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Is it possible to not be cut out for dating?

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rdos
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17 Aug 2020, 8:19 am

cyberdad wrote:
Outsider85 wrote:
First one, I know what I did wrong. Already learned. Second one she ran away from me when I tried to talk to her (we’re Facebook friends now). Third girl was talking about her experimenting, asked if I wanted to see her underwear, she wanted to get pregnant so she could get food stamps and not have to work. Broke up with her. Fourth one parents were hippies to the hill, tried to get me into the peace Core when I didn’t want to. She was still living at home, no job (parents maid), dad wanted her to be a housewife. She broke up with me.
Fifth one was not motivated at all, wanted to be a nanny, was in bankruptcy, was at blind father, Leah ally blind and demented mother’s beck and call. She also weighed 300 pounds. No real job.
Sixth one, my recent ex. Did a lot for her. She never let me see her place, had eight cats, was working three jobs. She seemed distant near the second year of our courtship. She still owes me 500.00 to this day.

Does this help?


I'm NT and it sounds like you were doing a hell of let better than me with girls :lol:

Never had a girl ask me to look at her nickers and get her pregnant.


Happened to me too, but I didn't go for it. It was just before she decided to break up. I've learned that she played the trick more successfully with somebody else a year later. And she is actually not even NT.



rdos
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17 Aug 2020, 8:24 am

Lots of bad advice here. It's not necessary (or even desirable) to become an expert at NT social functioning to get a partner. Actually, it's a slow road to failure where you focus too much on irrelevant stuff.

It might be desirable to be friends with a partner, but it should be AFTER you got together, not before. That's because the "friend desires" that many NDs express towards potential partners are not true friend desires, but relationship desires, and so you are "advertising" the wrong thing.

And people should stop focusing so much on talking and having flow in speech. This is only relevant when hooking up with NTs, so why do you bother with it? Do you have a huge desire to be played with and eventually dumped by NT women?



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17 Aug 2020, 9:48 am

rdos wrote:
Lots of bad advice here...
I've found out the hard way that any advice is bad advice.  Even if the advice you give to someone else has worked for you, if it does not work for them, then it is "obviously" your fault for giving the advice in the first place.  It's better to just let people fall on their faces than risk a bad reputation for yourself by acting on your own good intentions.


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rdos
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17 Aug 2020, 10:01 am

I never cared much about my reputation. :mrgreen:



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17 Aug 2020, 10:03 am

rdos wrote:
I never cared much about my reputation.
I don't any more ... especially when I see the sheer pettiness of the complaints levied against me.


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KT67
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17 Aug 2020, 10:34 am

rdos wrote:
Lots of bad advice here. It's not necessary (or even desirable) to become an expert at NT social functioning to get a partner. Actually, it's a slow road to failure where you focus too much on irrelevant stuff.

It might be desirable to be friends with a partner, but it should be AFTER you got together, not before. That's because the "friend desires" that many NDs express towards potential partners are not true friend desires, but relationship desires, and so you are "advertising" the wrong thing.

And people should stop focusing so much on talking and having flow in speech. This is only relevant when hooking up with NTs, so why do you bother with it? Do you have a huge desire to be played with and eventually dumped by NT women?


Don't be surprised when women peg you as a misogynist then. Why is it so bad to be friends with people/women?

My cousin's been in far more healthy relationships than me and it's because she's gone with guys who see the sex element as only one element of the relationship.

I cba with excessive friendship so I cba anymore with dating.


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Outsider85
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17 Aug 2020, 2:34 pm

Something I did wrong with my last relationship, I bought her a strapless dress, just to wear when we would have a romantic candlelight dinner. She was mad at me, my psychiatrist told me that was a no no. So I learned.

A lot of my women friends are married or dating someone, so....

There was a girl who had a crush on me since Elementary school. She tried to get me to be her boyfriend over the years. During early adulthood she asked me twice if she could be my girlfriend. I told her no. She said she needed a boyfriend. She said she could be my girlfriend, I told her no. I didn’t have feelings for her, except that I was babysitting her and not getting paid. Eventually, I told her it was time to move on. My mother was so sympathetic to the girl. I told my mother which would she rather have me do, tell the girl its time to move on or get a restraining order against her? Tell me if I was wrong.



