Do We Choose Who We Fall in Love With...Yes, or No???

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I knew you would say the above-mentioned...Because of your logical mind as an INTJ...Not that you don't have feelings...You just don't let these control you...So, you have more control over who you fall for...SMART!! !

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I know INFATUATION first-hand...And in my case, it did not last more than 3 months...Interestingly, according to experts, this is how long we can keep-up a facade...(NTs also mask to show their better self; but unlike Aspies, we apparently cannot maintain it for more than three months or so)...This is what i have read; feel free to correct me if i am wrong...

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You are WISE beyond your years...It's a pleasure to know you...Thank you for sharing...

I don't think so. I remember that little lesbian girl who sat on the bottom totally in tears and I couldn't explain why she was looking totally angry on me. I didn't do anything to her before and was talking to that nice barmaid only that night. A long time after that evening I realized that just this was her problem with me because she totally crushed on a smile of me before. Why should a tomboyish girl like her intentionally chose to do so?

Or that girl who crushed on me and pretended being drunken for brushing against me again and again a whole evening. My wife who was with me disliked that of course. But I think the choice of the girl was only what she tryed to get in contact but not to crush on me at first sight before.

But that where crushes of them only of course and love is a bit more but it was never a real choice of me nor that girl and never ever a slowly growing thing as well. True love requires an awesome emotional connection far beyond any kind of calculation towards each other and that is quite hard to explain. It's kind of spacing out into another dimension of full of fun and joy and positive emotions where you force each other to enjoy it even more.
People who didn't yet face it have no idea. Poor ones! Love is when the 'Ode to joy' of Beethovon finally totally makes sense to you just because you enjoy each other in such an incredibly way far beyond anything you knew before and what you ever imagined being possible regarding your feelings.

Sorry Whale_Tuune, but you have not yet even a a bit of an idea of love. Did you ever enjoy somebody being just near to you like nothing else on this whole damn planet? Being full of incredibly joy as well as he did enjoy you?
If it comes to this then I totally agree with Schiller in the "Ode to joy" who sayd: "Und wer's nie gekonnt, der stehle weinend sich aus diesem Bund!" ("But the one who was never able to this should slink weeping away from this union!") But of course it's just my opinion about this and loving someone else beyond all limits is something that most people in their whole poor lifes never find ...

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You know exactly what i am talking about...(Thumbs-up!! !)...

After reading your replies, i have concluded that human beings are so-o-o diverse that we differ even in the way we each fall in love...

As to me, being ENFJ, with an extraverted feeling that makes it impossible to hide my emotions...And a logical brain that i hardly use in my decision-making...It is no surprise that i did not choose who i fell in love with...It really hit me like a lighting bolt and cut me in half, just like the Latin poet Neruda describes it...

You see, my beloved (Aspie) husband and i should NOT be together...All the odds have been against us since the very beginning of our courtship: Different countries of origin...Different ethnicity...Different native language...Different upbringing...Different education...OMG!! !...And the list goes on...

We have overcome so-o-o many obstacles in order to be together...And once together, we have encountered so-o-o many hardships, especially our many misunderstandings that have led to conflict due to our neuro-diversity...It is really a miracle that we survived our first year of marriage...(Hopefully, we will soon be celebrating our second wedding anniversary)...May God bless my marriage with peace, tranquility, and happiness...

Post Script: Really, the only thing that has kept us together through thick and thin has been that which brought us together in the first place, our devotion to the Almighty God...

Love is a feeling that happens with time and connection and chemistry and commitment. I use logic to decide who to pursue and date. I need similar interests and values and intelligence and views on life to even begin to be interested in someone. Logic to find possibility of love. But love happens without choice as it is a feeling first then an action. Does that make sense?

Exactimundo.
The intellect tumps emotions.

The last time I fell in luv, it was a conscious decision.
It was platonic luv, but luv non-the-less.

I have spent half my life engaging in serious metacognition, in addition to being an autie, who by nature, thinks on a conscious level, rather than a more intuitive level the way most NTs do.
That is a fracking strong combination.

Now that I have profound self-confidence, I am not swayed by expressions of disbelief, any longer, by less enlightened quasi-individuals.
Damn, I'm good.

Yes, I am very much an INTJ.

I disagree that there is no choice in falling in luv.
Feel free to fall in luv with me if you must, but I will need to get to know you better, first.

You have made a very good first impression, btw.
You may be lucky.

That is not "love".
That is infatuation or limerence.

Even if it is an unconscious choice, it is still a choice.
You aren't going to fall in romantic luv with a goanna and want reptilian offspring, right?

There are certain parameters which must be fulfilled in order to fall in luv.
Choices are made through conscious, subconscious or unconscious considerations.

If you wish, we could change the question to: Do we consciously fall in luv?



Yes, yes, and yes.

Feel free to dump you gorgeous human husband for a skunk, any time you wish, but don't expect me to PM you with the request.

I have read that marriage through "luv" is a relatively recent phenomenon.

BINGO!

As Trump would say, Whale_Tuune is a pretty smart cookie, yes.

Yes.

We can't really control who we will have a biological, chemical reaction to, the same way standing in the sun will cause out body to become warm. But we can decide to move ourselves into the shade so that we don't burn.