 Jun 2020, 5:25 am

Syd wrote:
quite an extreme wrote:

If dancing don't forget to swing your hips sidewise in an attactive way. It's a strong sexual signal.

It shows that you may like body contact and to feel sombody who likes you at your body.

Some who notice a guy they like being interested get 'accidentally' in touch a bit while passing him
That means they rub their shoulders, breasts (most common) or in rare cases their hips
on him, mostly in a way that they hope that others then him don't notice.


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quite an extreme
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02 Jun 2020, 1:47 pm

May be it did sound a bid strange that I even told this but I have seen very strange things already. :twisted:
Intstead of swinging her hips in a romantic way while dancing did she repeatedly recking her ass towards the guys around in very strange way to attract those. She became totally desperated that the guys didn't react to this at all. But the guys around didn't got her and for this they totally ignored her. She was a bright and really attractive girl otherwise. :mrgreen:


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Whale_Tuune
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02 Jun 2020, 2:01 pm

Uhhh.... Not exactly the context that I'm looking for, but thanks anyways.

I mean that I come off a bit odd, so I was wondering how to maybe "mask" better in order to seem more normal and flirt (and attract nice guys).


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quite an extreme
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02 Jun 2020, 2:38 pm

Whale_Tuune wrote:
I mean that I come off a bit odd, so I was wondering how to maybe "mask" better in order to seem more normal and flirt (and attract nice guys).

The common way of flirting happens nonverbal. NTs are talking about any kind of sh*t but they are recognizing each others emotions and especially each others feeling of attraction and like to play around with each others emotions a bit. They know very well the way that each other feels. How do you wan't to mask if it comes to this?

Just for masking: keep a good mood around people. Once a guy who likes you approaches you and you are liking him then be open with your smile and fun. NTs crush mostly on a nice smile. Try to talk about things which are just a bit related to the things you are already talking about but not about the details of your special interests. Ask questions about his life situation. Are you getting other people emotional in case of eye contact? Try to get wether he talks just sh*t then or wether he is open and honest to you and especially whether he honestly likes you then.
Is that cute girl in your avatar pic you?


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quite an extreme
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02 Jun 2020, 4:19 pm

Whale_Tuune wrote:
I mean that I come off a bit odd, so I was wondering how to maybe "mask" better in order to seem more normal and flirt (and attract nice guys).

By the way that's really hard to tell. Men are less emotional and empathetical than women. But once you aren't looking for a guy who has just Asperger's as well then you'll most likely become emotional hurt by most NTs just because it's hard for them to fall in love with you and many NTs are very selfish and not very honest towards the opposite gender. Asperger guys in opposite can be kind of very unaware of you and may appear emotional a bit cold. Otherwise autistic people have often very different specific problems. If it comes to me I would like to have a girl friend with Asperger's because I can relate to their bright and honest way of them a lot more then to the way that most NT women are. And I like their often child like innocent eyes. 8O :wink: But more then anything else counts that both partner have a real crush on each other. Anyting else doesn't work for a really long time.


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IsabellaLinton
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02 Jun 2020, 5:36 pm

It's funny when a single autistic woman asks for dating advice, she's told to entice the guy sexually.

When a single autistic man asks for dating advice, he's told he's not good enough.


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kraftiekortie
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02 Jun 2020, 5:43 pm

I’ve been attracted to nerdy ladies who, to some people, might come off “weird.”

I respond to a person’s intellect. The one type of woman I don’t like is one who always seeks an argument.

There is such thing as “cute weird,” in my opinion.



Whale_Tuune
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02 Jun 2020, 5:52 pm

I don't know too many guys with verified ASD... or any, actually. Maybe one from high school.

Socially able guys that I've dated tend to sideline me, manipulate me, and lie to me. Most Aspie women seem to have the same horror stories with NT boyfriends.... And ASD guys also have such stories about NT women.

I still find myself attracted to social charisma, but so is everyone. I happen to be greatly lacking in that department.


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02 Jun 2020, 5:59 pm

Whale_Tuune wrote:
I don't know too many guys with verified ASD... or any, actually. Maybe one from high school.