The_Face_of_Boo
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17 Aug 2020, 2:36 pm

Outsider85 wrote:
Something I did wrong with my last relationship, I bought her a strapless dress, just to wear when we would have a romantic candlelight dinner. She was mad at me, my psychiatrist told me that was a no no. So I learned.

A lot of my women friends are married or dating someone, so....

There was a girl who had a crush on me since Elementary school. She tried to get me to be her boyfriend over the years. During early adulthood she asked me twice if she could be my girlfriend. I told her no. She said she needed a boyfriend. She said she could be my girlfriend, I told her no. I didn’t have feelings for her, except that I was babysitting her and not getting paid. Eventually, I told her it was time to move on. My mother was so sympathetic to the girl. I told my mother which would she rather have me do, tell the girl its time to move on or get a restraining order against her? Tell me if I was wrong.



I am curious to see what this strapless dress actually looked like, I find her reaction is odd and over unless there's something you're not telling about that dress.



Raleigh
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17 Aug 2020, 2:39 pm

Did the psychologist explain why buying your gf a dress is a no-no?


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Outsider85
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17 Aug 2020, 2:54 pm

https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B01LYVS7 ... asin_image. That is what it looks like.

She was a tomboy. My psychiatrist says that if a guy does that for a lady, she thinks that there is a strings attached and a favor is owed. Do you follow?



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17 Aug 2020, 2:56 pm

I'm really curious about it too, never heard anything like this before :?


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KT67
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17 Aug 2020, 2:58 pm

Outsider85 wrote:
Something I did wrong with my last relationship, I bought her a strapless dress, just to wear when we would have a romantic candlelight dinner. She was mad at me, my psychiatrist told me that was a no no. So I learned.

A lot of my women friends are married or dating someone, so....

There was a girl who had a crush on me since Elementary school. She tried to get me to be her boyfriend over the years. During early adulthood she asked me twice if she could be my girlfriend. I told her no. She said she needed a boyfriend. She said she could be my girlfriend, I told her no. I didn’t have feelings for her, except that I was babysitting her and not getting paid. Eventually, I told her it was time to move on. My mother was so sympathetic to the girl. I told my mother which would she rather have me do, tell the girl its time to move on or get a restraining order against her? Tell me if I was wrong.


That's a step up from a lot of, esp aspie, men. I really think you're cut out for dating so although I'd answer your initial question with 'yes', for you I'd answer 'you're not though'.

The next step is, get your female friends to introduce you to someone. Even if it's just setting up on a blind date with a stranger - someone you actually know will have a feel for your personality & someone the potential partner knows will have a feel for her personality and know who's a good fit from that.

It's a bit more of a security type thing than hooking up with a random hot woman on the street who doesn't know you & who you don't know either.


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Outsider85
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17 Aug 2020, 3:06 pm

KT67,

So you’re now thinking I am cut out for dating? If so, what makes you say that?



The_Face_of_Boo
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17 Aug 2020, 3:07 pm

Outsider85 wrote:
https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B01LYVS7D2?psc=1&ref=ppx_pop_mob_b_asin_image. That is what it looks like.

She was a tomboy. My psychiatrist says that if a guy does that for a lady, she thinks that there is a strings attached and a favor is owed. Do you follow?


Your psychiatrist is an idiot tho; she needs a psychiatrist him/herself, that dress isn't oversexualized at all.

Uh, I hate psychiatrists btw.

But yeah it was a big mistake knowing that she's tomboy, I bet she probably took it that you're trying to change her natural character; a very....grave faux pas indeed.



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17 Aug 2020, 3:08 pm

All of the reasons for not buying clothes for a woman are too numerous to post here, but here are a few...

... you will inevitably get the wrong style, color, pattern, or size

... they may be too 'girly', too 'slu*ty', too 'spinsterish', or even too far out of fashion for her personal tastes

... she may have seen the same clothes on her mother, her grandmother, or someone she hates

... she may jump to the conclusion that you have some pervy ideas about her playing "dress-up" for you

... she may have bought it for herself, but you denied her the fun of shopping for it herself

So just buy her a gift card to her favorite high-end women's clothing store and offer to take her there yourself instead.


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The_Face_of_Boo
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17 Aug 2020, 3:10 pm

Yeah, never buy her clothes.