Is there a word for being happy for someone And envious or

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kraftiekortie
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24 Nov 2020, 8:19 am

I never said fostering is the same as adoption or being a biological parent.

All I said is that there’s a great need for decent foster parents.



Joe90
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24 Nov 2020, 9:03 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
I never said fostering is the same as adoption or being a biological parent.

All I said is that there’s a great need for decent foster parents.


I know, it's just that fostering isn't always the answer a broody woman wants. Fostering is more like a career and it's just not what I want to do. I want to actually bring a baby up like a parent and not be paid to do it. I just get annoyed when I say how much I want to be a parent and guys are like "then why don't you foster?"


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goldfish21
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24 Nov 2020, 2:33 pm

Ever heard the phrase “beggars can’t be choosers,” before? :?

Not to be rude, but either you want to raise children - whether permanently or temporarily - or you don’t.

Full adoption isn’t an option where you live and I doubt emigrating to somewhere where it is is an option. What about adopting from a foreign country instead of within the uk? Would they allow that? Or perhaps it’s still too costly to adopt a child from Romania or some Asian/African country? Maybe worth a look into.

What about family members having kids they can’t raise? Will the gov’t allow you to adopt them? That’s a thing here. Fast tracked compared to a regular adoption process in order to keep a kid with a relative.

But back to my original point: If you Can’t adopt and Want to have the experience of raising a child/children, why not foster and do it temporarily? Help some kid/family, maybe for a short time, but maybe for a long time.. then whenever that time period ends, reassess and determine if you’d like to do it again. Maybe you’ll feel fulfilled doing it and Want to do it again. Maybe you’ll like raising babies and toddlers so much you appreciate that you get to start with another tiny human when one is adopted or reunited with their bio-fam? Always babies and never teenagers might be a blessing. You won’t know til you try it. And maybe it’ll be too much to handle when they’re gone and you decide to never do it again - but at least you’ll have tried it and like they say about relationships “it’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.” Same may apply here, and Wanting to raise children and never even doing it temporarily might be a big regret of yours later in life.

Just saying.. if you Want to raise a baby and won’t have your own, you’ll find a way to do it and at least have as much of the experience as you can get during this life. IMO.


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funeralxempire
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24 Nov 2020, 2:45 pm

goldfish21 wrote:
Ever heard the phrase “beggars can’t be choosers,” before? :?

Not to be rude, but either you want to raise children - whether permanently or temporarily - or you don’t.


Maybe raising them isn't the goal, it's just an acceptable cost. If the goal is to have kids, raising someone else's likely won't satisfy it.


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goldfish21
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24 Nov 2020, 3:05 pm

funeralxempire wrote:
goldfish21 wrote:
Ever heard the phrase “beggars can’t be choosers,” before? :?

Not to be rude, but either you want to raise children - whether permanently or temporarily - or you don’t.


Maybe raising them isn't the goal, it's just an acceptable cost. If the goal is to have kids, raising someone else's likely won't satisfy it.


She said she doesn’t wanna pop one out because she doesn’t think she could handle all the sensory things/pain, and would adopt if she could (someone else’ kid!) but can’t because she’s no young & well off (gov’t rules) so it seems her biggest opposition to Fostering someone else’ kid is that it’s temporary and she won’t be able to raise them as her own long term.

I’m just suggesting that maybe that’s better than not at all if that’s her best option of having the child raising experience.

Another thing to think about with fostering is that often foster homes are terrible - my brother in law and his siblings bounced around several foster homes as kids, But then they landed in a good one and stayed there and were raised by these ppl for years and think of them as their parents - the OP could aim to be one of the Good ones; either a temporary nice stop in a kid’s life Or the one good foster home they end up staying at until they’re 18+ or whatever.


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Joe90
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24 Nov 2020, 3:37 pm

Raising an adopted child from a young baby will feel like I had him or her myself. I wouldn't want to adopt an older child. Well, I'm not saying I wouldn't want to, what I mean is that isn't the plan. My plan is to bring up a baby from birth (or a couple of months at the most) and raise them like my own right up to adulthood (and beyond). Where I'm the only mother the child has ever known.
It's a bit like advising a single bachelor to get himself a prostitute to have sex with instead of having an actual girlfriend to call his own.
I heard China often has baby girls that need adoption, maybe I could look into that.
And beggers can be choosers when it comes to a child's life and wellbeing, and if fostering children doesn't quite fulfill your desires then you aren't dedicated for fostering. Fostering a child is like being given an assignment, like a carer. It is not the same as having a child biologically or adopting a child from a baby.

But can we carry on this debate in my thread I posted a link to, because we are really derailing someone else's thread.


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Last edited by Joe90 on 24 Nov 2020, 7:12 pm, edited 1 time in total.

goldfish21
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24 Nov 2020, 4:34 pm

..as I said, if your Only option to have a hand in raising a child is Fostering vs biobirth or adoption, it’d be better than not at all IMO.