Socially able guys that I've dated tend to sideline me, manipulate me, and lie to me. Most Aspie women seem to have the same horror stories with NT boyfriends.... And ASD guys also have such stories about NT women.

I still find myself attracted to social charisma, but so is everyone. I happen to be greatly lacking in that department.


Have you talked to any guys online?



quite an extreme
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02 Jun 2020, 6:13 pm

Whale_Tuune wrote:
I still find myself attracted to social charisma, but so is everyone. I happen to be greatly lacking in that department.

I told already what counts most. F*ck social charisma and learn to read the intentions of people. Become aware of empathy and learn to use the final knowledge that others have it to improve with them. I did improve a lot since I realized my problems.


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02 Jun 2020, 11:15 pm

Whale_Tuune wrote:
I don't know too many guys with verified ASD... or any, actually. Maybe one from high school.

Socially able guys that I've dated tend to sideline me, manipulate me, and lie to me. Most Aspie women seem to have the same horror stories with NT boyfriends.... And ASD guys also have such stories about NT women.

I still find myself attracted to social charisma, but so is everyone. I happen to be greatly lacking in that department.


You are a very attractive woman.
For the life of me, I can't see why you are having trouble meeting a nice guy.
Yes, I like making fun of NTs, but I know from my school days that there were a lot of decent ones out their.

Presumably, you don't have trouble attracting men.
Perhaps you are looking in the wrong place?
I'm assuming you are a uni-student.
I would think that would be a very viable venue.



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02 Jun 2020, 11:26 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
I’ve been attracted to nerdy ladies who, to some people, might come off “weird.”

I respond to a person’s intellect. The one type of woman I don’t like is one who always seeks an argument.

There is such thing as “cute weird,” in my opinion.


In my day, an attractive nerdy young woman would have elicited the protective/nurturing instinct in young men.
Perhaps times have changed. <shrug>



The_Face_of_Boo
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02 Jun 2020, 11:43 pm

How’s your filled up inbox doing, OP? :lol:



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03 Jun 2020, 12:30 am

My 2 cents, again, I have biases as I've had some not so great experiences with men, but hope that I've allowed for that to be balanced out in my reply.

Agreed with Martianprincess and Smudge.

Most importantly... Decide on what you value, (I'm not speaking about monetary or object based concrete things, more so the abstract) like integrity, kindness, passion etc.

From there, practice in emotionally safe contexts approaching guys, as you would a girl you wanted to be friends with.

Is there anyone in your life that would help you with this? Ideally a male friend or relative... A willing female partner will work either for practice purposes. For this to solve problems rather than create more complex ones, both of you need to be open minded and open to feedback.

Personally I wouldn't leave it to luck or fate that I would be approached, based on my appearance by a man whose values align with mine.

Appearance based attraction is a potential red flag to me as they dont know anything about you based on your external presentation. Being approached because you look good feels nice as its pandering to your ego, but when it comes to finding romance your mind should be the master, not the servant of emotions. (Emotions can take a more equal role when you find the right fit)

I would instead seek him out, but only based on knowing and liking myself first.

Superficial masking has its place, it stops you from speaking your mind before you 'do a theory of mind check', eg will this hurt the other person etc. Learning to smile is another kindness to others who rely on non verbal feedback.
Anything deeper than preventing harm to another isnt sustainable or healthy imo. Autistic burn out should be avoided, it can take years to recover partially, purposful pervasive masking is a form of self harm.

Honestly I wouldn't alter my appearance, I mean clean and tidy is a basic, but not much more than that. You are who you are and the person you will align with from a value perspective will appreciate you in your true form.


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03 Jun 2020, 12:41 am

Whale_Tuune wrote:
I don't know too many guys with verified ASD... or any, actually. Maybe one from high school.

Socially able guys that I've dated tend to sideline me, manipulate me, and lie to me. Most Aspie women seem to have the same horror stories with NT boyfriends.... And ASD guys also have such stories about NT women.

I still find myself attracted to social charisma, but so is everyone. I happen to be greatly lacking in that department.

Id prefer shy homebody over social charisma. Mean would you really be happy with guy who needs to constantly be out socializing?


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sly279
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03 Jun 2020, 12:51 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
How’s your filled up inbox doing, OP? :lol:

Why’d it be filled up?


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