And it’s my thread. :lol:


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funeralxempire
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24 Nov 2020, 5:25 pm

goldfish21 wrote:
And it’s my thread. :lol:


Well, stop derailing it.

That's our job.

8)


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goldfish21
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24 Nov 2020, 5:34 pm

funeralxempire wrote:
goldfish21 wrote:
And it’s my thread. :lol:


Well, stop derailing it.

That's our job.

8)


I’ve seen that show spoiler text a couple times but never realized it was a clickable link. Never seen that tag before - is it new to the forum?


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funeralxempire
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24 Nov 2020, 5:45 pm

goldfish21 wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
goldfish21 wrote:
And it’s my thread. :lol:


Well, stop derailing it.

That's our job.

8)


I’ve seen that show spoiler text a couple times but never realized it was a clickable link. Never seen that tag before - is it new to the forum?


I'm not sure how long ago it was added, but it's at least semi-new.


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damasc
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24 Nov 2020, 5:53 pm

The word we have for it in Arabic is غَبَطَة. Normal envy or حَسَد is malicious, ghabata is not. It is wishing for what someone else has but without wanting the other person to lose it.



TricksR4Kids
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24 Nov 2020, 5:57 pm

goldfish21 wrote:
Figured if there was a word for that Someone HERE would know it. :p Hmm, maybe it exists in another language or culture?


“Mudita,” in Sanskrit, means “the pleasure that comes from delighting in other people’s well-being.” “Unne,” in Norwegian means “to be happy on someone else’s behalf.” So other languages seem to acknowledge finding pleasure in another's good fortune, it's just the second half of the equation that is missing. (Update: I now see "ghabata" in the above post addresses this :))

I don't think there is anything wrong with being wistful when (even happily) seeing others get to experience things one also wishes for.



goldfish21
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24 Nov 2020, 6:16 pm

Very interesting few words - thanks for those. 8)

This thread was inspired after seeing on Facebook that an old crush is engaged. I’m happy for him, but it’s still a bit of a sinking feeling for my own perpetual singleness.

Same same when my twin brother phoned me on September 28th to tell me he and his gf got married the day before. (They’re local but no wedding parties allowed due to covid so they just got married with one couple friend of theirs present.) They’ve lives together for a couple years or so and it was an eventuality, it was just the official word that made me feel this way. I’m sure it came through in my voice a little, but I Also had the perfect cover: That day just happened to randomly be a close friend's beach funeral (his 3rd funeral - he was that well loved by so many) and so I was able to use the excuse that “if I don’t sound happy for him, I Am, it’s just that today was a funeral and it’s a somber mood here.” He replied “Fair,” and then carried on with conversation. All of my siblings are married/engaged etc. And then there’s me. :roll:


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Joe90
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24 Nov 2020, 6:33 pm

goldfish21 wrote:
..as I said, if your Only option to have a hand in raising a child is Fostering vs biobirth or adoption, it’d be better than not at all IMO.

And it’s my thread. :lol:


Oh well that's not so bad then. :)


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The_Face_of_Boo
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25 Nov 2020, 2:59 am

Joe90 wrote:
Clueless2017 wrote:
Hello, Joe90...I understand the "bittersweet" feeling...To be happy for those, while at the same time sad for that which you don't have...And no, it is NOT jealousy...

I know, because i attended many, many, many happy weddings in the course of my life-time...And i was genuinely happy for the couple...Yet, at the same time, i was sad for me...I always believed in love; i just did not believe that it existed for me...

With respect to pregnancy, at least it is your choice NOT to have children...I don't have that choice...You see, i met my beloved husband until my late 40's...(I had lost my reproductive organs at a young age, appx one decade before)...Still, i am grateful to God that i was a "Substitute Mom" to my beloved niece and my beloved nephew, when i helped in their upbringing for approximately one decade...I am beyond grateful to God also for my husband's children...At present-time, they do not live with us; but i remain hopeful...Have you considered adoption???...An autistic child, perhaps...???...Just a thought...Greetings from California...And have a blessed Sunday... :heart: :heart: :heart:

Can't adopt - in the UK they don't let you adopt unless you are very rich and under 25. Sadly, we're neither of those. My partner 20 years older than me and is unemployed.

And no disrespect to autistic people but I wouldn't want an autistic child.


But to avoid derailing this thread, visit my thread here:-

viewtopic.php?f=27&t=387592&p=8657605#p8657605


A lot of women don't like it when guys post there, it's a very hostile environment against men there at times.



The_Face_of_Boo
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25 Nov 2020, 3:04 am

damasc wrote:
The word we have for it in Arabic is غَبَطَة. Normal envy or حَسَد is malicious, ghabata is not. It is wishing for what someone else has but without wanting the other person to lose it.


It's not colloquially used where I live, only 'hasad' is used.